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Because Stereotyping Men Totally Makes Your Case

July 28th, 2010

The other day, on Twitter, Brit linked an article on My Fault, I’m Female.  It’s a feminist blog screaming about sexism and “rape culture”.  They accept stories from women everywhere about being the victim of our “male chauvinist society”.

Names and faces are kept private to protect the women involved, so posters are, essentially, anonymous.  Which gives the reader nothing to go on but the poster’s word.  But apparently, that’s all that’s needed when labeling someone a chauvinist.

From their bio:

MFIF (My fault, I’m female) is a blog that shares stories of women who’ve been made to feel it’s their fault that they are female at work, at home, or wherever.

Basically it’s FML, but with sexist bosses, stone age attitudes, pay gap stories, and plenty of ranting.

The article is “Another day, another police horror story”.  Sensationalism, for the win!

The situation:

Notes start showing up on a woman’s door letting her know she’s beautiful, and that her beauty keeps the man leaving them up at night.  At first, she assumes it’s harmless, and bulks up her security just in case.  Then she figures out, somehow, that it’s her neighbor across the way who has a sliding glass door facing her sliding glass door, and Googles him.

When she Googles him, she finds a blog with fictional stories about women dying, and “violent vignettes”.  She gets freaked out and calls the police and because none of the messages he left are threatening, the cop responds, “Maybe you are beautiful.”

Their view:

The guy: He’s a freakshow.  A psycho path.  He’s stalking her.  He should be arrested, and maybe committed.  How dare he think he has the right to look at her?! And who does he think he is, letting her know he’s looked, and liked what he saw?

The cop: Is a sexist drippy dick hole and should lose his job for being so obviously misogynist.  I mean, really! The nerve of him! Suggesting that someone finding you attractive is a good thing.  Pshaw!

The girl: Should continue trying to have the man arrested and/or committed.  Probably, she should move.  But most definitely, she should try to ruin this man without even so much as communicating to him in some way that his advances are unwanted.

The commenters: Are righteous in their anger at the cop and the guy! This guy should be punished for looking at the OP! How dare he assume he has that right! And what the fuck is wrong with that cop? Obviously, he thinks women are here for his amusement.

What I see:

The guy: Considering the ratio of non-stalker types to creepy-stalker-dudes, this guy’s probably shy.  He’s probably not really sure how to approach a girl.  And he probably hasn’t given a lick of thought to how she might react.

There’s no indication in the post as to whether or not the site she found belongs to her “stalker”.  And honestly, unless there’s a photo of him, there’s no way to be absolutely sure.  Googling me brings you to a semi-famous writer’s homepage.  If you Google M, the first thing you come up with is a serial killer who committed suicide when he was caught.  Googling Cin turns up about six women with her exact name living within twenty minutes to two hours of her.  And that’s just in the first ten pages!

And once upon a time, secret admirers were the coolest thing ever! For people of all ages.  It was a romantic notion, and we all got all fluttery over it.  Is this guy the dangerous, creepy stalker the girl thinks he is? Who knows? But judging by the ratio of people in prison or therapy for being creepy stalker types to people who aren’t, I’d have to say it’s not likely.

The girl: Should buy curtains.  And keep on the cops.  Or… you know… move, if she’s that freaked out.  But generally speaking, people who are that worried about other people carry their happy asses into the police station and make a lot of noise until someone pays attention.  This girl, instead, called the police and just… hung up when the officer made it clear he thought the guy was harmless.

But really? This might have all been avoided had she just approached her neighbor and let him know his advances are unwanted.

The cop: Is an idiot.  He obviously didn’t think before he spoke.  He obviously didn’t think the guy was dangerous.  And maybe his comment was meant to come across sexist.  But somehow, I doubt it.

However…

He’s right for not rushing out to arrest the man leaving notes.  What if the girl’s wrong, and it’s not who she thinks it is? What if the guy really was just flirting and didn’t even consider the possibility that his approach would freak her out? What if she’s wrong about him and his arrest makes the news? Then the man’s life could potentially be ruined (Because many employers fire, and refuse to hire, over any involvement with the police.  It doesn’t matter whether or not they’re convicted.), and for what? Because a guy taped a few letters to her door? That seems fair to me.

The commenters: Seriously need a vacation from the internet, feminist propaganda, and other people like them screaming about rape culture.  Because at this point, I think a lot of them are jumping at shadows.

The comments:

The comments are a fucking joke.  No, really.  Gems like:

From Alibelle: Because I know a lot of people who respond to people with stalkers by telling them they should be grateful someone is paying attention to them. I’ve had people get angry at a friend of mine for “bragging” when she mentioned how upset she was about her stalker.

The problem, then, is the people you surround yourself with.  Not people in general.  I assure you if you stop spending so much time with assholes, and start spending time with quality human beings, you’ll find that victim-blaming isn’t so prevalent as you think.

From Delibes: Rayne, just because it’s sexism based on ignorance rather than intent doesn’t make it less sexist.

Intent is everything.  Everything.  It’s the difference between murder and manslaughter.  It’s the difference between assault and an accident.  It’s the difference between ignorance and sexism.

From Alibelle: And are you new or something? Victimblamers are the exception? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Yeah, sure.

Way to rebuff me.  That’s some serious back-up you got there.  I mean, just look at all those “ha”s! With wit like that, I’m fucked!

From CM: Oh look, another privileged dude wandered into the wrong place.

Way to tell a woman how she feels. Anyone who stands up for a stalker or a dismissive cop wants to protect the privilege of being one.

I didn’t tell anyone how they feel. And actually, what I want to protect is free speech and perceived innocence until guilt is proven.

