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Answers to the Things You Asked Rayne

January 5th, 2011

You guys asked a TON of questions! It took me forever to get up the gumption to answer some of them. You guys totally rock. So click “read more” and check out the answers. It’s LONG. 4555 words. So I won’t be offended if you don’t read them all today. Or ever.

TitsMcScandal asked:

Do you feel that the institution of marriage is becoming obsolete?

M says it’s my generation’s apathy, and your generation’s belief that marriage sucks that is making it obsolete.

If you take a look at history, a lot of cultures used marriage as a business transaction between families. Children were betrothed to other children of the family with the most to bring to the table.

Some cultures are still that way.

However, for as long as I’ve been alive, the people who’ve been nearest and dearest to me have tried to impress upon me that marriage is about love, and commitment, not money, or benefits. Matter of fact, I hadn’t a clue about the legal benefits to being married until I was married. I’m sure my parents mentioned it. But it was such a small part of “What Marriage Is™” that it didn’t really fix itself in my mind.

Is it necessary? No. If you don’t want to get married, don’t get married.

Is it obsolete? Eh… For some it is. For some it isn’t. For M and me, it was about making His ownership legal, just as much as it was about our love. For my grandparents, it was about being in love. For my friend up in Whitehall, it was about helping out a guy who would have been deported if he’d been found out, and all he had done was overstay his school visa. I guess it all depends on how you slice it.

(Jesus, this post is gonna be long.)

Lucid Obsession asked:

What is the best toy that you’ve come across of for g-spot play?

I answered this the other day, and I’ve already forgotten what I said. That’s… messed up. I love Ellove for g-spot play. Cloud 9 is good. It just depends on what kind of stimulation you need.

Kindred asked:

Of all the numerous toys you have reviewed, which is your favorite that you always find yourself reaching for?

Lately, it’s been Form 3. But that just might be because it’s the one that’s always charged. I’ve figured out that I just can’t use it as intended, with my finger in the part that bends. My hand cramps before I even get the thing to my clit. Damn arthritis. So I use the tip, like I do with most everything else.

My favorite dildo is Leo.

How did you meet Melen?

While my ex was in Shock Camp (a boot camp, of sorts, for non-violent first offenders), M’s ex-fiancee (with whom he has 4 children… sort of) moved in next door to one of my friends. She and I hit it off, and became rather close. I started answering her phone for her while she was doing things with the kids, and M and I would flirt back and forth. And then finally, she introduced us.

It was a hilarious introduction. I was walking my dog, and He was in town with his fuck buddy picking up the kids. They were outside my house, and I stopped to say hi. While I stood there talking to M’s fuck buddy about puppies, He tried to focus on the conversation He was having with His ex while staring at me over the car.

Later, He called, and expressed His interest, and I said, “You can’t dominate the dominant.”

Not too long after that, I tried to commit suicide, and M threatened to have people arrested if they didn’t call 911. While I was in the hospital, He called me every hour when I got out of group, and we fell in love over conversations about how fucked up my life has been. The rest, as they say, is history.

How did you celebrate your last anniversary?

This is really shitty, but I honestly don’t remember. We don’t always celebrate in the traditional sense, so probably it was spent drinking and watching South Park.

I used to love when my cat would wake me up by gently touching his paw onto my nose. Annoying, but cute. Does Cara have any endearing habits you’d like to share?

Cara is a nut. I didn’t expect an adult cat to be so active. Most of my cats before her were lazy. Cara likes to play, and will get depressed if we don’t make time to play with her.

But I think the thing that both infuriates me and makes me adore her is when she just can’t stand being alone all night, so she paces the edge of the bed from my feet to M’s head, sticking her nose in my face until I wake up, and then lays down on M’s pillow.

You have several Liberator pieces (lucky girl!). What one piece is your favorite and why?

I reserve the right to change my mind when the Cocoon arrives, but right now, my favorite is the Escape. Especially with our new wolf blanket spread out across the top. Makes it all snuggly and warm. Add the Ramp, and the Heart Wedge, and you’ve got the most comfortable gaming station you’ve ever seen.

But mostly, I like it because our loveseat is dying, and is rather uncomfortable. So the Escape gives M and me the ability to lay on the floor and snuggle comfortably while we’re watching porn or television.

