Home > Rayne > FetLife makes me tired.

FetLife makes me tired.

March 2nd, 2010

So today, I logged onto FetLife looking for a topic.  And the first thread I found is filled with people only posting to make fun of the original poster.

As soon as I read the original post, I cringed at what I knew I’d find, but being the masochist I am, I read the comments anyway.  Of course, my fellow FetLifers didn’t let me down.  And when the OP expressed her surprise at only getting flaming and snark, true to form, they showered her with more flaming and snark.

I shook my head and told myself the OP did it to herself, with the tone and wording she used in a group completely overrun by the “slavey elite”, and moved on to another thread.  To find, once again, the majority of the posters only posting to make fun of the OP.

Once upon a time, the “slavey elite” were meek and mild and bowed and scraped… And they made you want to vomit, but secretly you wished you could be as well-behaved as them.  Now the “slavey elite” are the ones who shoot their mouths off and belittle the meek, mild, groveling slave and don’t even have the decency to cover their mouths with their napkins when they snigger at people who don’t do it their way.

But turnabout’s fair play, I suppose, because the previous slavey elite didn’t just snigger.  They all out guffawed while looking down their snooty little noses.

It’s funny being labeled a one-true-wayist simply because I have the gall to express a different way of doing things.  I’ll admit my background stories sometimes sound like preaching.  But really, they’re just me telling you (“you” meaning whoever’s reading) where our philosophy comes from.  It’s not me telling you you should be doing it our way, too.  Heaven knows, our way just barely works for us.  I can’t imagine people who aren’t us making it work for them.

If you complain in any of these groups, you’re told to go somewhere else.  To find a group “more like you”.  And I chuckle every time I see it.

How hard have we worked to desegregate humans? How long have we toiled at integration and acceptance and tolerance? And while we in the BDSM community are screaming at the tops of our lungs to society as a whole, “Stop calling us crazy! We are not abnormal! We are human, too! Accept us!”, within our own community, we are pushing each other away.  Walling ourselves off.  Turning our nose up at “different” and “abnormal”.

It makes me tired.  And sad.

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  1. March 2nd, 2010 at 15:54 | #1

    I can only agree. Some of the threads I have posted in the past have gotten a less than favourable response. If that is a behaviour we have in our community then it is surely not acceptable. It is sad that especially beginners have to suffer this ignorance most.

  2. March 2nd, 2010 at 19:13 | #2

    @HerOwner It is sad. Thanks for the comment. 🙂

  3. LookMastersHome
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:12 | #3

    I must admit there is really only one blog that read regularly. This particular entry of yours came to me via my girl that forwards choice posts (like this one.)

    I gave up on FetLife, CollarMe and their ilk almost a year ago for reasons such as the one you present, and the fact that I (and the girl in my collar) do not fit among the majority of role players and princesses. That is not to degrade them, simply an admission that this lifestyle is uniquely individual and I don’t have time or inclination to what a stereotype.

    Thank you for the refreshing post…now I need to go back and read some of your others.

  4. March 7th, 2010 at 10:45 | #4

    @LookMastersHome Well, thank your girl for pointing you in our direction. And thank you for your kind words. I hope you find Insatiable Desire and its bloggers at least entertaining, if not informative. 🙂

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