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Money isn’t Everything.

April 12th, 2010

i’ve  seen a disturbing trend amongst the BDSM “community” regarding a Dominant’s financial status and his ability to be a Dominant.

This is bullshit.

i mean, what the hell. i would think a guy’s employment would be a bigger indicator of his mental state than his fucking paycheck. Is he in a stable job? Has he had it for a while? Is it fairly consistent, with the ability to move forward? Is he good at it?

In the current state of the economy, i would think it very unfair to judge someone by the size of the bank account. VERY. Who can expect to be fired? To have their job sent to Saalami in Pakistan? That 3 months of savings experts tell you to have on hand doesn’t go nearly as far as it should, especially when the average span of unemployment is longer than 6 months.

Why does it bother me, to see this grave error in judgment? Because it discourages everyday working stiffs from feeling like they have anything to learn and contribute to others interested in WIITWD.  People like my Owner, who was laid off for 6 months and we spent through the little savings we had. Now we are scrimping to get by, struggling to find our footing in the rushing river of life. This doesn’t mean He is a bad Owner, He isn’t disqualified because life happened. It isn’t as easy as checking the zeros behind the bank account balance and writing a guy off as bad D material because there aren’t as many as you think there should be. Look at the bigger picture, like i mentioned above. Bad things happen to good people. Illness, unexpected job loss, personal tragedy…look at the person, not the numbers.

It seems like the public scene puts an emphasis on physical trappings of dominance and less on the actual person. Why do people automatically assume that the guy stalking around with 5 tools tied to his leather belt on his leather pants wearing the leather cap have more going on mentally than the guy watching amused at the leather-clad buffoon, wearing normal clothing and carrying nothing more than the leash of his girl? When did equipment become an acceptable substitute for brains and integrity? What happened to prizing knowledge?

What the hell happened to common sense?

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  1. April 13th, 2010 at 00:39 | #1

    The economic situation is pretty bad and the unemployement rate shows only those who draw on it. The real deal is that the numbers are more than double. Most (not just some) are hurting for extra cash.

    I don’t travel the kink world much, but my own lifestyle brings me to many swingers parties and I see the same thing. People are worried about putting on a show of success… that many just can’t live up to at the moment.
    It causes a lot of pressure and bad feelings for some who up until the last year thought they had it all fine when it came to finances.

  2. April 13th, 2010 at 05:53 | #2

    Ew. Money only buys happiness if happiness is expressed in clothing and toys.

  3. April 13th, 2010 at 09:15 | #3

    Common Sense tends to take a back seat to all the other hoopla about the lifestyle that people create. So many people forget that at the very base of any D/s relationship is ‘THE RELATIONSHIP’. All relationships work the same way; from physical attraction, reliability and affection. None of it has to do with how much money you have or make.

    Now, in order to live the fantasy of stay at home slave, it’s better if the Dominant makes enough to provide for both people (and children). Maybe that’s where people forget the common sense of it?

  4. April 14th, 2010 at 19:27 | #4

    i’m with you. i think it’s callous, selfish and class-ist to say that someone can’t be a good dominant if they don’t have the kind of financial security that some people are blessed to have.

  5. alwaysHistora
    April 15th, 2010 at 13:38 | #5

    Oh good. It’s nice to know that it wasn’t just me having a stick up my ass when I read common BS like the discrimination I wrote about.

    I agree about the stay-at-home slavery. You want it (general you = the M) you pay for it.

    Anyone needs an example of how money can’t buy happiness or sexual satisfaction, just ask Elin, Tiger Woods’ wife. I think she could give a few hints.

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