So where do you hope to be in 20 years? 30 years?

Not here. Seriously. I hope like hell we’re somewhere warm, and beautiful, and full of color and happy people. Or at least mostly happy people. Happier than the New Yorkers I know, anyway.

And I want M to not be working unless He wants to be. He deserves that, I think.

Which one of you is Cara’s pet?

You know, it’s hard to tell. She seems to fluctuate between us with no real pattern. She sleeps on His pillow, or my feet. She wakes me up on purpose in the middle of the night, but when she wakes Him up, it’s usually just because she jumped on the bed. She lays by my chair, but she’s been known to get in His chair and lay behind Him while He’s sitting there. Then again… she’s been known to climb under my butt while I’m squatting on a chair for a photo shoot, too. So, who knows, really?

What is your favorite genre to read?

It’s really hard for me to pick favorites. Everything’s so different.

I love murder mysteries and occult fiction. The classics are growing on me, now that I’m older, and can appreciate a book with a message. Right now, though, I’m kinda digging on fantasy. I miss the magic of my youth, and fantasy kind of reminds me of that.

What is the most difficult item you’ve had to review?

The most difficult item for me to review is always something I hate. I like to make an attempt to remain diplomatic because I am the very embodiment of the idiom “One man’s pleasure is another man’s poison.”

Case in point, the Njoy Pure Wand. I hate it. Hate, hate, HATE it. It’s uncomfortable and it gets hung up on my pubic bone. But most women like it. So I haven’t written a review yet, because I’m not convinced I can be diplomatic. I’m weird, I know.

What is the most romantic thing Melen has done for you?

M’s not really a romantic in the traditional sense, but that’s partly due to the nature of our relationship. I think He thinks (and I agree) that romancing His property is something to be used as a reward for good behavior, more than something to maintain the passion in the relationship. We have other ways of doing that, obviously, but they rarely include things like buying me flowers, or taking me out to dinner. Though He does those things occasionally too.

Probably the most romantic thing M has ever done for me is make the conscious decision to accept me for who I am. I’m not perfect, and I can be a horrid person to be around, and I’m rather difficult to reason with sometimes, but He doesn’t care as long as I make an effort. And that is something one has trouble finding, these days.

Did you do anything special on Christmas day?

I made the awesomest ham dinner I’ve ever made in my life. Everything came out perfect. I think that’s pretty special!

What did you get for Melen for Christmas?

Blah… He cheated. He said, “I want Vue, so that’s what you’re getting me for Christmas.”

What is the last movie you went to see together?

You missed the whole bit about my memory sucking, right?

Uh… Let me check my trusty scrapbook, and see what stubs I can find. Yes… It’s been that long.

Nothing! Wth?

The last movie I remember going to see was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. We went with His daughter. I think we went to one after that just us, but I can’t remember.

What did you do to celebrate your 8th anniversary?

Mostly we just drank wine, and hung out together. That’s how we celebrate most things, I guess. Lol.

What is the greatest challenge you have faced so far in your marriage?


I think the hardest part, for both of us, has been facing and accepting my mental/emotional issues, and trying to help me learn how to differentiate between an actual problem, and one caused by said issues.

This is particularly hard for me because I’ve worked really hard at not using my issues as a crutch. So pointing at them and saying, “This is why I act this way.” has always felt like an excuse. It’s taken a lot of work to realize that if I point at them and say, “This is why I act this way, and now that I know that, I’m gonna try to avoid it.” is not the same thing as saying, “This is why I act this way. Deal with it.”

I think it’s been difficult for us as a couple because M and I speak two different languages, and it took a while for us to realize that. We’re doing so much better with it, though.

Where/when did you get Cara?

M and I both sort of talked about this in a post, but I’ll sum it up here.

A friend of ours got Cara from the shelter, and then went into the hospital. Since she didn’t have her long, the family wasn’t interested in keeping her, seeing her as more of a possession than a living being, and was going to put her back in the shelter. Since M and I were thinking of getting a cat anyway, we took her in.

The Bedroom Blogger asked:

How did all of the drama pan out today? I saw your tweets on and off about someone getting shot across the street? Crazy! I got the impression that you felt a bit unsafe before today’s incident, no?

