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Melen’s Giveaway Answers

February 20th, 2011

K2theF asked:

Would you ever share Rayne with other men?

Yes, and I have in the past. Lately I’ve been keeping her to myself. It really depends on my mood, and it really depends on the guy.

Rayne is also my wife, and I will strike quick and hard against anyone threatening that relationship. Because of that, rayne is usually not allowed to be more than a casual acquaintance with the men I let fuck her. It’s purely for sex.

Which leads me to a common misconception; that men want sex and not anything emotional. I can’t begin to tell you how hard it’s been to find men to fuck rayne and keep emotion out of it. Inevitably they cross the line, getting too personal with attempts at friendship, and more. What ever happened to using some good pussy and moving on? Shesh!

Do you have any suggested reading, or good porn to watch, for a young aspiring Dom?

I really like the Sex & Submission and The Training of O videos. They’re both really hot. There’s been nights of mutual masturbation and sex where we’ve put on a Training of O video and actually had to stop what we were doing to watch. There was one in particular that we watched with a sense of awe, but I can’t remember which one it was, unfortunately.

There’s very little erotica that I like to read, except for most of what rayne has written. It just doesn’t interest me. I’m a very visual person.

Venus asked:

Is Rayne your first slave?

Rayne is actually my fourth real life slave. There were a number of submissives and slaves that I had a relationship with online as well. I’ve been in the lifestyle, in one form or another, since the early 90’s.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

As much of a worrier as I am you’d think I had the next decade or two mapped out, but I really don’t think that far ahead. I have some general ideas, of course. I’d like to be making more money in my job (like most people), hope to own a house in the next 10 years, and stuff like that. Really, tho, the biggest thing that matters to me is that rayne and I are together.

macho99 asked:

How’d you get started sex blogging?

I don’t really do a whole lot of blogging myself. Insatiable Desire (not yet named) originally started out as a site for rayne to enter her journal entries into each week. Then it was expanded into what would now be called a blog, tho the term didn’t exist at the time (and to be honest, I still hate the term). The first few websites were specifically rayne’s, and all the code and layout was done by me.

Eventually we thought it’d be good to turn the site into one we can both post on, and a name was chosen. As I got more busy with work, I had less time to code and do layout on the site, so we switched to Joomla for awhile.

After a year, at least, of severe frustration with Joomla (it just isn’t written to do what I want to do), I finally gave up and switched to WordPress, content to modify an existing theme to save time. I’ve been pretty happy with the switch to WordPress.

Originally we wanted a place for rayne to “think out loud”, and eventually we thought it might help some people new to BDSM specifically. The original goal wasn’t specifically about sex, but all aspects of our life together.

Lucid Obsession asked:

Do you have any suggestions for a role model for female dominants?

That’s kinda a weird question to ask a male dominant. I know this will probably not make anyone happy, but female dominants aren’t really anything I’m interested in. Call it upbringing, or call me misguided if you choose, but I personally believe women should be submissive to men.

This is not to be confused with misogyny, which is specifically “the hatred of women by men”. I don’t hate women; quite the opposite actually.

That’s not to say that I have any issues with most female dominants. Most that I’ve met and talked to, that didn’t act like total bitches, I got along with just fine. They have their opinions, and I have mine, and for mature adults that isn’t an issue at all. This is something the world needs to learn. It’s OK for mature adults to have differing opinions, as long as those opinions make sense. I don’t bludgeon anyone with my testosterone, and I expect not to be bludgeoned with feminism in return.

I’m also not saying that I feel all women are weak, or unintelligent. Yes, I’m trying to cover all the bases so noone misunderstands what I’m saying here.

At any rate, no idea on an answer to your question.

Selective Sensualist asked:

If you could win a $5,000 shopping spree at any store, which store would it be and what would you buy?

That’s tough. I don’t think I could spend $5000 at any of the online BDSM stores, tho a spree at stockroom.com or extremerestraints.com would be awesome! Extreme Restraints does have quite a bit of dungeon furniture I’d love to have once I have a house. I think that would be my first choice.

If I was still in a small apartment like I am now, it would probably be something more mundane. Either I’d go buy us both new Macbook Pro’s (and hell, $5000 would probably only cover 2 of the lowest end models), or we’d invest in some more high end camera equipment. We both like photography, and my poor Digital Rebel is still hanging in there, but I’d really like a good pro Canon body and a couple of L lenses. I’m not sure $5000 would cover that either. Some of those lenses are incredibly expensive,

Which do YOU think came first? The chicken or the egg?

I think that, via mutation, a bird much like a chicken laid the first chicken egg. Which, if you think about it, would mean the egg came first.

