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Protocol…or the Lack Thereof

August 13th, 2013

bannershoes-e1362893440910protocol: the formal etiquette and code of behavior, precedence, and procedure for state and diplomatic ceremonies

Well, okay. You won’t see me at any state or diplomatic ceremonies any time soon, but that’s the definition that most closely fits protocol in kink. And my, but didn’t we have a lot of it back in the day. We meaning M and me. Lots of other people still do.

It started simple. Every night before bed, I was required to kneel beside the bed and ask permission to get on it. There was to be no sitting on the bed waiting for him to come in the room. No leaning on the bed when my legs and knees got tired and my feet went numb. I was to just sit there and wait until he said I could go to bed.

Then he added the requirement of a goodnight kiss. It sounds funny, but goodnight kisses have never been something I did. At some point in my childhood, I stopped even saying goodnight to my parents. I’d just roll over and go to sleep when I was with my ex. And who kisses one-night stands goodnight? So when Master expressed his dismay at my lack of goodnight kisses, I was caught completely off guard.

When he made it a requirement, I was a little nonplussed. Why would you want to force something like a goodnight kiss? And if it’s just not something the person does, why would you feel bad about it? He explained that I had, in fact, kissed him goodnight most nights since we met, and the fact that I wasn’t kissing him goodnight seemed like an indication that something was wrong.

Those we still do, almost 11 years later.

We picked up a couple other protocols through my need to feel my slavery. And most of them have fallen by the wayside for one reason or another. Like, there’s no reason for me to meet him at the door naked and kneeling when he doesn’t go anywhere without me.

For example, we used to practice the Gorean tradition of a slave kneeling to serve food and drink to a free person (or in this case, me to Master). Because I’m not a virgin, I was to kneel with my thighs parted, put my head down, and hold the vessel within his reach until he took it, and then stay there until he released me. Then he got to working after hours so often that there would be times I’d be sitting there holding a cold plate before he took it from me.

There’s this line where it crosses over from being uber sexy and kinky and slavy to just plain annoying. That was definitely it.

Not that I had (have) the right to feel that way, mind. But it gets difficult to remember your place when the person you submit to doesn’t seem to notice you’re in it. Which also doesn’t…you know what? From now on, if I say something that contradicts what you know about our agreement (which basically says, “Master’s the boss of me”), just assume there’s a “but that doesn’t give me the right” after it, okay?

To be honest, I miss it. So much, in fact, that I served him his drink the Gorean way tonight without being asked. I remembered that the other day he’d ordered me to, and said it made his balls tingle. Making my guy’s balls tingle is definitely a good thing.

He’s not kidding. These floors are going to ruin my knees. How hot is that?


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  1. August 14th, 2013 at 23:17 | #1

    I find this happens with me, I have started with a lot of protocol but things tend to get in the way that it starts to slowly fade away. I miss it in many ways as well.

  2. August 15th, 2013 at 12:38 | #2

    Sounds like the heart of the matter is not necessarily the specific protocols per se but rather a current desire to feel your slavery more. Have you considered tossing around ideas on freshly approaching that goal?

  3. August 16th, 2013 at 00:50 | #3

    My ex and I used to have a similar bedtime protocol. I LOVED it.

    I think a lot about protocol, actually. The value of it, what it means, why we (as bottoms) crave it. Do Tops crave it too? Why do I so often see bottoms wanting it more than Tops? Hmm. Something to think (and write) about.

    Thanks for joining in the KinkoftheWeek! πŸ™‚

  4. August 16th, 2013 at 00:51 | #4

    PS – CommentLuv gave me an error…not sure what it was.

  5. August 16th, 2013 at 11:38 | #5

    I love my daily protocols although mine is nothing as strict as yours (was). And as for a good night kiss… I cannot imagine going to sleep without it, but that’s not part of our protocol.

    Rebel xox

  6. August 18th, 2013 at 10:25 | #6

    It’s interesting that in my vanilla life there are far more protocols than in my kink world. Still no state dinners or anything.

  7. August 19th, 2013 at 12:15 | #7

    Very interesting to see how time changes things and how they work or not as time goes on!

    ~Mia~ xx

  8. August 20th, 2013 at 07:39 | #8

    Doing this all at once because I hate the look of our comment system. Gonna have to see if I can find a nested version.

    @Scarlet Yeah I know what you mean. The only thing that has completely stood the test of time is the bed thing. But I think that’s normal. Lives change, and with them, so do our needs.

    @Secretly Sensuous You’re right on the nose. I kinda dragged us away from all of this a bit because I was going through some things, and the kink was too much. Luckily, my man gets it and is willing to roll with the punches. Thanks for the suggestion!

    @Jade I dunno if tops crave it, but I do know that M says there’s not many better sights than a slut in her place. Thank you for having me! And for the comment. πŸ™‚

    @Marie Rebelle I think the good night kiss thing is related to my past relationships. Thanks for the comment!

    @Malflic That is interesting! I don’t normally care for formalities in my vanilla life, so it’s funny to me that there are so many that I enjoy in kink. Thanks for the comment!

    @~Mia~ Stay tuned! M’s getting back to basics, and with that usually comes new protocols. Thanks for the comment. πŸ™‚

  9. August 22nd, 2013 at 22:50 | #9

    Yes, making the balls tingle is always a good thing πŸ™‚ I do think the goodnight kiss before bed is important – that’s more a ritual for us (I think a lot of our kissing before… is) – and a good thing to keep up.

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