Home > No Stupid (Kink) Questions > No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 30 – Do I have to attend events?

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 30 – Do I have to attend events?

August 19th, 2014

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 30:

I’m kind of a private person. I don’t like to share my bedroom antics with other people. Do I have to attend kink functions to be kinky? And if so, what kind of events do I have to attend?


The main purpose of kink functions is to give us perverts a safe space to discuss and participate in kink with other like-minded people without judgment.

There are events for just about every kind of kinky thing you can imagine needing an event for.

For example, a munch is usually held in a “vanilla” setting, and is meant to be a place for kinksters to socialize with other kinksters without the added stress of being all decked out in fetish gear (or naked!), and having to perform. Sometimes the conversation is about kinky things, but it really depends on the setting and the discussion. There are absolutely topics you can’t really discuss in these settings because there are often non-kinky folks within ear shot; including children. For some munch groups, you need an invite from someone who already belongs to the group. For others, you can just show up when the time comes. This depends on where the group is held, what kind of group it is, and the privacy preferences of the group.

A play party is often held at a trusted kinkster’s house, but can also be held in rented spaces if the group has that kind of cash or access. Sometimes food and drinks are served. Sometimes, you’re expected to bring your own food and drinks. And sometimes, alcohol is strictly forbidden. This is to limit potential accidents and/or consent issues. BDSM between two strangers isn’t really safe when alcohol is involved. While that’s your choice to make in your own home, in a public (or semi-public) play space, the decision belongs to the Dungeon Master (DM), or host.

There are countless other events from fetish demos to conferences, and, of course, there are fetish clubs. These often have their own protocols based on what’s going on. Some require particular dress. Some require particular behaviors. It depends on who’s holding the event and what their purpose is.

And you don’t have to go to a single one to be kinky. Because while exhibitionism is a popular fetish, it is not a required one. And not everyone can be out as kinky. And that’s totally okay.

  1. Heaven
    August 19th, 2014 at 17:14 | #1

    I have been to a few munches and really did not like them and the way some of the people talk about others. I try not to attend them anymore. I have been to a few other hang outs and I found them better then the munches.

  2. August 24th, 2014 at 19:48 | #2

    I have yet to attend a single “kinky” event. It’s really hard to get a babysitter in a town where you have no friends or family. Can’t exactly tag children along either. Honestly, I don’t think I will likely ever attend an event because it’s not within our dynamic. Doesn’t mean we aren’t kinky. Just means we like to at home in comfortable surroundings.

  3. Camryn
    August 26th, 2014 at 16:48 | #3

    I’m not really comfortable with the idea of kink events for various reasons. I’m happy with blogs like yours to show me responsible BDSM 🙂

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