Home > rayne > “You’re too fat to be a slave.”

“You’re too fat to be a slave.”

May 17th, 2010

I’ve never been to Humbled Females before today.  To be honest, I’m not entirely sure it registered, when I saw people talking about it, that this was a place I might be interested in.  Yeah… I’m that much of an airhead.  Sometimes.  I plan to look around a little, later on, when I have time.  But my first impression isn’t a good one.  Here’s why:

This morning, Luna linked me to a post on Humbled Females that sort of sets my teeth on edge.  And because in order to comment you have to email them, I decided I’d rather comment here, where my comment can’t be censored.

Some of the essay has merit, I’ll give the author that.  But a lot of it smacks of one-true-way-ism and projection of one’s opinion of self onto another.  And I kind of take issue with that.

The author starts out mentioning something that has always perplexed me. 

Even in the relationships of Masters and slaves, there are subjects that the majority of people have deemed too personal and potentially inflammatory to discuss. Interestingly enough, a man can dictate his girl’s hairstyle, clothing choices, even the brand of perfume she wears, and it will only make her feel more cherished and cared for. But most men, be they Master, boyfriend or husband, quail at the thought of mentioning an issue that not only affects a female’s physical attractiveness, but her health, and thus her ability to perform to the fullest extent.

That issue, of course, is weight.

I know of a few owners who regulate their properties’ diets and exercise regimens.  But on the whole, the author is correct.  A lot of owners choose, for whatever reason, to avoid this touchy subject.  M completely avoided it until I made mention of needing His help to get healthy, and the vast majority of the exercise requirements I’ve had over the years, He’s given me because I asked for them.  Not out of any desire to control my weight.

As far as my weight goes, I have one requirement that, quite honestly, isn’t even clear enough to be considered a requirement.  I’m not allowed to get “too fat”.  If I do get “too fat”, M will crack down on my diet and put me on a much tighter exercise schedule.  But there’s no clear definition of what “too fat” means, because, in His mind, “too fat” means “having problems functioning because of my weight and no longer being attractive to Him“.  And unless and until I reach that point, we won’t know what it is.

But let’s get to the parts I have issues with, shall we?

The author said:

We have been trained for generations now to accept the sight of an overweight or obese woman with silence, browbeaten by the cudgel of political correctness into telling polite lies. And all the while our lifestyles (and consequently, our forms) grow more and more disgusting and unnatural.

First, let me say that we’ve only been trained to accept the fat of women we care about.  And even then, only to their faces.  When it comes to strangers, we have no problem -especially if they’ve irritated us- bringing up their weight problem, and, in some cases, ridiculing them for it.

But really, I’m wondering who gave this author authority over all things disgusting and unnatural?

Back in the day, when our life spans were much shorter, and reproduction was crucial to the survival of the human race, we viewed being fat as a sign of fertility, happiness and wealth.  We prayed to gods who had ginormous stomachs and heavy, pendulous breasts.  But now that we have many lands of plenty, and doctors telling us how bad for us it is to be fat, we look on these gods, and fat people, with disgust.

And the truth is, to most humans, excess fat is unattractive as well as detrimental to the health of its bearer.

Here’s my issue with this statement.  And you can probably guess what I’m about to say.

It is not a slave’s responsibility to seek the approval of most humans.  Matter of fact, I’d even go so far as to say that a slave has a responsibility to his or her owner to ignore what most humans consider attractive or acceptable.  Because when it comes right down to it, all that matters, in the world of a slave, is what his or her owner wants for/from them.  Regardless of what that may be.

It’s not an owner’s responsibility to make sure his or her slave meets the accepted aesthetic standards held by most humans, either.  His only responsibility, with regard to his slave, is to himself.

Those who are fat either fool themselves into not seeing it, pretend not to, or simply shrug and say, “this is the way I am. There’s nothing I can do.” And those who care for them either bite their tongues so as not to cause pain, or try to force themselves to look past the issue altogether.

This sweeping generalization is simply not true.

I know a lot of fat people.  Being overweight runs in my family.  Most of my friends are (either a little or a lot) overweight.  My owner is overweight.  (Don’t ask me why.  It just sort of happened that way.  I have skinny friends, too, but they are, currently, the minority.)