From Ruby: “The “victim-blamers” are the exception, not the rule.” Except for study after study after study demonstrating that victim blamers make up quite a shocking percentage of the population. You are the one assuming that your social circle is representative of the world at large when things like “actual facts” point to a very different picture.

I want to see one.  I want to see just one study done by someone who isn’t a propaganda pusher that says that victim-blaming is on the rise.  Someone who has no agenda.

When M suggested that the guy might have thought he was being flattering and flirty, though he called it “ineptly, badly, and without taste”, He was met with:

Wow, your idea of flirting is really fucked up. That means there is something wrong with you. Seriously. You need help if that seems even remotely like flirting to you, and I’m not kidding.

Nothing like completely ignoring what He said and using what He didn’t say to make M look crazy.

He went on to point out that He did, in fact, say that the guy was going about it all wrong.  Asked the commenter not to read things into His words that weren’t there.  And she responded with:

Calling stalking behavoir “flirting” is perpetuating rape culture, even if you call it inept flirting.  …
Oh and saying something is flirting literally means that that is your idea of flirting. Since you said it was flirting that means it fits the definition and idea of flirting in your mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s your particular METHOD of flirting.

I might consider her opinion if it weren’t for the fact that M didn’t call it flirting.  Never said it was flirting.  He said it would suck if the guy thought he was flirting and was arrested for it.

M responded:

Wow. I tend to not debate or discuss things with people who intentionally misinterpret what I say to give themselves a foundation on which to argue from.

I’m sure I’m alone in this position, but people like you scare me. Not creeps who write unwanted letters.

The creep can be dealt with. Unfortunately, you’ll be allowed your interesting method of interpretation, because “everyone’s is entitled to their opinion”, afterall.

(And I laughed hysterically.)

To which Alibelle responded:

Yeah, okay sure. The stalker creep who can make someone fearful in their own home is small potatoes compared to me because you assume every word that comes out of your mouth should be given the benefit of the doubt because you’re a dude. Cool.

First, what do the two even have to do with each other? Second, isn’t feminism and fighting rape culture supposed to be about doing away with stereotypes?

Oh, right. I keep forgetting. It’s the female stereotypes we’re supposed to be doing away with. Male stereotypes are not only perfectly okay to perpetuate, but correct, as well!

If you can tell me how saying something is flirting doesn’t literally mean that it fits the qualifications and definitions of flirting according to your idea of flirting well then maybe I might reconsider.

Because He didn’t call it flirting. And because “ineptly”, “badly” and “without taste” mean “You’re doing it wrong.” “You’re doing it wrong.” means “I don’t agree with your way of doing things.” which means “That’s not my idea of flirting.”

Until then, go ahead and encourage people to behave in scary inappropriate ways and never question your words, they’re clearly the good guys. It’s us bad women who label scary behavoir as stalking and refuse to agree with your every word that are ruining the world.

Are you fucking kidding me?

M never encouraged anyone to do anything. He said the guy was doing it wrong. And He sure as fuck never said women are ruining the world, or “bad”, or should agree with everything He has to say.

Followed by:

Also, not quite sure why you put “‘everyone’s entitled to their opinion’” in quotation marks, since I didn’t say it. Quotation marks are not used for emphasis, they’re used for quotations.

Well, ya dumb bitch, just because M wasn’t quoting you doesn’t mean He wasn’t quoting someone.  And in this case, He was quoting the vocal majority of our current society.

You guys still wondering why you can’t win people like M and me over to your side? It’s dumb bitches like this.  It’s because of the stupid cunts who put words in people’s mouths, and look for the hidden meaning in everything a man says, and use male stereotypes to make their point, and come up with such back-ass-wards logic that no one’s interested in listening to any of you.

I’ll say it again.  You cannot claim to be a champion of equality, and fair treatment, and doing away with stereotypes while continuing to stereotype the people you’re railing against.

Tell me, again, how no feminists are man-haters?

Categories: Rants Tags:
  1. July 28th, 2010 at 20:17 | #1

    Just two words: Thank you!!!

  2. July 28th, 2010 at 21:33 | #2

    Oh for fucks sake.

    I swear, if I hear the words ‘victim-blamer’ one more time, I’m going to rip my hair out by the roots. So. Tired. Of. It.

    That site is ridiculous. I really wish people would not jump to conclusions about things. Her first wrong move? Assuming it was her neighbor. Then googling his name and also assuming he wrote a blog about killing women. Then calling the cops. She could have, very easily, knocked on his door and said ‘Um, sorry to bother you, but I was curious if you had been leaving notes on my door. If it’s you, it’s kind of bothering me/creeping me out. Could you stop?’

    Then, if he continued? Call the cops. Then it’s harassment, stalking… until that point it is nothing more than a (poor attempt) at flirting.

    These embellished stories and the righteous indignation for no apparent reason are so tiresome.

  3. July 28th, 2010 at 21:49 | #3

    @Sarahbear The more you speak, the more I love you. 🙂

  4. Missy
    July 29th, 2010 at 04:17 | #4

    Gotta say, some women drive me insane with the things they say and the conclusions they come to. I couldn’t help but look around that blog a little. I’m going to have to conclude these people are delusional, like Christians..as long as they have others that agree with them, they will keep screaming complaining that anyone who doesn’t agree with them is wrong.

    Anyway, I have an award for you…Stop by my blog to check it out!

  5. July 29th, 2010 at 10:53 | #5

    @Missy Yeah, basically. Hey thanks! I’ve tried to comment on the post twice but it keeps spewing errors. :/

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