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Not Another Fat-phobic Post

March 3rd, 2010

Sexy BBW drawings by Adultprfiler.comi’m going to dive into this headfirst, and yes, i am well aware that there is no water in the pool. So here goes:

i am a hot fat chick.

Okay, now with that in mind, anyone want to pay for my tummy tuck?

i know that sounds like i’m contradicting myself, bear with me. See, long time and many meds ago, i was fat. 270 lbs on a 5’6″ frame. All the women in my family wear the weight right in front, packed behind the belly-button, and i was no different. i hated myself. i loathed my reflection. i hid my body shamefully in men’s clothing and no-shape sweatshirts.

That was two years after i graduated high school. In high school, i was the opposite. Thin and curvy, i didn’t eat more than a meal a day and smoked regularly, running laps on the school track and biking for hours at a time.

In both times of my life, i was unhealthy, at two ends of the spectrum. i was never happy either. So i gave up.

And got pregnant.

The weight flew off of me when i was pregnant. i had a net gain of -13 lbs after my son was born. He was 8 lbs 6 oz.  i left the hospital in my pre-pregnancy jeans…with a belt to hold them off. And the weight kept falling while i breastfed. i’d lost another 10 lbs before i got pregnant with the second rugrat, weighed 7 lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight after the birth. Lost more weight while breastfeeding. Made it through the third pregnancy and broke even at the scale. 

i’ve lost 60 lbs over the past 4 years. i didn’t join a gym or some fancy eating program. i just stopped being stupid about my choices. You don’t eat a roast beef and dressing supper at 10 pm just because that’s when you got off work, y’know? i stopped drinking 4 cans of soda a day. Little stuff like that, eating cereal and whole grains and trying to learn to like fresh veggies and fruits. That last one is hard, because i grew up eating everything canned, and i have this serious oddball dislike of many mouth textures. i can’t eat raw celery because of the way it crunches in my mouth. i don’t like fresh pears because they feel gritty to me. i’ve spent the past 4 years trying to teach myself to learn to like those things.

i didn’t lose the weight to be the next Valerie Bertinelli. i lost it because i didn’t want my bad choices passed on to my kids as ingrained habits. i chose to be fat. My kids wouldn’t have been able to make that choice.

With the background fleshed out (ha! get it?) here’s my dilemma:

Losing 60 lbs in 4 years with three pregnancies interspersed left me with The Belly. The Belly is my nemesis, makes me want to cry when i go clothes shopping, makes me always grab something to cover up with when nude in front of Him. Makes me avoid having my picture taking while wearing only a corset. That’s how much i hate The Belly.

The Belly is excess skin. About 8-10 lbs worth. And It isn’t all round and smooth like many heavy women’s flab. No, i can’t even get that kind of respect from The Belly. Instead, it hangs lower on the left side and is dimpled from where the skin stretched too far. There is NO way to make The Belly look good. The rest of me? It’s looking better and better! i have a curve from my ribcage to my waist again! From behind, i have a nice silhouette again. Then i turn for a side profile and you’re clawing your eyes out screaming for eye bleach.

There is no way to tone The Belly. It’s skin. It won’t firm up or burn away. The only option i have is plastic surgery to remove that fucker and liberate myself from it’s oppressive regime over my self-esteem.

That will set me back about $10-15,000, depending on how much they need to do. For some reason, just not seeing it in my near future.

Why didn’t anyone warn me that losing weight was going to mentally make me feel worse? Now i’m thinner and lighter and still have a shitty figure. How is that even remotely fair? i did all that work and have little to show for it aside from numbers on a scale. i can’t wear the fucking numbers out at night to the bar!

*sigh* End rant. i’ve been struggling with my hatred for The Belly for awhile, and this may have been enough of a relief valve that i won’t go get the scalpel and bottle of Jose now.

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  1. March 3rd, 2010 at 17:39 | #1

    “The Belly” is my biggest fear about losing weight. Even if we could afford a tummy tuck, I’m not altogether sure M would allow one unless it looked so bad He was turned off by my appearance. He’s finicky that way.
    .-= rayne´s last blog ..Oh! And it’s March again! That means… =-.

  2. Lahra
    March 3rd, 2010 at 18:40 | #2

    Dear All.

    I am a young lady with a big problem and you are not the first person I ask for help.
    I searched the net for a proper forum, but there is not much real advice out there.

    This mail is regarding a relationship issue I have and I hope you dont see it as a disturbance to your blog. If you do, I am truly sorry.

    Actually I am a total beginner when it comes to bdsm.
    I tried a few things but nothing worth telling. I thought maybe you can help me because your blog is about relationship dynamics.

    And here is the thing. My girlfriend of many years is VERY interested in all kinds of kink, and of course I want to make her happy.

    There are just two problems:
    1. whilest I am very interested and quicky turned on by some things I’ve seen I don’t think my desire goes as far as her’s. And while I can spank or flog someone for fun I am defi. a sub. I do get turned on by the thought,but dont know how far I would actually go. I enjoy domination, but not pain,etc.

    2. As I said I am all new and dont know anything. I read some stuff to get started, visited two fetish parties, and had one short lesson,but dont feel confident. And when I try anything with her she is so not helping. It usually ends after a matter of minutes and afterwards she is litteraly upset with me for doing it wrong. How can I learn if she doesnt let me.

    So in general, there is a line of problems. There is much more detail to the story, but for the beginning I really don’t want to bore you.
    Please dont hesitate to ask me, if you have any questions. Maybe you could find some suggestions? I’d really like someone to talk to, maybe exchange e-mails, if the chemistry fits…

    Thank you for your time. Kiss Lahra

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