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Spring and Gratitude

March 1st, 2010

The paper says, "You are loved."

It’s March 1st! That means we’ve only got 19 more days till the first day of Spring.  And boy, am I ready.

I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I know Spring doesn’t always start on the first day of Spring.  Especially up here in “Fake Chicago”, which is what we’ve been calling Schenectady this year because of how windy its been.  But if it means we get more sun than we have this winter, I’m game.

My S.A.D. hasn’t been quite as bad this year as it usually is, but I think that’s mostly because I sit in front of a window that gets direct sunlight from the time it comes up till about noon.  We’ve never lived in an apartment with windows facing east before.  Or we did.  But our office was in the back and the windows faced west.

We’ve already begun Spring cleaning, which almost always includes some amount of redecorating.  Unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to put the major stuff (the filing cabinet I still haven’t bought, new bookshelves, a couch cover, clear totes for the closets, etc.) off till April if we want to do anything for my birthday, but that’s just a month away.  I’m sure we’ll survive.

I’m not a huge Spring person.  It rains too much and in the beginning, it’s still entirely too cold for my liking.  But it sure beats Winter.  Especially Winter in New York.  We’ve got a special kind of cold up here.  The kind that saps you of all energy and burns your extremities and hurts down to your bones and makes you wish you were dead.  I thank the Great Purple Cabbage every day that when I was homeless, I still lived in Virginia.

The Great Purple Cabbage… He’s been around awhile.  It’s my way of giving the finger to the idea that there is one all-knowing, all-powerful being.  But sometimes, I really wonder.  So I guess that makes me agnostic, not atheist.

I don’t know where I stand on luck or destiny.  For a long time, I held firm to the belief that you make your own luck and destiny.  Mind over matter and all that jazz.  But I certainly do lead a charmed life.

When I was a kid, it manifested itself in sick teachers when a report was due, or scraped knees when I should have had broken bones.  Just the fact that I’m still alive shows how it manifested itself during my teens and early twenties.  And now that I’m turning thirty, entering that period of life where responsibility to self and others becomes a major part, it manifests in the people who work for our utility companies, and landlords who’ll accept split payments, and customers that suddenly have work they need Master to do when we’ve got four days till payday and nothing but rice and potatoes in the house.

And boy, am I grateful.  I dunno what it is, or where it comes from, or if I really have, somehow, just made my own luck with my mostly positive outlook.  It’s easy to say, “Omigosh I am so lucky! There must be something making all this good stuff happen.” but it would be arrogant to think that I would even be a blip on the radar of something powerful enough to control all the good in life.

And I hear ya.  There’s a lot of bad.  Boy howdy, has there been a lot of bad in my life.  But I’ve survived it all.  And I’ve learned from it.  And I’m better because of it.

I dunno.  I’m just feeling really grateful right now.  Partly because of the near miss with the electric company.  Partly because of how peaceful and comfortable things have been with Master.  And with Spring coming, that means Summer’s just around the corner.  And even though it’s dirtier and smellier, I love Schenectady in the summer.  People relax more in the summer.  Smile more.

It’s nice to see you smile.

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