What is your favorite past-time/activity you like to do with your kiddos?

Unfortunately, all our kids live in different states right now. We used to like taking them geocaching tho. That was fun.

What is your favorite movie?

I don’t really have a single favorite movie. I loved Excalibur as a kid (with a younger Patrick Stewart). So many movies are crap these days, but there’s a few we’ve seen recently that really shined:

  • Black Death – This movie (Sean Bean is the main character) blew me away. It’s set during the time of the first bubonic plague outbreak in England. This is not a feel good movie, to be sure.
  • The Fall – This movie has Lee Pace from Pushing Daises in it. Such an odd actor, there’s something about him tho. It’s set in 1920’s Los Angeles and Pace plays an injured stuntman who makes up a story for another young patient. The little girl is obviously not an actress, and I’ve read where many people had a problem with her unprofessional acting. I think that was the point, and it adds an incredible amount of realism. Watching Pace interact with her was more than simple acting, and he got points in my book just for that. I was, and still am, very impressed.
  • Antichrist – If there was any doubt about Willem Dafoe’s acting ability, this movie should silence all doubters. The movie is primarily about a couple who retreat to the woods to mourn the loss of a child. That doesn’t begin to explain it, and this movie did something no movie has ever done to me. It made me extremely uncomfortable. Yes, some of it was brutal (visually), but it really wasn’t specifically the violence. The whole movie creates a very uncomfortable feeling right til the end. Not for the faint of heart, but it’ll leave an impression. I will never watch this movie again, but I don’t regret watching it at all.
  • Monty Python and the Holy Grail – Doesn’t need explanation!
  • The Secret of Kells – This is an animated movie about the Book of Kells, which is an illuminated manuscript written in latin. [[Illuminated manuscript]]s have been an interest of mine lately. It’s not only the story that made this movie tho. The animation is absolutely mind blowing. I don’t remember the exact term for this type of animation, but it’s like 2d celtic style. It’s hard to explain, but this movie is absolutely mind blowing visually.
  • Despicable Me and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs I thought were hilarious. Ya, I watch cartoons too. Watched Hercules with rayne last night, in fact. Funny movie.

Anyways, I’ll stop. I’m sure you get the picture. I like most things except straight dramas (I get bored, heh).

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Going to Zaire (now Republic of the Congo), Africa when I was 13. On the way, we spent a week in Lisbon, Portugal. Both countries had a profound effect on me. It’s really sad what’s been happening in the Congo. The thing I remember most about people in Kinshasa is that they didn’t take anything for granted. They were very friendly, generous and forgiving. With all that was going on in Zaire at the time, I only really felt unsafe once, and that was my own stupidity. I whipped out my camera at the ivory market in Kinshasa and ended up with some rifles pointed at me. They were very touchy about cameras. Even there, it was quickly settled, and on our way we went.

As much as I want to vacation in Ireland someday, I really want to take rayne to Lisbon. What an amazing place. I think that was the first time I’d thought to appreciate architecture, and the hedge maze (for a 13 year old) was incredibly fun.

Have you ever enjoyed having a cat for a pet as much as you’ve enjoyed having Cara?

It seems odd, but no. I can remember one cat when I was very young, but after she died I didn’t really get too close to pets. I’m not sure that’s actually because she died, or just because I got older. I, and by extension we, have been very stressed lately. We both have a lot of responsibilities, which can weigh on you. Cara, for some inexplicable reason, is absolutely perfect for us. And not just one of us; both of us. She’s an attention whore, but not to the point where it gets annoying. She seems to be able to sense when we want attention, and when we’re busy and need to be left alone. She gives us that perfect level of attention, and she’s damn funny. Playing with her is one hell of a stress relief for us both, and I have to be honest that nights when she sleeps on my pillow right above my head makes me smile. Like I said, the perfect amount of attention. She’s definitely a permanent part of the family now.

Zedd (our cockatiel) is part of our family too, but he’s like the asshole cousin that comes over just before the holidays, drinks all your beer and tries to fuck your wife. Ya, he’s family, but sometimes you want to punch him in the family jewels.

As the dominant, what do you do to ensure that you are considerate of Rayne’s emotional well-being? Do you have any specific type of routine for nurturing her emotional state?

Right now we don’t have much structure. Rayne is settling into her new jobs, and I’ve been busy taking on more at work. I’m not really sure what you mean by emotional well-being, tho. If she’s unhappy, there’s little in this world that can prevent her from eventually saying so.

