Archive for March 7th, 2010

Fear, The Hood’s Here, and Song of the Day

March 7th, 2010 5 comments

There’s this girl I read occasionally.  I’m not sure if she’s a masochist.  There is no doubt her man’s a sadist.  And I can only read her occasionally.

Her relationship makes me cry.

Not because I think she’s being abused, or because I worry about her, or anything like that.  She’s happy in her relationship, and while she damn well may be being abused according to the standards of people who don’t understand owner/property relationships, she consented to what she’s living through.

Her relationship makes me cry because… oh, what Master wouldn’t do to have a girl like her.  To be able to treat me the way she’s treated and still maintain the husband/wife side of our relationship with hardly a hitch.  And definitely not a hitch that came of Him treating me that way.

While I say, all the time, that I want that, and could withstand it, there’s this tiny niggling of self-doubt.  This part of me that thinks somewhere amongst the neglect, and harshness, and denial, and deprivation, I will lose sight of the love, and devotion, and fulfillment, and desire.

Part of me is petrified.  The tears that I war with every time I visit her page are tears of absolute terror, not tears of sadness, or worry, or anger.  Once in a while, Master gives me the tiniest taste of what she lives every day, and five seconds in, I’m sure my head’s gonna fall off.  Five minutes in, I’m pretty sure I’ve ceased to exist.  I’m not really sure where the pain’s coming from, and unless and until He speaks, I could almost swear I’m alone.  Read more…

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