Home > No Stupid (Kink) Questions > No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Question 1 – How to Attract a Master

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Question 1 – How to Attract a Master

November 3rd, 2010

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 1:

What’s the best way to attract the master I’m looking for?

The honest answer to this question is short and simple. Be yourself. 

It really doesn’t matter which venue you’re looking on. Whether on a kink site, or at a kink club, or on one of those dating phone lines (do people even use those anymore?), the best way to find the person you’re looking for is to be yourself. Not a better version of yourself. Not the you you want to be. The you you currently are. No matter who you are, there is someone out there who will be dazzled by your personality, and absolutely have to have you all to him or herself.

Some people would suggest chat rooms or kink forums to meet other kinksters. Some of these people would suggest putting your interests on display by filling out a profile, or, in the IRC days, bowing and scraping when you find a dominant who interests you. But me?

I’ve never been one to submit to someone I don’t know. Although I wasn’t involved in BDSM before I met M, I imagine if I were to, Great Purple Cabbage forbid, find myself in a place to be looking for someone again, I would hope to god they hadn’t read Insatiable Desire so they wouldn’t have any preconceived notions about who I am, and I’d approach them just like I approach any other human being. The same way I approached M the day we met. “Hi, I’m Rayne, and I’m a bitch.” 

When he or she asked my preferred place in a relationship, I’d probably offer them the same challenge I offered Him. “You can’t dominate the dominant.” 

I’d set the tone of our…whatever we have by tossing jacks and nails in the road around every bend. And in the end, if they’re strong enough, and find themselves rising to the occasion, they’ll look down one day and realize I’ve been at their feet the whole time, just like with M. And if they’re not strong enough, we’ll have a good run, but in the end, I’ll be running out the door with my eye on the next self-proclaimed alpha male in my path, leaving the last in my wake, as I so often did in my late teens and early adult years.

I don’t freely give my submission because there are far too many untrustworthy individuals in the world, and I’ve unwittingly ended up in the hands of a couple. I don’t want to be that girl again. And besides, the chase is at least half the fun. But you have to decide what type of relationship and dominant you’re looking for, and just be you. Whoever that is. The rest will happen naturally when you find the one you’re looking for.

  1. November 3rd, 2010 at 11:39 | #1

    I love this, and I hope you can keep it up. Excellent idea to try and dispel the myth that all questions from novices are stoopid! I see it all the time. Everyone needs to remember where they came from; they were right where these people were once!

  2. November 4th, 2010 at 19:13 | #2

    @lunaKM Thanks, luna. I’m hoping I can keep with it, too. Though I’m starting to feel like these series I keep starting are me taking the easy way out. :/

  3. dweaver999
    November 5th, 2010 at 07:36 | #3


    A hearty pair of Amens. First, I’ve always maintained that there are no truly stupid questions by someone who truly wants answers, other than the ones not asked. Ignorance isn’t the same as stupidity, not by a long shot.

    Secondly, being yourself is possibly the only way to find a partner, be it romantic, play, or otherwise; that you can enjoy and make part of your life. Faking and pretending will always come back to haunt you. If you no other reason than youll end up with someone you don’t really like or want.


  4. November 5th, 2010 at 14:37 | #4

    @dweaver999 Agreed. You get what you put in.

  5. LambChop
    November 9th, 2010 at 21:19 | #5

    No. I think series are an AWESOME blog feature!
    Keep it up!

  6. November 10th, 2010 at 18:37 | #6

    @LambChop Thanks. I plan to. 🙂

  7. July 19th, 2013 at 08:39 | #7

    I am new to this blog…. new to this entire concept actually, but am quite interested but not sure if l would prefer to be the dominant or the submissive one…. maybe would like to play both roles at different times… Does that sound strange ?

    So what are the better chat or websites to potentially find like minded people ?

  8. July 19th, 2013 at 10:57 | #8

    @need a babysitter Not strange at all. There’s even a name for it; you might be a switch.

    There are a couple sites, but the most popular, right now, is Fetlife.com. You need an account to browse, but registration’s free. Other sites people use, but less frequently, are Bondage.com, CollarMe.com, and Slavefarm.com. Also free to register at those sites. 🙂

  9. Camryn
    May 15th, 2014 at 23:53 | #9

    Haha, the chase!
    This is actually adorable. I swapped “Master” with “girlfriend” in my head and I cannot stop giggling at the cute.

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