Archive for February 3rd, 2010

M’s Eureka Moment and Verbal Commands

February 3rd, 2010 5 comments

So let’s see…

I slid backwards a bit, this weekend.  I was disobedient and disrespectful.  But it led to what appears to be a pretty big eureka moment for Master.

When things finally calmed down, He told me I was going to be punished for my behavior.  Then He said, “But if I beat you, you might get some tears and cry a little bit.  But you’ll still get horny, huh?”

And I kind of blinked at Him for a second and then nodded.

“So in that case, don’t touch Twitter at all, today, and you’re not allowed to use your PDA unless we read before bed for a week.”


The whole situation was really stupid.  I mean, Master was right to be mad.  I was disobedient.  That I made it spin as far out of control as it did was the stupid part.

I’m still kind of reeling from it.  I always feel like an asshole after arguing with Him.  Especially when I finally calm down and He points out all the ways I could have made my point respectfully.  And even more so when He still makes a point to address my issue even though I was a cunt about it.

I’m having nightmares because of it.  Sunday night, I dreamed Master gave me away to some random dominant who was really rather creepy.  In behaviors, not aesthetics.  Last night, I dreamed He told me to give Him some breathing room.  I immediately woke up.  It was so real.  Almost as if we had been having a conversation and exhaustion overtook me and those words woke me up.  I had to ask Him whether or not it was a dream this morning.

That’s stupid, too.  Master’s not a quitter and He’s quite the pack-rat.  If He lost interest in the romantic part of our relationship, He’d just keep me for the rest of it and find someone else to fulfill that part of His life.  And He’d never ask for breathing room.  He enjoys having His partner so close He can’t breathe.  That’s part of why He keeps me on lock-down.

I’m not doing so well with ignoring my paranoia.  But I’m also just rounding the last bend in the road out of PMSville.  So I’ll just chalk it up to that and hope it gets better as the days pass.

I dropped a Stoneware cereal bowl on my foot last night.  Nothing appears to be broken, but it’s bruised pretty good and hurts like a son of a bitch.  I can’t sit in my favorite positions because it makes my entire leg hurt.  Which means, naturally, that every time I go to the bathroom I accidentally kick the wall or the sink.  If it’s not broken now, it will be by the end of the week.

Master’s talking about training me to respond to verbal commands.  And I’m thinking to myself, “Don’t I already do that?” But He’s talking about things like “heel” and “freeze” and… Well, and those are the only examples He’s given me so far.

I’ve gotta get over feeling silly about things like that.

I think that’s all I’ve got, today.


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