Supposedly there’s an investigation. The news said two people tried to break into his house, and shot him when he tried to keep them out. I guess they took off after that. He had to have a rod put in his leg.

The other day, I ran into the chick who used to live underneath him, and I guess instead of calling 911, he called the girl upstairs. O.o

We’re hoping it’s an isolated incident. But yeah… we’ve been hoping to move for a while.

What’s your favorite Christmas memory?

The first time M insisted on checking to see if there were still Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets free at Proctors. I was skeptical, cause I hadn’t even heard a song by them. They blew me away, and it was incredible being able to share that experience with Him.

Selective Sensualist asked:

What specific quality of (or moment in time with) Melen made you certain that he was “the one”?

Even though He barely knew me, M was the only person… the only person who called to check up on me when I attempted suicide. And then, instead of running away like I expected, He accepted me as I am, and pursued a relationship with me. Then, when I told Him that I wasn’t interested in His chosen lifestyle, He made the decision to overcome His need for control to be with me. If I hadn’t figured it out by then, it became painfully obvious when He made that decision.

When did you first realize you were into kink and what was the first thing with which you experimented in exploring this world?

I always knew I was “different”. Isn’t that always how the answer to this question starts?

I had fantasies of being kidnapped and held as a sex slave from a very young age. My best-elementary-school-friend and I used to act out rape and torture scenes with our Barbies. My Jordan Knight doll was always the rapist, because we liked him the least, so that made it hotter. I have no idea who came up with the idea, or where we got it. A much smarter child than I may have caught on to the possible warning signs, but I was too busy concentrating on the ache in my pussy.

When I was 14-15 I watched Exit to Eden with my adopted mom, and realized there was a name for it. But my first kinky experiences, beyond putting clothespins and such on my nipples when I masturbated, weren’t until I was with my ex, and most of them were forced or coerced.

Are the two of you planning on having any children of your own? (Please disregard if this is too personal, with my apologies.)

We’ve got eleven kids between the two of us. I begged the doc to tie my tubes after my second one. I don’t foresee human babies in our future. Lol.

Do you consider yourself a romantic? If so, how does this merge with your more kinky side? Is it a seamless, two-sides-of-the-same-coin kind of thing or is it more like polar opposite extremes? (I always thought that it was possible to be both kinky AND romantic.) :)

I can be traditionally romantic. I’ve been lazy, of late. I have a tendency to get my feelings hurt when M doesn’t return the gesture, even though I know it’s partly because He sees traditional romance as more of a reward for a slave. And when He doesn’t return the gesture for a long time, I stop doing it myself. It’s stupid, and juvenile, and I’m trying to overcome it.

I don’t see romance and kink as mutually exclusive. It’s just that sometimes, romance looks different in a kink relationship.

For example, one of the most romantic things I can do for M is spend an hour torturing myself while He watches. One of the most romantic things He can do for me is tie me to the bed and flog me. So definitely two sides of the same coin, just with different faces.

What is the worst sex toy you have ever tried?

Uh… Hmm…

I HATE the Zing by Tantus. I dunno what genius thought ribs on a buttplug was a good idea, but they should be fired. HEH.

I really don’t like Benjamin Bond much. His vibes are cool, and he’s great for S&M. But all that texture is effing painful, man! Which means the next time I’m torturing my pussy, I’m probably gonna give him a whirl.

Probably the worst toy I’ve reviewed, though, was the Calla Lily by Cal Exotics. I tossed that the second I hit publish on the review.

What was the very best surprise that you planned for Melen?

God, I don’t know. The one I remember most fondly was when I made a batch of my Chocolate Chip Heaven Cookies, and stuck a candle in one for His birthday. Somehow, I managed to do all that without Him even realizing I’d stepped away from the computer. And believe me, that’s a trick. Dude somehow manages to yammer my ear off all day, and still get a ton of work done.

What was your favorite Christmas present this year?

Being reminded that His ownership encompasses everything. And with such a simple gesture.

I wrote about it somewhere, but I’ve forgotten where. All He did was send me into Bath and Body Works to pick out a new scent. And then, when He found out about the sale they were having, He allowed me to pick two.

