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On Sharing Account Information and Past Conversations

February 20th, 2010

For a long time, I’ve been required to give M any new logins to any new websites or games.  Not only does He have my email passwords, but all my mail forwards to His and He owns the server our email is on.  My life, should He choose to make it, is an open book to Him.

He rarely snoops behind me anymore.  He used to.  But these days, I tell Him about the email I get and the gossip I hear before He even realizes I got an email.

He mostly just laughs at me.  He doesn’t know… well… anyone, really, and there’s always some new name He’s never heard before.  But occasionally, He’ll feel the need to tell me why he agrees or disagrees.

But M and I are married.  We live together.  If I were to fly half way across the country to meet any of the people I talk to online, He would come with me.  You’re buggin’ if you think, for a second, He’d send me alone.  So it would be silly for me to keep things from Him.

I was bumbling around on FetLife, today, looking for a more educational group.  (Shut up.  I don’t want to hear it.)  And I came across a thread in the Power Exchange Relationships group entitled “Are submissives to be trusted?

Yeah, I got my panties in a bunch when I read the title, too.  Why do you think I went to see what he was really asking?

Basically, the situation goes like this:

Sub meets DomA and has a great number of private conversations, discussing scores of personal information, with him in private messages on FetLife.  Sub then meets DomB and gets into a relationship with him.  DomB asks for Sub’s password to her FetLife account and unlimited access to all the private, personal conversations on her FetLife account, including, but not limited to, conversations that took place before their relationship with the promise that they would be kept confidential.  DomA isn’t comfortable with DomB reading his conversations with Sub, and hence knowing personal information about him.

DomA wants to know:

So, what takes precedance?…protecting the privacy of her past friends personal discussions and private information?…or… loyally complying with her new Doms request for her FET password and/or other information?

In a larger picture…where does the D/s stop? Would a request for personal and work email passwords come next? Cell phone voice mail passwords? Should a Dom ask for personal information of his new submissive and expect complete compliance?

And I’m sort of torn. 

I mean, in my relationship, there are no secrets, as I’ve said before.  I have no privacy.  But was it always that way? No.  Early in our relationship, I was even allowed to keep a secret journal that Master promised not to read.  I never did, though.  And soon, He decided it would be counterproductive and revoked that right.

He was probably right.  Giving me the right to have secret thoughts in a secret journal would probably devastate our relationship.  Because then I’d spill the poison into the journal and never speak about it with Him.

It’s not unusual, this asking for passwords to profiles.  Like I said, I’m required to give them all to Him as soon as I make accounts.  I know others who are required to do the same.

But what if it was the beginning of a budding relationship? A seemingly online relationship? And someone had shared personal information with me?

On the one hand, I want to say it doesn’t matter.  Especially if I were going into a relationship as a slave.  My master would have access to whatever he wanted access to because he owns all of me and that includes my private conversations.  But on the other?

Collars are often made of velcro online.  Do I really trust myself and my judgment well enough to hand over someone else’s personal information, and thus possibly endanger their well-being, as well as my own, should the person I’m handing it to turn out to be someone untrustworthy? Do I wait it out and see if it lasts first? Is there ever a time in an online relationship when it’s okay to give your partner someone else’s personal information?

Should the submissive in question have told her new dominant no? Should she have told DomA to shove it? What do you guys think?

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  1. February 21st, 2010 at 03:16 | #1

    Hm. I’m going to side with DomB on this one. Who cares, really? If DomA is REALLY that worried about someone finding stuff out, he shouldn’t have told you in the first place. And you’d hope that DomB isn’t going to use personal information against anyone; he just wants to log-ins and passwords as part of the D/s dynamic in your relationship.

  2. February 21st, 2010 at 18:06 | #2

    I’d have to side with DomB. If DomA doesn’t want personal information going out, he shouldn’t have sent it in the first place. Not to mention, information comes out anyway in a relationship. You say, ‘One time when I was talking to DomA he said yaddayaddayadda’. If you share personal information ESPECIALLY online, you should be okay with people other than the person you are sending it to knowing about it. It’s the INTERNET, nothing is ever private to begin with.

    Not to mention, knowing the nature of D/s relationships, this isn’t an uncommon request.

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