Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 25:

I don’t get it. I mean, I get some of it. But explain those titles to me. You can’t possibly mean what you’re saying…can you? Are slaves really…slaves?

Okay, I’m gonna go with the most basic titles, since the rest you’ll hear are generally just variations of these.

These are the most basic, vague definitions of the most used terms in BDSM circles. Let’s start with the switch…

Switch – Someone who likes to play from both sides of the whip. Or whatever implement they most enjoy.

Bottom – The focus of a scene or play session. That is, the person who is being tormented and/or dominated.

Top – The person who leads the scene or play session. While the bottom in a scene sometimes gets to choose what happens in a scene, it’s ultimately the top who weaves the things the bottom requests into a delicious cacophony of sensation.

Dominant – This can refer to a personality trait, or a person who is usually the head of their BDSM relationships. The dynamics vary from relationship to relationship, but generally speaking, the dominant is someone who enjoys being in control, and is usually the person who ultimately has final say on various issues (agreed upon by all parties) in their relationships.

Submissive – This can refer to a personality trait, or a person who does the dominant’s bidding in a relationship. As with dominants, the dynamics vary, but generally speaking, the submissive is someone who enjoys letting go of control, and is usually controlled by their dominant partner to whatever degree they have agreed upon.

Master – A master, in this case, is someone who owns a person who has consented to being owned, or a consensual slave. A master is often dominant in nature, and usually prefers to control all aspects of their slave’s life, though some make concessions in their expectations to ensure the happiness of their property.

Slave – A person who agrees to submit themselves wholly to the will of another (the master), and commits themselves to actively ensuring their master is pleased. What that means is entirely up to the slave’s master.

Of course, I’m being vague, here, because, while there are deeper definitions, each couple defines their particular titles in a way that is relevant to them, with little regard to the opinions of others. As it should be.