Home > Melen > Melen’s Birthday Questions Answered! (Part 1)

Melen’s Birthday Questions Answered! (Part 1)

October 17th, 2013
M plays around with 3D graphic programs from time to time. This is one of the fractals he's made. Click to enlarge.

M plays around with 3D graphic programs from time to time. This is one of the fractals he’s made. Click to enlarge.

Here are some answers to some of the questions you asked Melen for his birthday giveaway!

Camryn asked:

Why do you believe women should be submissive to men?

This is a difficult question to answer. At least in the beginning, it was upbringing and religion. I was brought up that the man was the bread winner and that the woman handled the children and the house. Wives obeyed their husbands and all of that. Obviously, that isn’t very realistic these days, for many reasons, not the least of which is that many families (couples, or whatnot) can’t survive on only one paycheck.

I guess now it’s just part of my “kink”. I’m a heterosexual male, a bit of a sadist and control freak. So, for me, women being submissive fits into my view of life.

This question is deserving of an entire post, after much thought on how to present what I’m thinking. I will say this, tho. I don’t have a problem with male submissives. I do not think all men are dominant and all women are submissive. I have never had a problem with a woman as a boss, as long as she’s qualified. I have no issues with working with a woman as an equal, outside of the bedroom anyway.

As with most things, my opinion is constantly evolving.

Would you be interested in writing a post talking about the unwanted pain and sex? Knee injuries and back pain are far too common for men, but they’re expected to shrug it off, go to work, come home, build a barn, and then fuck forever. What about when you just can’t? Particularly in the D/s setting of your relationship.

I truly believe that you should be able to be honest with the person you’re with. If I’m unable, I simply say I’m unable. I just recently hurt my back, and we went without sex for over a week (an oddity for us!). It wasn’t just the pain, because let’s face it, most of us will deal with some pain for sex! The medication I was on turned me into a zombie. We have a good enough relationship that I can just say “Wow, I’m in a lot of pain, I just can’t right now”. Course, my fingers almost always work, and I have magic hands. 🙂

I think I might actually write up a post on this, good idea!

Is it “safe” for someone to teach themselves to use impact implements through books and practice, or do you feel that having an instructor is best? How did you learn?

In as much as anything can be safe, sure it is. Of course, you really should do exhaustive research, and with impact implements, try it out on yourself (don’t be a pussy!). I give myself some good whacks with everything before I use it on rayne. How else am I going to know what level of pain I’m delivering? And let’s face it, we don’t do this to *accidentally* hurt someone. We want to be in control of the level of pain. I even used the Neon Wand on myself before using it on rayne.

There is a level of finesse you lack when you don’t learn from others, tho. I was happily flogging a shiny new submissive in my early years, and I tended to hit myself on the back swing. She turns around and yells “Do it in a figure 8!” I said “What are you … OHHHHHHH!” Ya, I felt like a moron, and honestly, I’m not sure how long it would’ve taken me to figure that out on my own. I guess I’m dense some of the time, heh.

I learned most everything on my own, mostly on the ‘Net. I have someone willing to submit to nearly any level of pain, just to please me, and I feel that when someone is trusting you with their well being, you should be as knowledgeable as possible about what you’re doing.

With rope work, I think having an instructor would probably be easier and safer. I mean, anyone can self learn a few knots and tie someone up, but when it comes to something like suspension it would be better to learn from an expert. This is why I’ve never really attempted suspension myself.

Are there any misconceptions about BDSM that really bother you? (“It’s domestic abuse, they’re drugged/brainwashed” and so on)

The most annoying misconception out there is that you have to  hate someone to want to cause them pain. The problem is it’s incredibly difficult (at least for me) to explain why that isn’t true. Just saying “because she likes it” should suffice, but it never does for the reasons you mention. Saying that it’s an incredible ego booster sounds lame, and doesn’t really describe the feeling anyway. There are many more eloquent people out there to describe it.

Another misconception that bugs me is that anyone in the dominant role must not have any feelings. People act so shocked when a submissive is really able to get to their owner, enough to really knock them down emotionally. Why is that such a shock? Dominants are human too, and anyone that acts like nothing ever bothers them has something to hide, in my mind, and perhaps might be a little psychotic.

And one more, just for a bonus, is the idea that to be a submissive or slave you have to be a weak person, or somehow have lower intelligence. Ya, good luck saying that to rayne’s face. To be honest, I find the percentage of weak and stupid people in the BDSM community to be basically on par with any other group of people, and it most certainly isn’t limited to submissives.