But it wasn’t what He did, so much as how He did it. When I didn’t ask, or even slow my gait, as we passed the store, M froze in His tracks and said, “Go pick a new scent.” If we’d been home, I’d have been a melted puddle of slave goo at His feet.

What is the toughest lesson you have learned in your marriage?

I considered sending you to Kindred’s answer above, but I suppose the two are different, if I really think about it.

The toughest lesson, for me, has probably been that even if M were to be the type to be swayed by the “But I’m your wife!” argument, it wouldn’t be fair to ask Him to. To either of us, really.

I begged Him to control me forever before the discussion of marriage hit the table. I agreed to be His slave. I asked Him to do the most dirty, depraved things He could think of to me. And I flat out told Him that if He didn’t constantly challenge me to be better, stronger, smarter I would lose interest and seek the challenge elsewhere.

He constantly rises to the occasion, and I’ve come to know that I can trust Him to do so. So trying to beg out of my station, at this point, by giving the “wife” part of my responsibility to Him more weight than I’ve shown I believe it deserves would be dishonest, and would do us both a great disservice.

But it wasn’t easy realizing that even by forcing me to do things that I initially shy away from, He was challenging me. Accepting that by holding me to my promise to do as He wishes even when I don’t want it, He was fulfilling His promise as my husband and owner to challenge me to be better for Him, and not for me, or society, was tough.

Any plans for the New year?

We generally spend our New Year on the couch with a bottle of bubbly and a live stream of the ball dropping in NYC. This year was no different. Just the way we like it. Cozy and together.

What is your best New Year’s memory?

Actually, it’s one of the few good memories I have of my mother.

I think my dad was in North Carolina at the time. Or he could have just been on duty. I don’t remember. But it was just Mom, my sister and me.

Keep in mind, as I tell you this story, that Mom is probably the biggest neat freak I’ve ever met. Everything had to be just so. We cleaned at least twice a week. I’m talking washing the baseboards, and scrubbing the walls cleaning. To give an example of her neurosis, when we were selling a house –or if we rented and the LL was showing it because we were moving– Mom would hire a maid. And when the maid was scheduled to come, we had to clean the house top to bottom and be finished not a minute before she showed up.

But this one year… This one year, Mom brought home a big box of noisemakers, and confetti, and streamers, and those little plastic bottle shaped poppers that spew paper everywhere. We put my sister to bed early, and woke her up about half an hour before the ball dropped so she’d be awake enough to celebrate with us. And then… when it got close to time… we all stood up on the couches, which was a serious no-no in our house… and we shouted the countdown at the top of our lungs… And I beheld one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.

My mother actually allowed herself to show emotion. She allowed herself to get excited. And my mother… made a mess. And then! She left it till morning.

What advice would you offer someone who is emotionally supporting a recently-widowed friend?

Oh god. I’m horrible with these things. I don’t do well, at all, with death, and I never know what to say to a friend who’s lost a loved one.

The best I can suggest is to just be there for them. Try not to talk too much. Just listen. And if you don’t know what to say, just hold them. Or if they’re not into that, then tell them you’re there for them. And really be there for them.

But most of all, remember that if they’re not receptive, or if they lash out at you, it’s not about you or your friendship. It’s about them, and their pain. And in that situation, the best you can do is just take it with a grain of salt, and continue to be there for them.

If you’re in this situation, my thoughts are with your friend. I’m scared to death of losing M. I don’t know what I’ll do.

Imagine that you have won a dream vacation. You can go anywhere in the world your heart desires for an entire week and stay at any type of accommodation — a five-star hotel, a bed and breakfast, a cabin . . . you name it! What would your destination be? What type of accommodations would you seek? What would be your idea of the perfect evening the first jet-lag free day that you are there?

Disney World at the Animal Kingdom resort. I know it’s silly, but there have been two times I’ve seen M sublimely happy, embracing His inner child and completely relaxed. The first was at Disney. The second is when He’s playing with Cara. And I’d give anything under the sun to have a vacation like that again.

What hobby/interest do you have in which Melen doesn’t share an interest?

Hmm… We’re lucky in that we share a lot of the same interests, so this is a toughie…

Our tastes in music are different. My father is a serious music lover who listens to just about everything but rap, and even that has exceptions. So growing up, he was mostly accepting of whatever music I took a liking to, so long as it didn’t encourage me to become a prostitute, do drugs, kill people, or worship Satan. If he hated it, he just asked that I keep it down.