Not a single one of the people I know who are overweight delude themselves, or think there’s nothing they can do about it.  The vast majority of them are simply comfortable in their own skin.  They’re not worried about what the medical world says, or how society views them, because, in the grand scheme of things, so long as they’re still healthy, functioning and pleasing to their partners’ eyes, what the medical world and society think just plain doesn’t matter.

And why should it? Why should what anyone thinks matter if you’re comfortable in your own skin, and the person/people who have the most influence in your life don’t have a problem with it?

The answer is, it shouldn’t.

If his female is on a path of self-destruction, or even simply on one which makes her less pleasing to his eye, touch and pride, then it is well within his rights to steer her from it.

This I agree with.  But honestly, not everyone agrees on what is pleasing to the eye, touch and pride.

My owner thinks I’m one of the hottest women He knows.  He can’t keep His hands off me.  He loves looking at me.  He’s proud to have me on His arm in public.  He likes my fat.  He knows I’m sometimes uncomfortable with it, and would like me to be more comfortable with myself, but in reality, He doesn’t have the slightest problem with my shape.  And isn’t that His choice?

But a submissive female owes her Master better than that casual dismissal of fact, just as she owes him the pleasure of beholding a female who is as healthy and beautiful as possible. How can she be a credit to her owner, when it is obvious from her own appearance the taste of a chocolate brownie or pepperoni pizza was more important to her than pleasing him? How can a Master be proud of a slave who is out of control? And how can he, in good conscience, deny his own right to assert that control, if the slave herself cannot?

And who the hell is the author to decide how a person got fat? To dictate what’s “as beautiful as possible” to every free person in the world? To deem a slave she doesn’t even know “out of control”?

I’ll admit… I’m fat, in part, because I don’t always eat like I should, and I spend a lot of time sitting on my ass.  For the most part, this is my fault.  But some of the blame falls on M’s, and His career’s, shoulders, as well.  We don’t always have time to get out and exercise, and it’s difficult, with Him working from home, to exercise in the house.  Especially when He spends the majority of His days on conference calls with customers.  And when He’s finished working, He just wants to curl up with His slave and reconnect.

But to be honest, we’ve severely cut back on our intake of unhealthy foods (M keeps reminding me that He’s all but stopped buying chocolate and chips, and my worry that I’m eating too much junk is, currently, unfounded.), and increased the amount of exercise we get exponentially, and I haven’t lost pound one.  So don’t give me that bullshit about being out of control.  The only thing I don’t have control of, with regard to being overweight, is how I spend my time.  And that was His choice, not mine, though I didn’t object.

It is perhaps best to close this essay with a gentle reminder for those who have come to realize this aspect of a female’s duty. That reminder is thus: that any influence a slave grants to food and laziness is influence of which her Owner has been cheated.

Translation:

If you have a weight problem, you’re slave to food and laziness, not your owner.

What utter bullshit.

I mean, where in there does the author factor in people who find fat women insanely beautiful?

Or, for that matter, overweight women who are undeniably beautiful? Like Fatty D, for example.  Or Kelly Shibari.  Or Carrie.  Or Kaya.  Or Histora.  Or Vieux.  Or Cin.  Or me.  (I promise if your name isn’t here it’s because I’m already up to 1600 words, not because I don’t think you’re beautiful.)

There’s a saying around the intarwebz that if you can think of it, someone has fetishized it.  And BBWs are definitely a fetish for some.  Surely, this author isn’t suggesting that these people are “wrong” or “bad” for being attracted to overweight women?

In closing, the belief that “skinny” is synonymous with “beautiful” is really rather sad.  And this obsession society has with making the whole world skinny sort of makes me sick.

I mean, the government is considering eradicating salt from food preparation in restaurants.  The FDA made a statement saying that people do not have the right to eat what they want unless it’s been approved, regardless of what it is.  They’ve said you can actually be arrested for eating something not on their list of approved foods.  Can you believe it?

