Home > Rayne > “It’s not that you don’t know how to be responsible. You do. You just choose not to.”

“It’s not that you don’t know how to be responsible. You do. You just choose not to.”

February 27th, 2010

I can’t remember if we were fighting, or just talking.  I can’t remember whether I was having a panic attack, or just facing my faults.  I do remember meaning everything I said.

We were talking about my responsibilities.  All of them, not just my responsibility to Him.  And how I have a habit of shirking them as often as I can.  Especially if I think they’re stupid.

Take, for example, my assigned daily tasks.  I’m required to read the news and Disinformation every day for a half an hour each, then email M a summary of something I read.  And this frustrates me.  The emailing part, not the reading the news part.  Because we talk about the news all the time.  So why should I have to email Him a summary of what we already talked about?

Because He says so, that’s why.

But the fact of the matter is, I know how to be responsible.  I know how to manage my time, and focus on the task at hand, and get everything completed and/or turned in on time.  I’m usually the one who keeps track of when the bills need to be paid, and makes sure they make it to the mailbox, and calls the landlord if the check’s gonna show up later than his accountant’s set to start the eviction process.

Though I still find it laughable that in this economy, and this city, he has his accountant set to start the eviction process if a check hasn’t arrived by the 3rd of the month.  And why it’s my responsibility to call him each and every month, as if he doesn’t know it’ll be there eventually because we always pay, to remind him to call off his dogs so he doesn’t have to pay his accountant for the paperwork is beyond me.  I mean, when we applied for the apartment, one of the first things we told him was that M gets paid on the 30th, depending on what day of the week that is.  So if the 30th is a Sunday, M gets paid on Monday.  Which means he’s not getting the rent till the 3rd cause I am not trucking my happy ass all the way out to his place to put the rent in his hand.  That’s something like three transfers on the bus! It’ll take me forever to get there!

I’m getting better at it.  Yesterday, I sat down and inundated you all with reviews so I could get some overdue ones off my plate.  I’ve still got a couple overdue ones on my plate.  But they’re going to take more than me just sitting down and doing them.

Today, I’m slacking.  I’ve been working on this since I finished making breakfast.  But it’s Saturday.  I’m due.

Anywho… that was it.  Just wanted to talk about how I choose to be irresponsible.

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