Home > Uncategorized > Hi! I’m a bad slave. Wanna know why?

Hi! I’m a bad slave. Wanna know why?

February 26th, 2010

A recent post on FetLife was asking which of the various reasons listed by the poster were applicable to acts of direct, intentional disobedience.  The Master asking the question is one that i really respect and find absolutely fascinating, so i’ve been following the thread for sometime. Of course, in true tora fashion, i answered it too, because if there’s anything i love, it’s listening to myself talk (or type, as it were).

i admitted that there have been times where hey, i’m just not perfect. *shocked gasp* i’m human property, emphasis on human. i make mistakes, i hold myself high in value, i often have thought processes contrary to His goals. Shit happens. i was honest about it, explained that while i do love, adore and live to serve Him, i still have (too much of) a mind of my own and a tongue that gets away from me. Occasionally, knowing He would be pleased is just not quite enough to get me through it.

It’s not like i routinely tell Him “Fuck off and get your own drink” or “How about i rape your ass instead, dickwad!” i respect Him. i honor Him. He is above all others in my world. That is NOT enough to make me magically stop thinking about how i feel, what i want, or how pissed i’ll get when He’s laying on the couch watching Mythbusters while i’m cleaning the kitchen and making him lunch for the next day, and His voice wafts out into the kitchen – “Make me a drink!” Yes, because i am so obviously just farting around in the kitchen, indulging my mini bubble bath fantasies and have nothing better to do.

Heh. Oops.

Anyway. The point of that was to say i am generally an obedient cunt. i do my damnedest to obey, but that doesn’t stop the imperfection that is a human from bleeding through every so often.

Also adding to my problem is that i’m dumb enough to need to keep making sure that the walls and door of my “cage” are secure and can withstand me. If i start to feel like i might actually have a say in the matter, i’ll go running full tilt to the nearest electrified fence and grab that fucker. i have got to know that i’m his slave, i am lower, i do NOT have any guaranteed say in how things are done. This, too, makes me a “horrible” slave. shrug It’s not a case of continuous power struggles. The longer we’ve been doing the O/p thing, the less often i rise up. Oddly enough, even though they are fewer and farther apart, the struggles themselves are more intense, grittier and nastier.

The giving up of one’s self is rarely a pleasant and easy process.

i know that one of His goals in owning me is a lessening of my reactive personality and an emphasis on my subservient (to Him) side. We are relatively new to this O/p thing, we’ve got time.  i’m just along for the ride, lol.

i was disappointed at most of the reactions to the question. The common theme was “What?! i never! Real slaves don’t disobey!! We all lounge about anxiously awaiting to please our masters’ every whim!!1!1″

Gawd, if we have to put an act on to underline our twoo slaviness in a forum of online personas that we will most likely never meet, what the hell? Is there nowhere a slave can open up and admit they fuck up from time to time? i have a hard time believing i am the only slave that occasionally falters!

So, what do you have to add? Are you perfect? Do you have your moments of asshattery? Tell us how you approach the concept of disobedience! Is perfection an attainable goal?Or is my Owner really cursed with owning me, as some people have implied?

(i’ve mentioned the curse of owning me to Him – He laughs and says i’m the best curse He’s come across so far.)

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  1. February 26th, 2010 at 19:20 | #1

    Well, obviously I don’t disobey. I believe that no slave purposely disobeys and no Master is unfortunate unfortunate enough to have a slave that refuses to obey him.

    did I get that out with a straight face?

    Yes, I am sometimes willfully disobedient. I push D’s buttons on purpose to see where my EVER FUCKING CHANGING boundaries are. How far can I push? Well, until he pushes back, and I do push.

    I’m not a natural slave by any means. I don’t really “like” being a slave, but I really HATE, DESPISE, LOATHE not being one. My first “real” honest to Dog relationship was just after I left the convent (seriously…) and it was with a D/s Master who owned the shit of me. so d/s is how I define love in my strange brain. that doesn’t mean I always like it. we are often compelled to do things we don’t like, but sometimes the compulsion isn’t something we can explain or overcome. That’s kind of where I am, so yes, I disobey. Yes, I push his buttons and my luck, and he still chooses to own me, snatch knots in my ass as required and he admits that if he had a slave who was obedient and perfect, he’d probably release her out of boredom.

    I’m not always obedient, but I’m always interesting, entertaining, and unpredictable. He values that more than any long string of “Yes, Master, Right away Masters” I could utter off.

  2. February 26th, 2010 at 20:59 | #2

    HI (waves wildly) Theresa here, long time reader, rarely comment.

    90% of the “subs/slaves” on fetlife are perfect, dontcha know? (insert smirk here) They are infalliable and the picture of slavelike perfection.

    Ok now that we are done gagging.

    I dont try to disobey but I have my days where I go “Yeah no,thats not gonna happen” or days where I just dont feel my sub-nature thriving and wanting to shine. Ok I DO disobey on purpose when I want to be punished but never disrespectfully or obnoxiously. BIG difference.

    I routinely call BULLSHIT on fetlife threads. They hate me 🙂 But I speak my mind.
    .-= Theresa´s last blog ..Ohhhhhhh =-.

  3. alwaysHistora
    February 26th, 2010 at 21:06 | #3

    @kitten Lol, you had me going…for about a nanosecond. Maybe two.

    i can understand you on the boundaries issue. i quite often test them because i’m not quite sure He really is paying attention to them. If He doesn’t care, why should i, kinda thing.

    You were in the convent? Quite honestly, that doesn’t surprise me, i have considered a convent or monastery lifestyle to be the epitome of a O/p relationship between God and the subject.

    See, i think that it’s the idea that not all Masters want an automaton that throws many of the “OMG you aren’t perfect?” slaves off their feed. The idea that they aren’t the epitome of slavehood, that a Master could find their blind obedience tedious, gets them all shaken up, so instead of accepting that they aren’t all that and a bag of anal toys, they deride the more truthful and rough-edged slaves.

    Glad the way your Master runs the house works for you guys. In the end, that is all that will ever matter!

  4. February 27th, 2010 at 03:30 | #4

    Perfect? Not here. Too boring. lol. i want to be good, but sometimes, there is just no way i’m not going to open my mouth and shove my foot in there.
    i’m always saddened by the posts that insist someone is doing it wrong and that they’re inferior, especially when they’re claiming to be utterly perfect…

  5. alwaysHistora
    March 1st, 2010 at 11:47 | #5

    Hi Theresa! Glad you find ID to be enjoyable reading. Please accept my apologies for the tardiness of my reply. The Man had me running so much i didn’t know whether i was coming or going at the end of the weekend.

    FetLife…well, i enjoy the discourse, but find myself aggravated by the posing and one-upmanship so i often drop out of FL for a week or two to recover my sanity.

    @jenpet Yes, my foot and my mouth have magnets that overwhelm my good sense (flimsy as that may be!) and seek each other out. Routinely. i’d be lying if He didn’t find some of it amusing. It’s always nice to see that i’m not the only one that suffers from a lack of perfection! 😀

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