New York’s governor made an attempt to put an extra tax on snack foods and sodas to deter NYS citizens from buying them (on top of the already imposed bottle deposit and unnecessary food tax).  Doctors lower the number of extra pounds that put a person under the “obese” label every few years.  They’re banning transfats in restaurants and bakeries.

What’s next? Mandatory weigh-ins? Government-regulated diets? Required gym memberships and attendance?

When do we say, “Enough is enough.”? Where do we draw the line between what’s okay for the government (and the opinions of the masses) to regulate and what isn’t? When will we finally be comfortable enough with ourselves that we don’t project our own personal insecurities onto everyone else? When will it be “okay” with the rest of the world for each individual person to just be who they are?

Soon, I hope.

~pigwhore

Editor’s note: An updated version of the article mentioned can be found here: Weighing Beauty

Categories: rayne Tags:
  1. May 17th, 2010 at 13:29 | #1

    If being a fat slave is so horribly detrimental, it makes me wonder what being a fat Dominant qualifies as?

    Great post. 🙂
    .-= Kayla´s last blog ..Redbook’s Stay in Lust Forever Book Review =-.

  2. May 17th, 2010 at 13:40 | #2

    @Kayla Lol good question. And thanks 🙂

  3. Vieux
    May 17th, 2010 at 14:08 | #3

    Ya know, I was wondering the same thing. I see plenty of plus sized dominants that have small submissives as well as bigger ones. I suppose this doesn’t go for them, though. That just means they’re good at being in control and beating food into submission I suppose. It’s part of their credentials 😉

    I’m totally kidding, by the way. I was writing in the mind frame of the author of the post that you linked me to this morning. Pff, I think big and thin men are sexy. I like it all. I’m not picky.

  4. May 17th, 2010 at 16:29 | #4

    Rayne,

    You know what I find interesting? The fact that there are a pair of weight problems experienced by teens today, obesity and anorexia. I’ll be the first to admit that my weight is not the healthiest it could be. I’d like it to be 50-75 pounds less. But seriously, folks, the fat police seem to want us to go to the other extreme. I won’t sacrifice my enjoyment in life to simply lose weight. No one else should. So yes, I had a fudganna at the munch last Saturday.

    I do know that skinny was considdered unhealthy and ugly as little as 200 years ago. I heard a story once of a person who managed to make it to the US from Samolia during the midst of their famine years ago, and the person asked why we made so many clothes for starving people. I don’t know if that’s urban legned or not, but it certainly makes a point.

    Dave

  5. May 17th, 2010 at 20:25 | #5

    I think you’re beautiful, too. 🙂

  6. May 17th, 2010 at 21:37 | #6

    i’m not normally a conspericery theorist type, but the government is already looking a little to closely at waistlines, methinks… http://www.dailyfinance.com/story/taxes/first-a-soda-tax-now-a-pizza-tax-the-food-police-march-on/19389681/

  7. alwaysHistora
    May 18th, 2010 at 08:21 | #7

    You noticed a bit of a slant on that site too?

    It’s the imperial dismissal of the author (of that tripe) that infuriates me the most. As though they can know that *all* fat people are fat because they are too busy shoving Big Macs and fries down their craw to serve their Master or Mistress. Bitch, please. As a personal observation, my Owner would tell you I eat 10 times better than He, but I am overweight and He is not.

    If I ever met this author, I’d have a thing or two unpleasant to say. How dare they assume that my devotion to my Owner is somehow less because of my size, which was established before I was kneeling at His feet.

  8. May 18th, 2010 at 17:51 | #8

    I think you have made some outstanding points. This article was not written “on my watch.” It was written years ago by someone unknown to me when Humbled Females was managed by someone else. I seriously doubt that I would have published the article if it had been submitted to the site today. The site’s founder granted permission to the reborn Humbled Females to repost most of the material from the original site and I reposted most of it without analyzing it.

    Having read your response and comments posted on a Fetlife thread today, I’m inclined to remove the article from the site because now that you’ve called my closer attention to it, I can certainly see that it is more offensive than useful.

    Perhaps you or one of your readers would consider writing a more sensitive article to replace it, or I could replace it with a ccompilation of some of the points made here and on Fetlife.

    Thank you very much for your input!

