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“It’s not that you don’t know how to be responsible. You do. You just choose not to.”

February 27th, 2010 Comments off

I can’t remember if we were fighting, or just talking.  I can’t remember whether I was having a panic attack, or just facing my faults.  I do remember meaning everything I said.

We were talking about my responsibilities.  All of them, not just my responsibility to Him.  And how I have a habit of shirking them as often as I can.  Especially if I think they’re stupid.

Take, for example, my assigned daily tasks.  I’m required to read the news and Disinformation every day for a half an hour each, then email M a summary of something I read.  And this frustrates me.  The emailing part, not the reading the news part.  Because we talk about the news all the time.  So why should I have to email Him a summary of what we already talked about?

Because He says so, that’s why.

But the fact of the matter is, I know how to be responsible.  I know how to manage my time, and focus on the task at hand, and get everything completed and/or turned in on time.  I’m usually the one who keeps track of when the bills need to be paid, and makes sure they make it to the mailbox, and calls the landlord if the check’s gonna show up later than his accountant’s set to start the eviction process.

Though I still find it laughable that in this economy, and this city, he has his accountant set to start the eviction process if a check hasn’t arrived by the 3rd of the month.  And why it’s my responsibility to call him each and every month, as if he doesn’t know it’ll be there eventually because we always pay, to remind him to call off his dogs so he doesn’t have to pay his accountant for the paperwork is beyond me.  I mean, when we applied for the apartment, one of the first things we told him was that M gets paid on the 30th, depending on what day of the week that is.  So if the 30th is a Sunday, M gets paid on Monday.  Which means he’s not getting the rent till the 3rd cause I am not trucking my happy ass all the way out to his place to put the rent in his hand.  That’s something like three transfers on the bus! It’ll take me forever to get there!

I’m getting better at it.  Yesterday, I sat down and inundated you all with reviews so I could get some overdue ones off my plate.  I’ve still got a couple overdue ones on my plate.  But they’re going to take more than me just sitting down and doing them.

Today, I’m slacking.  I’ve been working on this since I finished making breakfast.  But it’s Saturday.  I’m due.

Anywho… that was it.  Just wanted to talk about how I choose to be irresponsible.

Categories: Rayne Tags:

Product Review: Zing by Tantus

February 27th, 2010 3 comments

zingOoo, what’s that?

One day, ages ago, we decided to go on a hunt for a new butt plug.  The one we owned, at the time, was jelly.  We’d had it a while and it had begun to deteriorate, as jelly tends to do.  So we decided on a better material, which led us to the Zing by Tantus.

How’s it made?

The Zing is made of silicone.  Mine is purple, but it comes in copper, black and pink as well.  it’s nonporous, phthalates and latex free and hypoallergenic.  The surface is smooth, and the material dense but a little squishy.

The Zing is about four inches long and an inch and a half wide.  It’s rather light.  The bulbous end shrinks down to about an inch before flaring out into a wide, circular base with a hole in the center for the bullet it comes with.  And it’s ribbed.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about the bullet.  It wasn’t waterproof and I managed to kill it in a matter of weeks because of that.  But I’d already looked up a replacement and found one cheap, so I didn’t really care.  It took three watch size batteries.  That’s really all I remember about it.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

Product Review: Beginner Ball Gag by Tantus

February 27th, 2010 8 comments

beginner_ball_gagOoo, what’s that?

While I really enjoy the Ball Gag M and I have had for years, it is a little large.  Occasionally, when it comes out, I’ve got a cramp in my jaw.  Once I couldn’t close my mouth for some time.  I’ve been staring at the Beginner Ball Gag from Tantus for quite some time.  So I bought it.

What’d it come in?

It came in two pieces in a molded plastic shell that snapped shut.  Behind it was a cardboard insert with writing on it describing the toy.

How’s it made?

The ball gag is made of red silicone.  Real, hospital-grade silicone.  This is noteworthy because ages ago we bought a purple ball gag that claimed to be silicone and wasn’t.  After only one or two uses, it began to taste really bad and burn my lips and tongue.

It’s nonporous, phthalates and latex free and hypoallergenic.  It’s soft and squishy with a luxurious velvet surface.  And it’s shaped sort of like a pacifier.  The base is about three inches long by two inches wide at its widest point, and covers the lips when inserted.

M calls the part that goes in the mouth a “mouth plug” because it has a bulbous tip (about an inch and a half wide), then shrinks down to a smaller base (about an inch) like an anal plug.  It’s two inches long from the top of the base to the top of the ball.  The base is a half inch thick.

The straps are made of black leather with snaps on one end and velcro on the other.  They’re each sixteen inches long and slip through slits on either side of the “mouth plug”, then snap in place.  The leather is soft on both the inside and outside and a little stretchy.  Read more…

Categories: Kinky Stuff Tags:

Hi! I’m a bad slave. Wanna know why?

