Archive for February 28th, 2014

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 26 – A Master’s Boundaries

February 28th, 2014 3 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 26:

I recently spoke with a couple in a master and slave relationship. The master had overstepped his boundaries within the relationship and the slave spoke her mind about how the situation made her feel. She was quickly silenced by being told that her feelings don’t matter because she is a slave, even though that was never part of the arrangement. He then proceeded to punish and belittle his slave over speaking up about her feelings. How should a situation like this be handled?

First, let me say that it’s really difficult, as a slave, to give advice in a situation like this because a) I don’t know much about their relationship dynamic, and b) I don’t want to step on any dominant toes. However…it sounds to me like this woman needs someone to nip this in the bud quick before she allows herself to become a doormat (if that’s not something she wants), and this situation slips from a misunderstanding to outright abuse. And pretty much the dom and his delicate little feelers can go fuck themselves in that case. I don’t condone non-consensual abuse, no matter who the abuser is. =D

Obviously, the slave and the master in this relationship have very different ideas about the definition of consensual slavery. Sadly, it sounds to me like they didn’t do anywhere near enough talking and negotiating before she accepted his collar. This happens a lot. People think about the fun side, and don’t consider (or sometimes even know) what could happen if they don’t cover all their bases. Read more…