It takes an awful lot of strength to give up things you want every single day to make someone else happy. If anyone doesn’t believe me, find out for yourself. Spend a week as someone’s slave, and don’t be a pussy, tell them not to go easy on you. Then we can talk about how strong you have to be. It takes quite a bit of intelligence to learn all the things that make someone else happy. It takes an incredible attention to detail. It takes willpower that, frankly, many dominants lack.

(I really wanted to use “dominates” up there just to be a dick, but I resisted.)

I get the feeling you take pride in Rayne as a slave. How does that interact with the humiliation play you engage in? I mean, when you make her cry out and she asks for more, that’s a proud moment, right? But you’d call her a pain slut for it, which is humiliation play? (I find this pride/humiliation thing complex and curious.)

Most things I call her that people would consider humiliation, we consider terms of endearment. Pain slut is a compliment, and she knows that all too well. Our humiliation play usually centers around what she’s willing to go through to be allowed to orgasm. If you’re curious, almost anything!

I’ve used humiliation outside of play to change the way rayne thinks. For example, someone calling her “fat” 10 years ago would’ve damn near destroyed her emotionally, at least for a little while. After being called “fat” 10,000 times, it sort of loses it’s power, you know? Now you’re more likely to get “Ya, but you’re stupid, and I can lose weight” from her than tears.

For a true submissive or slave, the most humiliating thing you can say to them is “I’m disappointed” or “I’m not happy.” There is nothing more humiliating then being reminded you’ve let down the person you promised to please.

I definitely am proud, both of the fact that rayne is such a good slave, and that I’ve been able to ultimately be a positive impact on her life.

When you’re genuinely angry/upset with one another, do you still do scenes? Why or why not?

Thankfully, we rarely argue, but when that happens, we don’t play. I will still deal with the situation as a Master, to the best of my ability, but there is usually nothing physical (including sex) during arguments. I don’t want to hit her, for example, when I’m angry. And, frankly, she would get off on it anyway, so if I’m truly mad, not playing with her is a worse punishment.

I suppose when we’re calm and dealing with her because she stepped out of line, those could be called scenes. It’s usually a way of me re-affirming my control in both of our eyes, and does tend to be ritualistic.

Would you ever have another submissive?

That is always a possibility, but it’s not something I actively pursue. From a sexual standpoint, I know rayne would like a female playmate, and, well, I’m a pervert so that seems pretty hot to me!

Outside of sex would be trickier. It’s going to require meeting the right girl, which may never happen. My experience in the past with submissive’s looking to join our “family” is that they’re really just interested in just being with rayne, or they’re interested in just being with me, and neither of those situations will work.

I’m a firm believer that if something is supposed to happen, it will happen, no matter what.

What’s your favorite thing to see Rayne wearing? (Needn’t be clothes, cuffs, clamps, and such count)

I prefer her to be naked, wearing wrist cuffs and, as always, her eternity collar. If the windows are open, she usually adds what I affectionately call her “peasant” shirt (there’s one old plain white, rather stained, shirt and what I think was a plain white nightgown). The absolute minimum is her eternity collar, and wedding ring. She wears the collar everywhere, except when flying. We still get a chuckle out of “hey, nice necklace” comments!

Rayne deals with mental illness, she’s a survivor of sexual assault and emotional abuse and is a submissive. I’m quite aware the three things aren’t necessarily related, but plenty of people hear the first two and put on their kid gloves just to have a conversation with her. Thus my next question; were you ever worried that this sort of relationship would be “too much” somehow?

We went through a month or two of me doing my damnedest to make sure she not only understood what she was getting herself into, but also was able to follow through. It was probably really annoying for her (pooooor rayne), because I asked the same questions all day every day. I quizzed her, I gave her ridiculous “what if” scenarios, I pushed her limits physically. She didn’t crack, so I was convinced that treating her like a survivor was better then treating her like a victim.

PropertyofPotter asked:

If someone you didn’t know randomly gave you a wrapped present for your birthday, what would you hope it contained?

I’ve thought about it and I honestly don’t know. I guess I would hope there wasn’t something bad in the box.

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

One thing I’d really like to do is travel a lot. I’d love to go back to Lisbon, Portugal. I was there for a week when I was 16. Amazing place. I would like to see Mayan ruins in Guatemala, or any ruins anywhere actually. Weird energy in those kinds of places. I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon, and I hear that pictures and video just don’t do it justice.

  1. Camryn
    October 18th, 2013 at 16:54 | #1

    What a nice fractal *smiles*
    Thank you for answering my questions! I knew it’d be interesting, and it was 🙂

  2. Mack
    October 24th, 2013 at 11:12 | #2

    When I get presents, I hope they’re something good that I’d enjoy that I wouldn’t think of by myself (or couldn’t afford).

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