February 26th, 2010 5 comments

A recent post on FetLife was asking which of the various reasons listed by the poster were applicable to acts of direct, intentional disobedience.  The Master asking the question is one that i really respect and find absolutely fascinating, so i’ve been following the thread for sometime. Of course, in true tora fashion, i answered it too, because if there’s anything i love, it’s listening to myself talk (or type, as it were).

i admitted that there have been times where hey, i’m just not perfect. *shocked gasp* i’m human property, emphasis on human. i make mistakes, i hold myself high in value, i often have thought processes contrary to His goals. Shit happens. i was honest about it, explained that while i do love, adore and live to serve Him, i still have (too much of) a mind of my own and a tongue that gets away from me. Occasionally, knowing He would be pleased is just not quite enough to get me through it.

It’s not like i routinely tell Him “Fuck off and get your own drink” or “How about i rape your ass instead, dickwad!” i respect Him. i honor Him. He is above all others in my world. That is NOT enough to make me magically stop thinking about how i feel, what i want, or how pissed i’ll get when He’s laying on the couch watching Mythbusters while i’m cleaning the kitchen and making him lunch for the next day, and His voice wafts out into the kitchen – “Make me a drink!” Yes, because i am so obviously just farting around in the kitchen, indulging my mini bubble bath fantasies and have nothing better to do.

Heh. Oops.

Anyway. The point of that was to say i am generally an obedient cunt. i do my damnedest to obey, but that doesn’t stop the imperfection that is a human from bleeding through every so often.

Also adding to my problem is that i’m dumb enough to need to keep making sure that the walls and door of my “cage” are secure and can withstand me. If i start to feel like i might actually have a say in the matter, i’ll go running full tilt to the nearest electrified fence and grab that fucker. i have got to know that i’m his slave, i am lower, i do NOT have any guaranteed say in how things are done. This, too, makes me a “horrible” slave. shrug It’s not a case of continuous power struggles. The longer we’ve been doing the O/p thing, the less often i rise up. Oddly enough, even though they are fewer and farther apart, the struggles themselves are more intense, grittier and nastier.

The giving up of one’s self is rarely a pleasant and easy process.

i know that one of His goals in owning me is a lessening of my reactive personality and an emphasis on my subservient (to Him) side. We are relatively new to this O/p thing, we’ve got time.  i’m just along for the ride, lol.

i was disappointed at most of the reactions to the question. The common theme was “What?! i never! Real slaves don’t disobey!! We all lounge about anxiously awaiting to please our masters’ every whim!!1!1″

Gawd, if we have to put an act on to underline our twoo slaviness in a forum of online personas that we will most likely never meet, what the hell? Is there nowhere a slave can open up and admit they fuck up from time to time? i have a hard time believing i am the only slave that occasionally falters!

So, what do you have to add? Are you perfect? Do you have your moments of asshattery? Tell us how you approach the concept of disobedience! Is perfection an attainable goal?Or is my Owner really cursed with owning me, as some people have implied?

(i’ve mentioned the curse of owning me to Him – He laughs and says i’m the best curse He’s come across so far.)

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

Product Review: Ella by LELO

February 26th, 2010 2 comments

41kIXUR0gNL._SS500_Ooo, what’s that?

I did it.  I caved.  I couldn’t handle not knowing whether or not LELO was all it’s cracked up to be.  So I decided to start with Ella, the double ended dildo.  Isn’t she lovely?

What’d it come in?

A beautiful black cardboard box.  Inside you’ll find Ella, a satin bag to store her in and a user manual.

How’s it made?

Ella is seven inches of the most buttery silicone I’ve ever encountered.  She’s one and a quarter inches at her widest point.  Mine’s black, but she comes in white and rose as well.  Read more…

Product Review: Snugglepuss by Vibratex

February 26th, 2010 Comments off

Ooo, what’s that?

Isn’t it funny looking? Cin has one, too, and it just looked like so much fun.  It’s the Snugglepuss by Vibratex.

How’s it made?

The Snugglepuss is hinged pink plastic encased in a pink elastomer sleeve.  It’s phthalates and latex free and hypoallergenic.  It’s about four inches long and an inch and a quarter at its widest point.

It’s shaped sort of like a “U”, with one side having a sort of butterfly on it with nubs between the wings, and the other being shaped sort of like a big toe (Yes, I realize how gross that visual is.  I can’t help it! That’s what it looks like!) with nubs all over it as well.

The side with the butterfly comes off to reveal the batter compartment, which, if I’m to be honest, I was rather disappointed with.  First, the sleeve is excruciatingly difficult to remove without tearing.  I managed, but I have a tendency to treat my sex toys like the slightest wrong touch will break them.  Second, once I got the sleeve off, the battery cap just sort of popped off in my hands.  It’s a teeny-tiny square of plastic with no real clasp to speak of.  Read more…