Home > 30 Days of Kink > 30 Days of Kink: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

30 Days of Kink: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

July 8th, 2013

30 Days of KinkFor the rest of this series, and links to others who have participated, click here.

I’ve never been one for schedules. Formalities annoy me. I pretty consistently buck the system. Questioning authority has always come naturally to me. And I do things on my own time.

I wouldn’t call myself a “free spirit”, so much as I don’t like people who don’t know me, probably don’t even know I exist beyond the abstract theory of my existence, making up rules for me, as if they could possibly know what’s best for me.

This goes for just about everything under the sun, from how to cook, to how best to maintain my mental and emotional “disorders”, for lack of a better term. I’d rather eat crow, if I’m wrong, than concede a point I haven’t tested as thoroughly as I possibly can not having the resources to follow the scientific procedures the ever elusive “they” have decided work the best. I’m stubborn, and opinionated. I’m passionate and stand up for what I believe in, as much as I can within the confines of the station I have chosen for myself. And I will, without a doubt, unequivocally believe my way is right unless it is wholly proven wrong beyond all reasonable doubt.

I would have been a damn good lawyer. Except…

I tend to get caught up in how I think the world should be. I really don’t know when to shut my mouth. I’m not really all that accomplished at picking my battles. I want my cake, and you’re damn right I’m gonna eat it, too. I mean, who gets cake if they’re not going to eat it?!

I’d probably give my clients bad advice based on how the system is supposed to work, and not the knowledge that, generally speaking, Joe American doesn’t understand the concept of “innocent until proven guilty”, and major cases with minimal evidence are often tried in the media long before they ever reach the jury. I’d turn down huge investments because there was a single policy in their company handbook with which I didn’t agree. And I’d spend half my profit in contempt fees, which would eventually cause problems for my clients.

Maybe I’d have grown out of my bullheaded ways naturally. Maybe college and law school would have trained them out of me. Maybe once I was actually standing before a judge, I would have realized that it’s much easier to get your way by stroking egos, and kissing ass, and let my own ego take a backseat. Somehow, I doubt it. I’ll probably never be one to accept “because” as an answer.


M’s been teaching me that schedules don’t always have to cramp my style. Unless, of course, he puts me on one with the intent of cramping my style. And quite often, I function much better when I maintain some semblance of regularity. I can be spontaneous, occasionally, and participate in random silliness from time to time. Life doesn’t have to be strictly structured from morning to night each and every day.

But having a semi-regular schedule really makes maintaining a level emotional keel so much easier. Having tasks and responsibilities helps keep me from getting bored, which avoids boredom turning into self-destructive activities. Keeping my work space (mostly) free from clutter allows me to be more relaxed while I work. Taking things one day at a time makes things seem so much smaller than when you’re looking at the big picture, and frantically worrying about every tiny detail at the same time. Being (somewhat) organized allows me to worry less, and keeps the number and intensity of panic attacks to a minimum. Making sure I’m in bed at (around) the same time every night, and get (about) the same amount of sleep does wonders for my mood stability. Eating at least three semi-balanced meals prevents crabbiness, and trying to keep sweets to a minimum helps me from falling into that artificial happiness a sugar high can bring, which saves me the trouble of muscling through the crash one often deals with.

This is me…eating crow. The countless studies and doctors who tell us these things are right.

I probably still won’t always take everything everyone tells me as the toasted toads truth. I’ll probably still question authority, and believe my way is the right way until someone proves me wrong. I’ll still be passionate about, and stand up for the things I believe in with a vehemence not often seen in this day and age.

But through the tutelage of my owner, I’ve learned that there’s always someone in charge of someone in charge. It’s a rare individual who doesn’t answer to someone somewhere for some reason. Even criminals who act as if they are above the law have no doubt in their mind that if they’re caught, they’ll have to face the music. Taking orders really isn’t anything to be ashamed of, regardless of what you call the dynamic that puts you in that position.

I’ve learned that people (sometimes even your significant other) aren’t just going to agree with you because you want them to. They really do have to learn for themselves. And unless and until they do, they will continue to do things the way they’ve always done them without seeing the possible damage it may be doing elsewhere. It’s the gods in us.

I’m beginning to understand that nothing worth having is free. Not even being a quality person. You have to work for everything in some way. And honestly, I’m not sure anything would matter as much to most of us if we didn’t spend time toiling at getting it.

And I’ve come to realize that nothing’s perfect, and life just isn’t fair. No matter who you are. You just have to take the bad with the good. But on the whole, if you maintain a positive outlook, and recognize the beauty you do come into contact with for what it is, it can (and probably will) be a wonderful experience.

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