    Justine of Humbled Females
    http://www.humbledfemales.com

  9. Willow
    March 1st, 2011 at 18:22 | #9

    Humbled Females has been around for a while. Wasn’t aware of the “new management”, though (I just checked in to the website).

    Yeah, the article has a somewhat rude slant, it has an opinion about obese submissive women, but I do find it overall to be on the mark. Scientists have uncovered a range of genes that are connected with obesity, but they have also emphasized that none of the genes force people to become obese…they just mean that a person may have a greater tendency to eat too much.

    Like it or not, it all comes down to choice and control. Something we D/S people should be familiar with by now.

    I have mixed feelings about the article being taken down. It is a little too “direct” but then again, it does make some very good points that a lot of people in PC land won’t bother making. I think the article should remain up.

  10. ListenerXXX
    December 12th, 2011 at 18:34 | #10

    “I’ll admit… I’m fat, in part, because I don’t always eat like I should, and I spend a lot of time sitting on my ass. For the most part, this is my fault. But some of the blame falls on…”

    There is no BUT. You just admitted yourself you’re fat, and why.

    “In closing, the belief that “skinny” is synonymous with “beautiful” is really rather sad.”

    Why? 99% of humans, when fed a healthy diet and living a healthy lifestyle (see: NOT spending a lot of time sitting on their asses) are leaning more toward slim than obese. Most of us like slim, fit or athletic builds. Yes, of course there’s the random fat fetishist, but overall, we humans prefer a certain physical aesthetic, because it’s natural (and healthy) for us to do so. You can snark all you want about that if you like, but it’s not going to change anything. *Obesity causes a host of health problems with people, and with today’s informational resources and methods of weight control, there’s NO reason why we all can’t be moving toward getting in better shape.*

    P.s. I personally feel “Justine” from humbled females lacks an adequate spine. Does “humble” also mean “pushover?” Apparently, it does. The article’s quotes seemed fine to me. They weren’t politically correct, but they certainly were the unvarnished truth. I think it’s appalling the new site owner took that article down. Obviously its not the site it was!

  11. December 13th, 2011 at 21:59 | #11

    @ListenerXXX First, let me point out that this post was published about a year and a half ago. A lot has changed in that year and a half. For example, I’ve shed 20lbs (nowhere near as much as I need to to be in the shape I’d like to be, but it’s a start) and have probably tripled my amount of strenuous activity and/or exercise.

    I’m still fat, and I still don’t care. I’m not changing my lifestyle to get skinny. I’m trying to strengthen my body so I can get back to doing the things I enjoy most, like hiking and mountain climbing and sports.

    What’s funny to me, but probably not so much to you, is the fact that I was pudgy even when I played softball on two teams in spring and cheered all of fall. When I had just enough money for one meal a day after feeding my children and walked around town 10 or 15 times a day cause that’s what we did to socialize. When I worked out every single day in rehab because that’s where the people I got along with always were. Like I said in the article, I’m fat in part because I don’t always eat right, and I sit on my ass a lot. Not entirely because I do those things.

    There is no BUT. You just admitted yourself you’re fat, and why.

    You say that as if it’s some sort of guilty verdict. Like it makes me this horrid person who should be punished somehow. And that, no matter how you slice it, is utter bullshit. Even if I am some fat ass who literally sits around the house all day, every day, and I do nothing but stuff my face full of cakes and cookies and Doritos, who the fuck are you (in this case, “you” is anyone who thinks my being fat dictates what kind of person I am) to decide I suck? You don’t even know me.

    Honestly, I don’t give a fuck what someone who would judge my personality based on my being overweight thinks. Sure. I’ve got a weight problem. But from where I sit, my problem’s far less detrimental than that of someone who hates a perfect stranger simply because they are fat.

    “In closing, the belief that “skinny” is synonymous with “beautiful” is really rather sad.”
    Why?

    Because there is far more to beauty than whether or not someone is physically fit. Spend even ten minutes with someone who is practically perfect in every aesthetic way according to the rules of conventional beauty but is ugly on the inside, and suddenly you begin to notice flaws in their exterior as well.

    But I digress.

