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30DoK: Define Your Kinky Self by Jade

January 17th, 2011

Jade

Rayne’s been bugging everyone for a guest post defining their kinky selves for the writing project Thirty Days of Kink. Next up, Jade of Pieces of Jade.

From Jade’s Bio: I am what you see here…and yet so much more.  These are just pieces of me, of who I am and what I do.

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

As Scarlet Lotus says in her first 30 Days of Kink post, much of what I have been writing about all along in my blog has been about just that: discovering who I am in kink, musing on where I’ve been, talking about where I am now, exploring where I’m going. It’s been, and continues to be, a wild ride.

I’ve been practicing BDSM for about 10 years now, off and on, and in those years have learned much about myself and what makes me tick, and yet I am still learning, all the time, and it is still hard to pin just one label on myself.

Mostly I define myself as a sexual submissive, but even as I write this I recognize how fluid my self-definition is, because while my kink is primarily tied to my sexual self, that may be because the type of relationship I am in defines it that way.  My sexuality is deeply tied to kink, and my kink to sex; and as  I am currently in a relationship that leans heavily to sexual kink, as opposed, say, to D/s, domestic servitude or other forms of 24/7 control, that is how I tend to identify myself.  Still, the submission that my current BDSM partner inspires in me doesn’t always stay in the bedroom.  It bleeds over into my daily interactions with my Owner, in overt and less overt ways.  And I have a feeling that if he wanted more control over my day-to-day life, if he wanted more D/s, I would willingly go there.  So while I’ve pretty much figured out what works for me in BDSM, I also recognize that who I am and how I express it really is largely influenced by my partner and what his desires are, because, at my heart I truly am a submissive.

So what about those other labels, then? As my Fetlife profile says, “I’ve worn many labels: submissive, bottom, masochist, painslut, playslut, attention whore, exhibitionist, voyeur, slut, fucktoy, kinkster, brat.” At the root of any and every label, though, is the fact that I like–need–to be the one to give up control. Whether it is physically, sexually or in decision-making, I want to be the one on the bottom.  I want to either give up my control willingly, or have it taken from me. The how of it is not so important: whether it is through the trappings, rules and rituals of a D/s relationship; the physicality of bondage; the emotional bondage of humiliation play; the gradual stripping away of one’s humanity via objectification or the raw spaces of pain play, at the heart of it is a desire to be controlled and to submit myself to another’s will.  And that, while not the complete or only definition of my kinky self, is truly the foundation and core of it.

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