I don’t know that I’ve ever talked much about “internal enslavement”.  I’ve never really spent much time researching the exact definition.  I mean, what would be the point? I’d come back with twenty different view points, a hundred different philosophies and a thousand “one true way”s.  I’m way too easy to confuse for all that nonsense.

So when I see it talked about, I usually apply my own idea of what internal enslavement means.

I guess I’m part of the problem, huh?

So the other day, when I read the thread I thought I was called a “wannabe slave” in, and what seems to be their definition of internal enslavement, I was thoroughly nonplussed (perplexed).  What do I mean?

Well, judging by their definition of “external enslavement” (anything that physically prohibits the slave from leaving, so long as it’s not “kink fluff”), one can only assume that their definition of internal enslavement is to be mentally and emotionally incapable of leaving.

In that case… internal enslavement is gonna be easier to achieve than I once thought! Matter of fact, one could probably say I’m already internally enslaved.  Because I know, mentally, that if I try to leave, I’m gonna be one hurtin’ puppy, and the emotion “fear” keeps me from attempting it.

(I mean, among other things, like love, and loyalty, and respect, and promises I made, and…)

I win!

Somewhere along the line, I got the idea that there was a hell of a lot more involved in “internal enslavement” than simply brainwashing the slave into not having the mental capacity to walk out the door.  Doesn’t it seem like there should be? I mean, aren’t we spending a lot of time trying to point out to all of the world that there’s more to slavery than whips and chains and sex and pain and bondage and…?

(Yes, I do know I say “I mean” entirely too often.  Shut up.  I don’t care what you think.)

(Okay, so I do care what you think.)

(I’m still not gonna stop saying “I mean”, so there!)

There is more to my slavery than the sexual aspects.  Just as there is more to it than simply not having the ability to leave.  And somehow, I think, if the only thing that needed internalizing was the belief that I can’t leave, this slavery gig would be much fuckin’ easier.

Unfortunately, for a chick like me, who did the exact opposite of everything my parents wanted me to do from about age 13 on, and kicked the shit out of my boyfriend every time he raised a hand to me for the last two years or so of our relationship, there are a whole slew of things that need to be internalized.  Like obedience without hesitation or comment, what my owner considers “slave-like behavior”, not having the right to hit back even if I don’t like something He does… Those things don’t just magically manifest.  At least, not for me.

Gods, wouldn’t it be easier if they did?

I mean, for Cabbage’s sake (We’re on a first name basis, now, and Cabbage is Asian, so Cabbage is really his first name.  Or is it his middle name? In any case, he likes to go by Cabbage.), I had a comment when M sent me to the shower this morning.  And I had super new bath soap and lotion I was excited to try.  Our shower depresses me.  That’s the basic gist of it.  It’s so small even “The Nameless One” would have trouble moving around in it.

What the fuck, and I’m making excuses.  See? Slavery not internalized! I rest my case.

Wait…

Okay, so… if there’s more to internal enslavement, as I think I’ve proven here (Shut up, I have so, too.), that means there’s more to external enslavement than just slapping a bitch in a cage (I typed “cave” first.), or locking a chain around her ankle.  Right?

Like… Wouldn’t the fact that M’s home damn near 24/7, and if I made for the door, He’d probably chain me to the couch, after kicking the shit out of me, technically be external enslavement?

Or what about the fact that He walks around the house with something in His hands almost every day and I get beaten from pretty much the moment He wakes up till the moment He goes to sleep? I mean, obviously a good amount of fear of what might happen… Shit, fear’s emotional, that’s internal.  Or is it?

(And for the record? This is about how that thread goes, too.)

Being chained because you’re acting up doesn’t count as “external enslavement”, but being chained while you’re owner’s asleep does.  Being put in a cage for fun isn’t external enslavement, but being put in a cage so you don’t run away is.

It’s enough to make your head spin.

For me, being that I’ve had to internalize much more than just not being able to leave, external enslavement is more than just a chain around an ankle or a cage over one’s head.  It’s all outward signs that one is owned.  Cuffs and/or collar one wears, if worn all the time and not just during a scene.  A specific state of dress.  Particular protocols (voice training, standing at attention, etc.) one is required to follow.

From where I sit, all of these things effectively hold a slave in his or her place.  All of them prevent the slave from forgetting what he or she is.  And all of them are external, versus internal, and could be, in my mind, considered external enslavement.

But I’m just a slave, who isn’t even internalized yet, so what the fuck do I know?

~pig whore