    While I did talk about the fact that I am fat, that’s not the point of this post. The point was my fat doesn’t, in anyway, hinder my ability to serve my owner as a slave. And the article that was removed from Humbled Females is utter garbage. But thanks for your opinion. 🙂

  12. ListenerXXX
    January 22nd, 2012 at 02:53 | #12

    “You say that as if it’s some sort of guilty verdict. Like it makes me this horrid person who should be punished somehow.”

    No, it doesn’t make you a horrid person, but it does indicate your bias. Of course you’ll have a lousy take on slender, fit people. Of course you’ll minimize being in shape. A great deal of obese people in America think along those lines, but that doesn’t stop the fact that obesity is a major health issue in our age, related to high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, etc.

    “who the fuck are you (in this case, “you” is anyone who thinks my being fat dictates what kind of person I am) to decide I suck? You don’t even know me”

    Where did I ever say you personally sucked? Project much?

    “Spend even ten minutes with someone who is practically perfect in every aesthetic way according to the rules of conventional beauty but is ugly on the inside, and suddenly you begin to notice flaws in their exterior as well.”

    Comforting platitudes, but hollow and meaningless compared to the real health problems surrounding high body mass. Perhaps this hypothetical beauty of yours has an aloof personality. Perhaps she’s a little bitchy. So what? What does this have to do with anything about the virtues of being fat? Most hot girls I know are friendly and nice, anyway. Do you have a problem with slender, pretty girls?

    “And the article that was removed from Humbled Females is utter garbage.”

    Well of course you’d say that, Rayne…it’s garbage in your world because it said some pretty unapologetic things, I’m gathering.

  13. January 27th, 2012 at 18:48 | #13

    @ListenerXXX

    Of course you’ll have a lousy take on slender, fit people. Of course you’ll minimize being in shape.

    I do not have a lousy take on slender, fit people. I did not once belittle or put down slender people in this post, or in my responses to you. I have a number of friends who are skinny, athletic, the perfect image of the media’s definition of beautiful. I choose who to like or dislike based solely on my interactions with them.

    What I did say is that a person who is aesthetically beautiful begins to lose some of their allure when their personality is ugly. That may not be true for everyone, but it is for me.

    I didn’t deny that obesity causes health problems, either. I just said it’s not currently causing any for me. Of course, part of that is because M and I have made the choice to be healthier and have begun eating better and exercising more.

    Where did I ever say you personally sucked? Project much?

    I didn’t say you did. You’ll notice what you quoted explained that I didn’t mean you specifically. I meant, as I said, anyone who judges me based on my weight.

    Comforting platitudes, but hollow and meaningless compared to the real health problems surrounding high body mass.

    We’re not talking about health problems, here. We’re talking about human beings deciding other human beings are less than human because they’re overweight.

    Perhaps this hypothetical beauty of yours has an aloof personality. Perhaps she’s a little bitchy. So what?

    Being aesthetically pleasing is not an excuse to be an asshole.

    What does this have to do with anything about the virtues of being fat?

    Nobody said anything about the virtues of being fat. Once again, this article was speaking only to the author’s belief that my extra weight makes it impossible for me to be a slave. I didn’t say being fat was a good thing. I simply said I don’t care that I am.

    Most hot girls I know are friendly and nice, anyway.

    A lot of hot girls I know are friendly and nice, too. I didn’t say they weren’t.

    Do you have a problem with slender, pretty girls?

    Nope.

    Well of course you’d say that, Rayne…it’s garbage in your world because it said some pretty unapologetic things, I’m gathering.

    Actually, if you take out the not-so-subtle fat hatred, the article is still wrong. I know quite a few overweight slaves whose weight does not, in any way, detract from their devotion or ability to obey. And that is why I think the article is garbage.

  14. Strela
    February 10th, 2012 at 17:31 | #14

    FYI, the article is back up again on a new Humbled Females site! :-O

    http://www.humbledfemales.net/publications/2012/02/08/weighing-beauty/

  15. rawr
    September 15th, 2014 at 09:57 | #15

    it depends on your dominant’s tastes but generally being fat means being lazy and gluttonous, which shows a great disrespect towards the dom since you don’t care enough to take care of his greatest treasure(you). though the fault is half the dom’s because he is lazy himself and doesn’t impose any discipline on his submissive. i have a solid exercise regiment, and i require my sub to also have a good diet and exercise program. if you want proof that being fat is bad, notice how many people prefer a fit partner to a fat one, nuff said. gtfo with this fat acceptance bs, get your ass off the couch, put down the cake, get your ass to the gym and eat a salad, your body will thank you for it, and people will respect you more for having discipline and self control.