Through his encouragement, I developed my own love for music, and even learned to play a couple instruments. But my tastes encompass pretty much everything but opera. I can appreciate a song with a good beat, and a decent melody, even if the lyrics are shite.

M, on the other hand, is sort of particular about His music. He hates country, likes very little pop, and really only listens to Eminem as far as rap goes. Mostly, He likes trance and meditation (Score one for me! I introduced Him to this kind of music.), and what He calls “Progressive Rock”. Basically, it’s bands that do a lot of experimentation with sound. Often they put out concept cds, which are albums that tell a story, and usually have a moral. And I guess I have to give Him a point for getting me into them, because I hadn’t even heard of Progressive Rock before I met Him, and now I’m hooked.

Other than that, writing, needlepoint, and letting my inner child show whenever the mood strikes me are about it.

Delta O. asked:

What is your favorite impact toy ever? The one you hope gets used on you over everything else!

Oh gosh… It’s hard to pick a favorite because I like them all at different times, and for different reasons.

For example, my very favorite when I’m craving not just pain, but also a challenge, is the cane. It’s really hard for me to stay still when M canes me.

But if I want something more sensual, I’ll reach for M’s kangaroo flogger.

Misfit Momma asked:

Of all the Liberator Shapes, which one is your most favorite or most used?

The most used is probably the Ramp. I use it for masturbation, sex, playing video games, watching tv… Lol.

Dusk asked:

Rayne, what is your favourite go-to fantasy?

This is a really weird one, considering how tame it is, but here goes…

M going down on me. No, really. If I can’t get myself off, I just imagine His face between my legs.

What makes this even weirder is Him eating me out makes me really uncomfortable. I know I’m clean, and He wouldn’t do it if He didn’t want to, and He’d tell me if for some reason I tasted off, and He wouldn’t be a jerk about it. But knowing that doesn’t help much.

Yet, it’s still the thing that gets me off. That’s probably cause He’s’ so damn good at it.

Stacee Jaxxx asked:

Rayne, what was your first sex toy?

It was this ridiculous sort of penis sleeve/rabbit thing. It was supposed to be stretchy but it really wasn’t. And it was hard, and pointy. To say it hurt in the bad kinda way would be the understatement of the year.

Lamb Chop asked:

Whose idea was it to start blogging, and what was your inspiration?

The blog was my idea. At the time, I think we were both Mods in #submission on Dalnet. I was trying to research slavery on the net, and talking to people who claimed to be slaves, out of some misguided hope that there were other people out there just like me who, though they wanted to be slaves, were finding slavery difficult. Unfortunately, so many of the slaves I encountered, either on forums or in blogs, always maintained this image of perfection I didn’t identify with. I thought it just couldn’t be possible that I was the only one having trouble, but I couldn’t get anyone to admit that they were struggling because they were all afraid the others would find them lacking.

So… I begged for a blog. And when M asked me why I wanted a blog, I said that I wanted to let other people know that they’re not the only ones struggling, and they don’t suck for not getting it right on the first try, and there is hope for us all yet. He told me that if I was going to do this, I was going to be completely forthcoming in my approach, or He would shut it down. That meant discussing mistakes, punishments, degradations, and the emotions that go along with them.

It’s not perfect. I still occasionally hold back. But I think that, if anything, I’ve at least given people a reason to keep trying. At that’s a good thing, from where I sit.

  1. Kindred
    January 5th, 2011 at 19:11 | #1

    Thanks for all of the answers, I really enjoyed reading them.

  2. Selective Sensualist
    January 5th, 2011 at 21:08 | #2

    Wow, I am loving your answers! I have read about half-way through and need to come back when I have more time, LOL!

  3. January 6th, 2011 at 10:39 | #3

    @Kindred You read them all? You’re nuts. I went crazy answering them all! 😛

    @Selective Sensualist Lol I understand. There were a lot of questions, and I’m rather verbose. Can’t wait to see M’s answers.

  4. Kindred
    January 6th, 2011 at 15:52 | #4

    Of course I read them! I want to know every bloody detail 🙂 And I can’t wait to read Melen’s responses either.

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