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Just like he read my mind.

February 13th, 2014 2 comments

MeSo the other day, I was stalking people on Fetlife (this has become a hobby…maybe one day I’ll start interacting again), and I ran into a thread of conversation about that moment of “oh shit!” some of us slaves get when we know we fucked up. And I thought, “Man…ya know, I kinda miss that.”

I’ve been saying “man” a lot lately. I dunno what’s up with that.

I’ve never really been afraid of Master (excluding that one time I’d convinced myself he was going to kill me based solely on nightmares and hallucinations). I respect him beyond just the general respect I try to give everyone I meet because he deserves it. He’s intelligent, and funny, and balanced, and kind, and responsible, and…I’ll stop now.

I survived an abusive relationship, so I know what it is to truly fear your partner. For me, the fear was birthed from not knowing when he was going to lose control, or what he’d do when he did.

I’ve never had that with Master. He doesn’t lose control, and while I don’t always know what his reaction will be, I always know when they’re coming. That makes the fear of being in trouble so minuscule when compared to the fear of a violent psychotic break that it’s barely a blip on the radar. Read more…

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