He took all my holes today. By “took” I mean took, not “we fucked.” Ow. And yum.

I can’t remember the last time he’s done that.  We had a long talk, and a lot of shit was said. But things are headed in a direction I’m pretty excited about.

And, dude! He took all my holes today. <3

I slid across the bed to pull the teddy bear I still sleep with from the crevice between the mattress pad and the wall. What I saw in my mind when my tits hit the sheets was him shoving my torso onto the mattress, sweat dripping from my body from the thirty minutes I’d just spent on the elliptical. His hands slipped and slid when he grabbed my waist, so he dug his fingers into my hips. And then he fucked me. Hard and long.

Mmm…

I’m a Conservative Christian. If that strikes you as odd, because I’m writing on a sex blog and I write D/s erotica (among other genres), you’re not alone. How in the name of God can a Conservative Christian (CC) write erotica? Aren’t CCs the ones who are opposed to gay rights, gay marriage, sex outside of marriage and sex education that is anything other than abstinence pushing? Yeah, that’s what the visible leadership pushes. So just where am I coming from, and just what makes me a CC?

Let me tackle the second question first. I think of myself as a CC because I am a Christian who believes that the bible should be taken seriously. Notice that I didn’t say literally. Every time someone says they take the bible literally, someone else throws one of the many figures of speech out as an example of the stupidity (like the sword of his mouth). What I’m trying to say is that I’ve made a point of being familiar with what the bible says and trying to do what it tells me to do. Unfortunately, many CCs don’t take the time to be familiar with their own holy book and rely on the teachings of church leaders. Others that do learn the bible, make careless mistakes (that I’ll describe as we go). Read more…

A friend of ours stopped by and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Whoa, M! You’ve lost weight! I can see it in your face!”

I waited for him to say something to me, and when he didn’t, I was disappointed.

When he left, I said to M, “See everyone can tell you’re losing weight, but no one notices I am.”

Today, he said, “Don’t worry. If they bent you over and fucked you from behind, they’d notice you’re losing weight. You’ve got curves you never had before. Damn.”

I’m less disappointed now. =D

<3

Surely, someone smarter and much better at appealing to the masses than I am has brought these points up before. I’m not presenting them as some grand epiphany that will fix the rift between the LGBT community and the part of the Christian community that stands so firmly against them.

I bring them up more because I’m marveling at the fact that I haven’t really thought about it this way before. I mean, I spent a good portion of my life making an attempt to be the best Christian I could be, refraining from swearing or “taking the lord’s name in vain” at all times, and loving even the assholes I knew. You’d think this would have been the very first argument someone like me would make against the reasons Christians give for being against same-sex relationships.   Read more…

I try not to toot my own horn. Lord knows, I’ve got a ton of faults. When I was writing regularly, I spoke of them often, which forced me to constantly take a step back to readjust and try to fix them. I still do that, mind, it’s just less often that I spend entire days (Okay, who am I kidding? Sometimes I wallowed for months.) completely immersed in how much I suck.

So believe me when I say I’m not writing this to talk about how awesome I am. I am not awesome.

But I spent some time reading old posts, and tweets, and conversations to decide where to go next and I realize I kinda like me.

This doesn’t mean much to most people. Most people have a bit of anxiety about themselves, but over all, they mostly like themselves. I’ve disliked myself for as long as I can remember. My faults frustrate me. How hard it is to overcome and change my faults is painful. Learning things I should have learned as a child (like talking over a problem instead of screaming and crying hysterically, for example) is tiring. And for whatever reason, instead of trying to do something about a lot of it, I just hated myself. Cause that’s so productive.

But not anymore! Today, I realized I kinda like me. And that’s pretty fucking cool.

<3