Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 28:

What’s this nonsense about dominants not having or being allowed to show emotions?

This is something I’ve been meaning to address for quite some time. Master actually addressed this himself (sort of) in this post here, but he’s a straight, white, cisgender, alpha male, and nobody listens to them. And when another submissive told me that her dominant told her that he’s not allowed to show emotion because of his dominant status, I wanted to throw something. So let’s address it, kay?

It’s real simple. This idea that dominants are, at best, not allowed to show emotion (the worst case being that they’re all kinky vulcans), is utter, and complete, hogwash. HOGWASH.

Unless you’re related to Data, you are a human being.

I cannot stress that enough, so I’m going to say it again.

You are a human being.

This means that whether you are dominant, or submissive, or somewhere in between, or none of the above, you have emotions. And emotions are fucking crazy. Emotions make people do crazy things. And if your partner can’t deal with that, it’s their problem, not yours.

Of course, there is a right and wrong way to handle things, and that wholly depends on you, your partner, and your relationship, but when it comes right down to it, everybody has that big red button, and we all need to be a little more respectful of that. Regardless of who we are dealing with, or how they label themselves. And that means giving each other the room to feel; even if we each do that differently. Maybe especially if we each do it differently. (And excepting, of course, if “room to feel” means abusing someone else.)

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

P.S. Okay, I lied. I had more to say.

Of course, there are people who, for whatever reason, prefer not to show emotion to their submissives. I think that’s crazy. Sbumissives need to know what their dominants are thinking and feeling so they can better serve them. But I’m just a slave, so who am I to tell them what to do with themselves?

There are also people who don’t show emotion for other reasons, like mental illness, insecurity, etc. They should work on that. I feel like I’m allowed to say that because I used to be one of those people. Trust me. Feeling and showing emotion is so much better.