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Quiet, Junior. Let the grown-ups talk.

August 24th, 2012

There was a time in my life that I thought I wouldn’t make it as a slave without a kink forum. I spent most of my free time hopping from thread to thread, leaving my opinion. Experience-based opinion, I’d point out, as if that means a hill of beans to the person on the other side of the screen. I’d razz a few excellent sparring partners, pick a couple fights, laugh with my friends at the silliness of it all. Ahh, the good old days.

But then I realized I didn’t really like who that meant I was (the “slave” who talks a good rap, but actually spends most of her day on the forum talking a good rap), and I set out to do something about it.

Boy, have I done something about it. I can’t even find a thing to talk about, these days.

I don’t feel like resaying things that have been said 189,234,590 times, or having the same arguments — often with the same people — over and over again. I’m not interested in explaining in minute detail, lest someone misunderstand something I say, all the ins and outs of what holds true in my life (which I’ll have to say so no one thinks I’m saying it should be that way in theirs) so that someone can then  tell me I’m wrong because I blinked when I should have inhaled, and the cycle of indignant, “I did say it may be different in your relationship.”s can begin again. 

Does that make me jaded?

I get it. These people are new, and they don’t know that we’ve answered the same questions 189,234,590 times, or had the same arguments repeatedly. Some of these places have hundreds, even thousands, of pages of information. Who has time to sift through all that for some obscure thread that may or may not exist? Not me. And yet, I’m left feeling like the single mother who only has one hair left in her head and is fit to be tied and will probably drown her beloved babies if she doesn’t get just one minute to herself.

Isn’t there a grown-ups table around here anywhere?

I know that part of the problem is me. Rather than continue bickering with people I don’t know, I walked away from places that really weren’t a good fit for me in the first place. But I’m not even really sure what is a good fit for me. Which is partly why we started this blog; to give me a place to talk about the things that go on in our relationship that others don’t talk about, or don’t relate to.

I mean, I ain’t no special snowflake. Guaranteed, there’s another couple out there who is just like us. Or, at least, their dynamic is. There are almost seven billion people in the world, and according to the latest count on Fetlife, at least 1,546,100 are kinky. The odds of two of them not being just like Master and me are slimmer than the alternative. We just haven’t found them, yet, though we’ve found lots of people who are close!

But there’s gotta be more advanced subjects to discuss than what to do about a public collar (which seems obvious to me, but apparently stumps a lot of newbies…I may have asked once back when this was all new to me, too), or how to handle a slave who doesn’t do anything that’s asked of her.

Thing is, I seem to have handed the reins over to Master and looked away, because aside from the blogs I’ve always read, I hardly even read BDSM articles, anymore, if they’re not about current events. What’s the point? He goes where he wants and drags me along behind him, as it should be. And he is rarely, if ever, on script. So those articles that describe with painstaking detail what to expect from a BDSM relationship in the beginning, middle and end are lost on me. The explanations of what dominants will do and why they’ll do it? Don’t apply. Even something like the difference between kink and abuse is blurry when it comes to our dynamic because I get off on things that others would consider abuse unequivocally.

Back in the day, like I mentioned recently, I needed affirmation that this was okay. I needed people to tell me that everyone’s different, and some people are extreme, and while there’re tons of things wrong with me, my sexuality isn’t one of them. And at first, when I didn’t get it, I let it affect me and my desires, and how I reacted to the things we got up to.

These days? I don’t need a kink forum or affirmation to be okay with our relationship dynamic. I don’t really give a fuck what people think about our relationship dynamic. But conversation about kink that doesn’t involve half the participants trying to school each other would be awesome. You know, like we did when we were in high school talking about the cute boy we had our eye on, or discussing how best to tackle a homework assignment. “Just shooting the shit,” my dad would say of the days he went over to his buddy’s house for a few beers.

Does that mean I’m getting soft? It does, doesn’t it? Oh well. It is what it is. Just call me soft-serve.


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  1. August 25th, 2012 at 14:54 | #1

    Rayne: Quiet, Junior. Let the grown-ups talk.: Isn’t there a grown-ups table around here anywhere? http://t.co/HnfTEIGN #slave

  2. September 10th, 2012 at 16:16 | #2

    My kinky maturity is still young but I have to agree. I can only take reading those forums for short doses before I yawn and go away. To each his and her own but also let yourself evolve for heaven’s sake. Sometimes there are questions that are far beyond the experience level. I have done this and I probably still do. But then I ask Sir first and he has had the answers I need most of the time. So perhaps I am soft-serve or jaded or just confused. I opt for that one.

  3. September 10th, 2012 at 17:16 | #3

    @bonimiss That’s something else I’ve noticed. So many will go to a forum rather than talking to their partner about it. This seems silly to me. A group of strangers can’t accurately tell you how to do things in your relationship, no matter how well you describe the situation. They don’t know you!

    Thanks for commenting! 🙂

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