Home > 30 Days of Kink > 30 Days of Kink: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

30 Days of Kink: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

July 1st, 2013

30 Days of KinkFor the rest of this series, and links to others who have participated, click here.



Who doesn’t have kink-related pet peeves? I have a lot.

[Disclaimer: Just because these things get under my skin, doesn’t necessarily mean I think people are “bad” or “wrong” for doing them. Or at least, not all of them. But if you see something you do here, take my opinion with a grain of salt, and keep on keepin’ on. I’m just some chick on the internet.]

1 – Wait…You mean you just started? I must crush your soul! AKA “The n00b Pwner”; Identified by snide responses to questions long-time kinksters can answer with their eyes closed, a clothespin on their tongues, and their limbs tied in uncomfortable positions, while suspended upside-down and backwards from an alligator clamp, complete with sharp metal teeth, on their clits.

Dude, seriously? BDSM is not World of Warcraft, and it is not shameful to be brand spankin’ new at it in 2010. Especially if you’re 19.

It’s also not shameful to still be a n00b when you’ve been doing it for eight years.

Not everyone thinks, learns, behaves, reacts the same way to every situation. Everything we know in life we’ve learned by trial and error. And some of us just plain have no common sense. Or, like me, are flighty as hell, and by the time we’ve grasped the question, we’ve already lost our train of thought. C’est la vie, man.

And besides… We were all new once.

2 – All the ways around here are my ways! AKA “The One True Wayist”; Identified by their sanctimonious stare, and how often some form of the word “true” drips from their lips. May be carrying a book they refer to as “The Bible of Kink”.

They know how it’s supposed to be done, and they’re gonna let you know just why you’re doing it wrong. But when it comes to kink, pretty much everything’s open to interpretation.

3 – You can have your own way, but mine is better, and therefore, so am I. AKA “The Upper Kinkcrust”; If it’s raining, you’re gonna want to offer this kinkster –and his counterparts 2, 5, and 7– an umbrella, or risk being accused of being a drowning-supporter.

All their toys are high end. All their clothes are name brand. And all their ways are better than yours.

Seriously, you should just give up, now.

4 – My kink is not you’re kink! AKA “The Safety Police”; Identified by the fact that their lips are glued to the anus of the nearest DM.

I’m vaguely aware of the fact that not everyone likes torture of the extent that I’ve been known to cause myself, much less what M’s capable of submitting me to. And if I had a nickel for every time someone told me that if M and I were at one of their events, and played like we play at home, they’d have the DM shut us down, we’d be rich.

Which I find absolutely hilarious, since there’s this kink camp out west at which a friend of mine has had her tits nailed to a board, and another girl participated in a pretty heavy kidnapping/rape scene.

But they’re on every board. All “ZOMG Yer head’s gonna totally falled off.” And I always wanna be all “ZOMG It totally already did! Isn’t that what duct tape’s for?”

5 – My kink is better than you’re kink! AKA “The One-Upper”; Identified by their various medals and awards, and never-ending list of way awesomer stories than any you have.

Okay, I get the need to toot one’s own horn from time to time. But if every time I tell you something good that happened to me, you’re telling me three things good that happened to you, you’ve surpassed “occasionally tooting your horn” and flown right into “trying to come out on top”.

It’s not a competition.

6 – My kink’s way different than yours, so we can’t hang out. AKA “Kinky McSnobster”; Identified by the surrounding crowd of similarly dressed kinksters carrying matching whips and flogger bags.

To an extent, I get it. I often find myself wishing I knew (real life knew, not online knew) someone who was in the exact same kind of relationship I am, because it’s easier for both of us to understand where we’re coming from and commiserate with each other.

But when it comes right down to it, my kinks have nothing to do with my personality, or any of my other interests. And while I am owned, it really doesn’t affect whether or not I have other things in common with someone who isn’t.

7 – Be there or be square! AKA “Posh Kinkster”; Identified by the “little black book” of kink events sticking out of their back pocket, and the affliction of a rare skin condition that causes the dermis of the fingers to fuse with the back of the afflicted’s smartphone.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that M and I aren’t kinksters because we don’t go to events. Apparently, we missed the memo about having to pick up our membership card at the BDSM club near us.

8 – My kink is unlabelable. AKA “The Non-Kinkformist”; Identified by their complete collection of The Cure CDs, and the trailing cloud of smug.

“Not only am I different, but I’m so different that there’s no label to cover what I do in my bedroom!”

Right. And I’m Mother Theresa.

9 – The secret to life is kink! AKA “Evangelikinkster”; Identified by their leather robes, vast collection of BDSM how-to books, and the pulpit in the middle of their dungeon.

You can’t possibly be enjoying life if you’re not kinky. No really. Ask this kinkster. He’ll tell you!

10 – Give me kink, or give me death! AKA “Kinky Revere”; Identified by his belief that there’s no such thing as life without kink, his voracious activism, and his affinity for fire play.

While there’s nothing wrong with standing up for your right to fair treatment, and people absolutely have to stand for something or run the risk of falling for everything, these kinksters don’t just stand up for their rights. They generally trample the rights of others while they’re at it.

So there they are. My kinky pet peeves. Got any of your own?

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