Archive for July 11th, 2013

“You’re Mine”: My Definition of “Safety”

July 11th, 2013 1 comment

slaveI wake with his hand caressing my breast. This is not unusual, but my reaction to it is. I arch my back to more fully feel his palm against my nipple. There’s not a moment’s hesitation. No hitching of my breath as I wait for the anxiety to come. There is only his hand and my desire to enjoy it. And I breathe a sigh of relief before moaning softly.

“You’re mine,” Master says, as he pulls me into his arms. “You belong to me. Forever.”

Something inside me calms and I snuggle down into the mattress, pressing my forehead against his chest, enjoying the feeling of his hands gliding back and forth between each breast, toying with the nipples, owning them.

So many submissives say those words are an instant turn on for them. The possessiveness. The feeling of control. The fact that they are owned. And to an extent, they are for me, too. But there’s so much more to it than that.

There have been very few moments in my life during which I have felt truly safe. Not only because of the abuse I’ve suffered, but also because of my mental illness. Paranoia is a horrible thing. Especially when the things you’re paranoid about are rooted in reality—meaning that many of them have happened to me and could happen again, so they seem so real when I’m fretting over them.  Read more…