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SJP#540 – Down Time

August 3rd, 2010

Do you ever get ‘down time’ or some time where you can choose how to relax? If so, what is your favorite way to spend it?

I get down time.  Quite frequently.  Though I wouldn’t exactly call it down time.  And because I’m always waiting for M to have something for me to do, I very rarely take advantage of it like I should.  I mean, what’s the point in getting engrossed in something, only to have Him break my concentration every so often?

But, like I said, I wouldn’t exactly call it “down time”. 

There is no “off button”.  No time when I get to take a break.  Curl up in a corner and not have to worry about being sent to the store for something.  Or beaten because He feels like it.  Or grabbed by the scruff of the neck and shoved face first into His crotch.  Or given some task.  Or…

There’s plenty of time when M doesn’t need something.  Plenty of moments when I can do just about whatever I want.  Moments where He’s got everything He needs, and He’s too busy to busy Himself with tormenting me, and I’m left to my own devices.  But there are never any designated moments where I’m not expected to be ready, willing and able to do whatever it is M needs or wants done.

Sometimes it’s overwhelming.  Sometimes it’s too much.  But when He goes for too long not needing anything from me, I start to feel like there’s this big gaping wall between us.  Like there’s something wrong and I’m completely missing it.

I’m so high maintenance.

I like to spend my free time hiking, reading, writing, swimming, playing games, spending time with M.  I’m not sure I do enough of my favorite things.  Rarely do I do any of them.  And you know, I’m not really sure why.  There’s nothing stopping me.

prompt found at SubmissiveGuide

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