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After Christmas Epiphany

December 28th, 2010

Last week, M decided we were going to go to the mall. We haven’t been in ages. Years, maybe. At least to this particular mall. And it was so last minute. But I’d decided at the beginning of this week that, since I’d accepted a job right before a time I’d asked Him to take off, and had been too chicken shit to ask if I could start when His vacation was over, I was going to just follow His lead, and do whatever He wanted.

I really had no holiday ideas of my own, anyway. I mean, I could spout all the cliche things my family did growing up. Driving around to look at lights, and bonfires, and Christmas caroling, and snowball fights (we managed even though we never got more than 3″ snow, and it rarely lasted more than a couple hours), and holiday shopping, and breakfast with Santa Claus at the local mall, and hot chocolate in front of the fireplace… At Christmas, most of the time, we pulled together, my family. 

But M grew up in an entirely different environment. And besides that, we’re both sort of touchy about crowds, and traditions all wrapped up with a bow and handed to us on a silver platter. We like to pretend we’re forging our own way. ~winkwink~ Or, at least, I do. M’s beginning to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, after experimentation, you find you really like things to be the way they’ve always been because you like the way they’ve always been, but that it’s also really good to try new things.

He got me to try flounder on Christmas Eve. My dad says I’ve had it before. I mean, logic says I have. One grandfather was the captain of a commercial fishing boat. Another owned a commercial fishing business. A third lived on a lake, and had a boat, and took me fishing every single time I visited, unless he took Dad and my uncle deer or quail hunting. So we were always eating some kind of fish growing up.

I have terrible nightmares about the lake house. I can’t ever quite remember the details.

M said to me the other day, “We’re getting older.” Always with the “we”. As if He doesn’t know I’ve been 21 for the past 9 years.

“We’re getting older,” He says. “I’ve been noticing lately that we’re both much more forgiving.”

And for a second, I almost allowed myself to hear, “You’re an asshole, but I’m being nice to you.” though I know that if that were what He meant, that’s what He’d say. But then, I smiled. Because He’s right.

We’re learning from each other more, these days, than we did in the beginning. And lately, I sound like this big ball of Wisconsin cheese, bouncing around the web, singing about how awesome my man is.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if this forgiving nature we’re developing doesn’t do more harm than good. I mean, didn’t we start this with Him ruling me with an iron fist? And wasn’t the name of the game, at some point, “You will do what I say, whether you like it or not, and that’s that.”? And didn’t we both say that’s what we wanted?

Oh, don’t get me wrong. There are still rules that are absolutely not to be broken, and Master’s more than willing to put His foot down when I’m getting dangerously close to crossing those lines. I think we’re just also getting more comfortable with who we are individually, and as a couple, and that’s making it easier to be accepting of the little things that drive us both bonkers. Or if not accepting, at least tolerant.

I’m laughing as I write this, because I’m pretty sure it was only a couple years ago, at most, when Carrie wrote basically the same thing about her relationship with Taylor, and I wondered if M and I would ever find that day.

In any case, it is what it is, and we’re happy and healthy, and that’s really all that matters.

The single most bizarre thing about this holiday season, though, has been noticing that M’s a lot like so many of the dominants I read about, and I love it just as much as the submissives touting their awesomeness.

As we walked through the mall, we passed Bath and Body Works. I really should have grown out of that store when I dropped out of high school, and that couldn’t have been more obvious that day. The first question out of the teeny little 20something who snagged me as soon as I walked in the door was “Shopping for your daughter?” and the majority of the people completely clogging the aisles were mother/daughter couples, with the daughters being somewhere in their teens. But I mean… the scents are awesome! And while the “moisturizing” products aren’t perfect, they do work better than nothing. ~snicker~

I didn’t even break my stride. M hates that store. Even the fact that it’s always a pussyfest isn’t enough to curtail His hatred. From the teenyboppers giggling and shouting over their newest discovery, to the pushy sales people bombarding you with sales and special gifts, the place can be quite exasperating. Especially around the holidays.

So imagine my surprise when M slammed on the brakes and said, “Go pick out a new scent.”

“Huh what?”

“Go in there and pick out a new scent.”

I hesitated for a minute. “But you don’t like that store.”

“So? Go.”

And then! I got to pick out two new scents because one of the 20somethings babbled for ten minutes about a sale they were having.

Today, I sit here with short(er) red hair. Next week, we’re at least buying me a new pair of slacks for M’s company holiday party that we’re probably walking to. I’ve got a new manicure system that has almost broken me of chewing my uneven nails. It’s funny how so much of what He’s done for me recently has been for His own benefit, yet has made me happier than a pig in shit.

Our Christmas, in a word? Awesome.


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  1. December 28th, 2010 at 20:58 | #1

    A. I want pics of the red. Why do I not already have pics of the red???

    B. Every time you mention my name in your blog I grin. You talk about me as if other people know exactly who I am and that amuses me. You realize at least half your readers don’t have a clue, right? But it’s cool, cuz it makes me feel like a rock star. 😀

    C. I’m going to miss you when I am on vacay, even though I’ve been too insane getting ready for vacay to talk to you lately.

    D. Your Christmas sounds quite awesome to me, too! Mmmm…. flounder!

  2. December 29th, 2010 at 09:59 | #2

    @Carrie Ann Lol. I always mean to link to you, but I always forget. And I figure if they don’t know who you are by now, then they haven’t been paying attention.

    And you are a rock star! 🙂

    M was going to take pics of the red yesterday, but at the last minute, He got roped into fixing something He let someone else take over because they were fucking it up royally, and it’s supposed to go into production soon. :/ Today or tomorrow, for definite.

    Oh! You’re leaving tomorrow! I’ll make Him take some today. Even if its just a quick snapshot.

    I’m gonna miss you, too! And I’ll totally take less time with you if it means you get a vacation. You deserve it. <3

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