Home > Rayne > I have to ask permission for lots of things, but you draw the line at masturbation?

I have to ask permission for lots of things, but you draw the line at masturbation?

September 11th, 2013

All3One of the first things Master took away from me when he collared me was my right to choose when, where, and how to pleasure myself.

I probably asked him why. That’s what I do. Being a slave, I’m just supposed to accept whatever orders he gives me without question, but I am the original Why Child, and I question everything. I mean, I still do what I’m told, even without the answer. But I almost always ask. It’s just my way. #slaveryfail

I’m sure that when I asked him why, he responded with, “Because I can.” That’s his way.

It’s possible that later he explained it. I have a distant memory of a discussion about my pleasure belonging to him with the rest of me. I remember him saying a time or two that he wanted to be the one to give me pleasure, even if that meant telling me when I could pleasure myself.

You see, I rarely, if ever, orgasm during intercourse. I don’t know why this is. More times than I can count, I’ve gotten excruciatingly close, only to find myself frustrated. It sucks. There’s nothing in life that feels better than cumming with Master’s cock in my pussy. Not even masturbating with a Tantus dildo.

And! I used to be a secret masturbator. Like, pretty much all the people I’ve been with who were more than just one night stands knew that I have trouble having an orgasm during intercourse. All of them have offered to help find other ways to get me off (even the asshole ex). And I’d still wait till they were asleep, or I was in the shower, or something, to get myself off most of the time. It took me a really long time to not get embarrassed masturbating in front of Master. I still don’t masturbate as much as I did before I met him because I’m still sometimes embarrassed to ask to be allowed to masturbate.

But I’m getting better! I asked to play with my sex toys twice in one week. And that was right after I asked him to spank me! That’s huge for me.

Other stuff I have to get permission for:

  • talking to men in private
  • having sex with or being touched by other people
  • buying things that are not needs
  • leaving the house without Master
  • sitting in a different room than Master
  • reading a book if he is not (and I’m not in the bathroom)
  • using the PS3
  • watching TV if he is not
  • cutting or coloring my hair
  • wearing clothes if we’re home alone
  • listening to music if he is not
  • using the phone

There’s other stuff. These are just some of the biggies, and the stuff I ask permission for most often.

Some things I used to have to get permission for:

  • going to the bathroom
  • getting a glass of water
  • eating
  • getting out of bed before him
  • cleaning the house
  • talking to family, and particularly my ex (who I don’t talk to anymore)

This is a constant point of contention with people who don’t know much about BDSM, or don’t understand the desire to be submissive, or just don’t have dominant partners who like to control these things.

I’ve been told I’m abused. I’ve been told I’ve got Stockholm Syndrome, and just can’t see how horrible it is that I have to ask permission to do something so natural as masturbating when I feel like getting off. I’ve had people spend an hour or more asking me all the questions you ask someone who is being controlled against their will. All because I don’t get to lock myself in the bathroom and get myself off whenever I feel like it.

Everything Master does serves a purpose. Sure, sometimes, the purpose is that it gets his dick hard. But sometimes, it goes much deeper than that.

For example, one of his favorite things to do when he finds out I don’t like something that he thinks should be a non-issue is to overwhelm me with it until it becomes just another thing in this God-forsaken world that doesn’t matter to me. At first, it sucks. It pisses me off, and makes me cry, and hurts my feelings and…and then it starts to work. These days, I laugh at people who call me a bitch (cuz, I mean, duh?). Ask people (usually college-age dudes) if they think I don’t already know when they call me fat. Am actually happy about my slut status.

Not allowing me to cum without his permission forces me to be more open with him about my sexual desires. This is important in any relationship (not the forcing part…the being open with your partner part), but especially in one like ours, where I have a rule requiring me to keep him updated with all my relevant thoughts and emotions.

That, too, serves a purpose, by the way. I’m mentally ill, and have been known to allow myself to decomp to the point of thoughts of and attempts at suicide because I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about what was going on inside my head. Not having a choice in sharing my problems with Master gives me one of the resources I need to remain on an even keel, and, you know, alive.

The rest have other purposes.

