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I AM a survivor.

September 13th, 2013 8 comments
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Image by Melen – click to enlarge

A while back, I said I was going through something, but I stayed pretty vague about it all. I mentioned the boob thing, but I didn’t really go into detail about what was causing it. I don’t like to talk about what I’m going through. I have so many worries surrounding discussing my survivor status.

For example, it’s been eleven years since my ex moved out of our apartment in the middle of the night. If there ever was any evidence of the abuse and sexual assault (aside from unreliable witnesses who were closer to him than me, there wasn’t), it’s gone. If he decided to out himself as my ex, and take me to court for defamation or libel, I have no proof that I’m telling the truth.

Of course, he has no proof that I’m not. Thanks to my semi-anonymity, he also has not been affected by my blog in any way, so I don’t know what he’d be able to claim. But I still worry about that. Even now, I don’t know that I could handle a court case in which I had to rip myself open to keep a total stranger from making me pay him for telling my story. And God only knows why, but I would give just about anything to keep our kids from finding out who their father was back then. Maybe because I don’t want them hurt by him any more than they already have been. Read more…