I also pay attention. Most of the time rayne doesn’t know just how much I’m aware of. I do not hide the fact that I love her, want her, am attracted to her, and when she does it in the right way I’ll listen. That’s sometimes a problem, her doing it the right way, but as all people we continue to work on our communication. We take time to cuddle, even if it’s just plopping on the Cocoon for 5 minutes. I’m deeply into humiliation play, so I have to be careful to let rayne know, through both body language and speech, that I want her (as a wife, as a slave, etc).

This is why I feel there’s a limit to how deep a relationship can become if it’s only online. There is absolutely no way for the dominant to pick up on body language, especially facial expressions. Those that only chat are completely missing out on the nuance of speech (even if it’s a phone relationship, there’s much by way of inflection that can be missed). I can tell when something’s on raynes mind by the look on her face and by the tone of her voice, or even how she’s standing. For some areas, I know her better than she knows herself. That can’t happen unless you have a significant period of face time with each other.

I use all these cues to determine if rayne needs anything emotionally and mentally. I’m not perfect, tho, and sometimes I’m way off, and rayne will usually let me know that, one way or another.

There are small things I will do to reinforce the state of mind I want her in. Such as, I may have her wear an additional collar and cuffs while she’s working. I may walk over, out of the blue, roughly grab her by the hair and stick my tongue in her mouth before she can resist.

I dunno, I could probably write an entire post to answer this question. I know what you’re thinking, and maybe I will.

If you were offered the opportunity to live in the distant future, would you seize the opportunity (provided that Rayne could go, too)? One caveat: you would have absolutely no idea what the future world would be like before committing to your decision.

As much as it would intrigue me, and as much as I would want to, I would probably not seize the opportunity. I’m not convinced we’re going to be around in the distant future. Human beings, by nature, are violent (and we ARE animals, afterall). That violence has the same effect, whether it’s done for a “good” or a “bad” cause. Hell, maybe Wikileaks will indirectly cause world war 3. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the ass?

Even if we continued to evolve, and were technologically more advanced than we are now, I’m not sure that I would be happy skipping so much history. My dreams are more related to being in space. I’d love if there was a way for someone like me to go into space before I die. I’m not convinced that’s going to happen, but if anyone can do it it’ll be the private sector, who has the obscene amount of money to make such a thing happen.

I have been involved with technology since I was quite young. It’s what pays my bills, and I get excited when discovering new technologies. On the other hand, I believe technology is going to turn us all into lazy slobs with entitlement issues. I think technology will ultimately contribute to our downfall.

Crystal asked:

You’re stuck on a desert island with 2 sex toys (and an unlimited supply of batteries!)- what would you pick?

Rayne is really the one that uses toys, not me. However, just send rayne to my island, and you can keep the batteries.

TitsMcScandal asked:

What was the last thing that Rayne got for review that you were excited about?

The Cocoon, for sure. I love this thing! We’ve fucked on it more than our bed, lately. It’s awesome if you have any knee pain, which I do from a job injury when I was younger. It’s also great for just relaxing and reading a book. I seriously like everything from Liberator.

Furniture probably isn’t what you meant tho. I like all of the metal butt plugs she has. I want her to get the whole set. I forget the name, tho.

What is the cutest thing that Cara does? (I know, it is hard to decide, I have cats of my own! :P )

She absolutely cracks me up when she’s in a cat nap one second, and then viciously chasing her own tail the next. She makes me dizzy with how fast she spins around. And it’s obvious she knows it’s her own tail, and she’s having fun chasing it regardless.

She also has this newer thing where she comes and hops on the bed and sticks her face right in each of ours and meows. Then she’ll hop off the bed and sit in the kitchen. She’ll keep doing this unless we tell her to stop. When she does this she’s begging for breakfast.

Lately, if she knows one of us is upset, she’ll come and give us attention. It’s very obvious that she’s doing it intentionally, too.

Dusk asked:

Were you in a D/s relationship with your previous wife?

I do have an ex-wife, from when I was young. We were married for 4 years. This was actually prior to my exposure to the D/s lifestyle; at least by name. However, I was still (mostly) the head of the household, and made most (if not all) of the major decisions. I wouldn’t ever consider her a “submissive”, but would say in most things she was “subservient”. Except, apparently, for simple things like keeping the house from turning into a disaster when I was the only one working. That drove me crazy.

Categories: Melen Tags:
  1. February 20th, 2011 at 15:26 | #1

    As if I’d ever resist you kissing me. I still love you more. 🙂

  2. rayne
    February 22nd, 2011 at 21:23 | #2

    Ok, so i totally liked how you were not afraid to really say this. i, of course, as a submissive feel the same way…

    Call it upbringing, or call me misguided if you choose, but I personally believe women should be submissive to men.

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