In his mind (and he’s right), there should be nothing another person (and particularly a man) wants to say to me that Master can’t know about. We don’t work like that. We don’t keep secrets.

We’re currently monogamous. It’s only fair that I go to him if I decide I want that to change.

He keeps better track of our finances than I do. I can log in to his accounts any time I want and look at how much money we have, but I don’t. I rely on him to do it. We could find ourselves in a lot of trouble if I just went off buying things all willy nilly without that information.

Thing is, I don’t have to know his reasons. I gave him the right to control all of me without limitations. And if I’m okay with that (I am), then I feel like the people we know should be, too. Or at least keep their mouthes shut about it, because it’s truly none of their business.

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  1. Sidney
    September 11th, 2013 at 16:59 | #1

    There’s something really beautiful about the trust that comes with a Master/slave relationship. Part of me gets jealous that I’ll probably never be there, simply because that’s not who I am. I think in your situation I’d be more uncomfortable with the masturbation command than anything else. I can write about sex, I can write about other people doing it–but me talk about what I want? Uh… I’m sorry, am I supposed to use coherent words? Clearly you over-estimate me. 🙂 Oh well. I’m getting better about it. All in good time I guess.

  2. September 11th, 2013 at 17:41 | #2

    *Stands up and applauds*

    A couple of years ago I had a girl find my site. She took it upon herself to convince me I was being abused. Every post I made she commented on it. Then I would get an email. If I didn’t post for a couple days, she would email asking me if I Was alright, had been hurt, etc. If I still didn’t answer she would go to my then dominants site and flip her shit demanding to know where I was and saying she would call the cops. Concern is fine. I understand concern, but once you’ve been told that it’s consensual, and wanted and even at times needed.. kindly butt the fuck out. Always a purpose!

  3. September 11th, 2013 at 19:45 | #3

    I can’t say why I loved this post Rayne, but I do. It just clicks and makes sense and I found myself nodding along. There’s so much more to what we do everyday that makes it not abuse or stockholm syndrome. Even though a lot of my rules and whatnot are different than yours I can I know I still ask the whys on occasion. And the “because I can” irks me to no end.

    I can masturbate whenever I want and just tell him afterwards because we found that when I had to ask permission I never did. Now, that isn’t to say that I do it more now but I feel less stress knowing I can and then tell him about it. Odd how our minds work.

  4. Ima Godiva
    September 12th, 2013 at 10:45 | #4

    Nice post, Rayne. I love learning more about people’s relationship choices. I don’t think anyone has the right to criticize you or say that what you choose for yourself is wrong, as long as you and your partner are happy and nobody else is being harmed. 🙂

  5. September 20th, 2013 at 09:08 | #5

    @ Sidney Trust, for us, was really hard. We’ve both been beaten down by people who were supposed to lift us up. I still don’t ask to masturbate as often as I want to masturbate because I get embarrassed and I worry he’ll say no…as if that’ll be the end of the world. I’m weird.

    As for you, I’m sure you’ll get there. What’s meant to be will always find a way. Thanks for the comment!

  6. September 20th, 2013 at 09:12 | #6

    @ Serenesub Bleh. I hate people like that. Back when we still used corporal punishment, this chick used to tell M, “If you’re hitting her out of anger, that makes you an asshole.” Made me want to punch her…out of anger. Does that make me an asshole? Lol.

  7. September 20th, 2013 at 09:14 | #7

    @ lunaKM I think that’s why he doesn’t wait for me to ask to cum after sex anymore. Lol.

  8. September 20th, 2013 at 09:16 | #8

    @ Ima Godiva Thanks! I agree. <3 hope things are going ok with you.

  9. Camryn
    May 15th, 2014 at 22:43 | #9

    Asking permission to masturbate makes a great deal of sense to me, if only for the valuable insight into your partner’s libido and the respect it shows. Plus it’s hot. Ryn likey ^-^
    What’s odd is that it doesn’t matter whether you like it or not. Well, it’s not odd, because you two decided that this is how things work, but from the outside looking in it seems strange that he would tell you to do something when he could just ask. But then, that’d kind of be missing the point, huh? *giggles*
    I’m rambling. I’m gonna go now 🙂

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