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30 Days of Kink: Define Your Kinky Self by @AlisonTyler

October 9th, 2013

2013-09-03 20.40.26Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Any reader who has followed me over the years will be shouting out the answer for you. “Sub! She’s a sub! Oh, god, is she ever a sub.” But the world isn’t simple like that.

In The Delicious Torment, the sequel to Dark Secret Love, I wrote:

When Alex shoved the prison strap in my hands, I wanted to laugh. Yeah, there were plenty of times when I had wanted to beat him, to fuck with him, to take him down not only one peg, but several. But now wasn’t one of those times. How can you hurt someone who’s just asked you to fall in love with them?

No, that’s the wrong question. Jack would easily have been able to whip me after a similar encounter. So the difference is more fundamental than that. I’m no top.


Except, how can I write the Dom parts in the stories I pen? How can I slide into the roles—and the minds—of Jack in Dark Secret Love or Sandy (my delicious bisexual Dom in Those Girls) or Reed Frost (in Tied Up & Twisted)? How can I know how they speak, how they move, how they think?

I believe anyone who plays with the live wire of BDSM can comprehend both sides of the equation:

“Stand up,” I said, and he gazed up at me, hesitated for a moment, and then stood.

“Drop your slacks.”

Now, he gave me the most incredulous look.

“You offered. I’m taking you up on it.” I spoke harshly, through gritted teeth, and Alex obeyed, unbuckling his belt, lowering his slacks. He was wearing striped blue-and-white boxers, and I was the one to pull those down. I didn’t bother with his new toys. I pulled the belt out of his own slacks and used that, doubled up. It made it worse, somehow. I knew how to do it. (Only minutes ago, I told you that I wasn’t a top. But like people say there are levels of sexuality—fluctuations on the Kinsey scale—I think there are levels, ranges, of submission. If you know how to bend over, then you know how to take control.)

I striped him, not hesitating when the lines bloomed dark pink on his pale skin. When the angry welts formed. He took the blows like a pro, and I was sure he had at least as much experience at submitting as I did. Jack had to use someone to get out his aggression on in between his chosen subs. Alex fit that part to perfection.

I don’t know where the power came from. And I don’t even know why it was so important that I mark Alex. I only knew that I had to do it. Had to.

I whipped him hard, the way Jack would have had he been in my place. All the frustration and the aggression I’d been feeling for weeks came out in the strokes on Alex’s naked skin. And each blow turned me on more than I can say. So this was what it was like to be in charge. Pretty fucking nice, I’ll admit. How bizarre that Alex had brought me out here to punish me, when I was the one who ended up in position of top dog. That’s L.A. for you. Things are never what they seem.

If you know what you want, then you know how to provide the same experience to someone else.

Dom, Sub, or Switch?

The answer to that is “Yes.”

Alison Tyler’s first bondage-themed anthology was Bondage on a Budget, a 69-story collection featuring household items employed in unusual ways. Since then, she pioneered the Best Bondage Erotica series, and edited B is for Bondage, Slave to Love, Hurts So Good, Pleasure Bound, Love at First Sting, The Big Book of Bondage, and the upcoming Twisted, Bound for Trouble, and Bondage Bites—all from Cleis Press. Her BDSM novellas include Tied Up & Twisted, Cuffing Kate, and Giving In (all from Harlequin); Those Girls (Go Deeper Press); and Banging Rebecca (Pretty Things Press). Visit alisontyler.blogspot.com.

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  1. October 9th, 2013 at 13:32 | #1

    I couldn’t agree more. My orientation is “kinky” 😉

  2. October 9th, 2013 at 19:58 | #2

    I define myself as a deep sub, even a slave, because that’s my role in my primary relationship, and the role with which I’m most comfortable. But I’ve switched, and my fantasies are all over the map, so it’s not that simple. I imagine my orientation shifts depending on the energy of my partner, though I’m most often drawn to people with dominant energy. (Even sexually vanilla people with dominant energy.)

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