  16. September 15th, 2014 at 10:35 | #16

    @ rawr
    a) This post is 4 years old.

    b) As is obvious from your comment, you know nothing about my owner or me, but chose to weigh in, anyway, which says a whole lot more about your character than ours.

    c) Who the fuck do you think you are? The All Powerful Grand BDSM Poobah? He who makes all the rules? You don’t get to tell another alpha male what he should expect and desire from his property.

    d) My owner happens to enjoy my body. Looking at it, touching it, tasting it, whipping it. Many people find me beautiful. And you know how many fucks I give about the ones who don’t? Exactly 0.

    e) Not that it’s any of your business, but if you must know, I’m required to exercise 5 out of 7 days (usually with my owner) and I keep track of my caloric intake. Guess what. I’m still fat. Huh. Weird how that works.

    f) Being fat does not mean being “lazy and gluttonous”. In fact, I’m from a family of very successful fat people, some of whom own (or owned while they were alive) well known businesses in their chosen fields. Being fat, in some cases, may mean “doesn’t like to exercise” or “enjoys sweets more than fruit”, but neither of those things means a person is lazy or gluttonous.

    g) I’ve been owned and married to a man who loves women of all shapes and sizes for 12 years. When we’re polyamorous, we have 0 difficulty finding women to play with. Whether or not the majority of the world prefers “fit” to “fat” means exactly dick to me.

    h) Luckily for me, there’s far more to me than just the way my body is shaped. This means the people who know me respect me for things like, you know, my intelligence, and my no bullshit attitude, and the way I don’t judge them based on how much they like cake. (I don’t, really, for the record.)

    i) It’s adorable how you chose to be anonymous to post your comment. Really. Hiding behind a fake name gives so much weight to your fat hatred.

  17. Emma
    September 15th, 2014 at 11:33 | #17

    Obesity isn’t linked to high blood pressure, diabetes, and cancer. Poor diet, and unhealthy lifestyles are. Obesity is on the other hand, strongly linked to poverty as is poor diet, the fact that the two so often go hand in hand does not indicate that one is the cause of the other, only that they are both symptoms often found in combination.

    “Most hot girls I know are friendly and nice, anyway.”

    ALL hot girls I know are friendly and nice, however, I consider that part of what makes them hot – a shit personality makes for a pretty ugly person over all and of course my definition of hot has a much looser weight cap than his/hers because I’m not a superficial douchebag who’s eager to quantify beauty by what I’m told is attractive in movies and advertisements. We have already established that weight is not at all an accurate indication of lifestyle and diet. No one is a better example of that than my husband who is 145lbs at 6’2″, prone to eating upwards of 1000 calories and sometimes substantially more (fatty, sugary, salty, trans fats laden, chemically concocted calories) per meal, and cannot understand how people manage to link laziness AND overeating with obesity because he considers getting up off of his ass to make a meal an absolute chore.

    Furthermore, I would love to know where your statistics came from, because the statement that “99% of humans, when fed a healthy diet and living a healthy lifestyle (see: NOT spending a lot of time sitting on their asses) are leaning more toward slim than obese.” Sounds more like pseudoscience than actual scientific fact. And the statement that “Most of us like slim, fit or athletic builds.” is rather open ended don’t you think? I mean, what constitutes most of us? The majority? 51% or perhaps in the case of 3 options it’s closer to 38%?

    And before you ask, yes I am overweight, I am also quite healthy. In fact my diet and lifestyle are far healthier than they were when I was at what you would consider a far more attractive weight.

    Smugness is neither an attractive quality nor a substitute for actual intelligent conversation.

    All of this I am aware is likely to be unread given that this post and the majority of comments were posted 2+ years ago, but it is relevant none the less.

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