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Lone Voice

January 31st, 2010

As I browse websites and blogs during my quiet times, I notice there are a lot of female s-types writing away that I can relate to. There seems to be a goodly number of them in power exchange relationships nearer to our end of the spectrum, who are intelligent, articulate, and secure in themselves and their relationships. They often seem to enjoy talking about how their life works, take time to explain it to others who have questions, who may be considering a similar way of life. I enjoy reading what they write, I enjoy seeing how their relationships work, I enjoy reading between the lines, seeing how they are being programmed or conditioned.

The men however, the ones in charge of these women, are generally less vocal. Most of the male d-types who write seem to fall into one of 3 camps.

The nervous newbie, “my girlfriend wants me to spank her” is often their first plea for help, and they get flooded with responses from the females across the spectrum from the bedroom funsters to the completely owned. The male responses, few as they are, come from the seriously “true”.

The seriously true fall into one of two camps, the service tops, the submission is a gift to me to be treasured, subs need love etc. Or the serious Gorean types, the micromanagers with no clear plan or imagination.

Finally there are the owners such as myself. Most of whom never post, perhaps a fear of being regularly labeled as misogynist abusers, or just a boredom of forever being so labeled. It could equally be that they are too busy “doing” to be “talking”. Either way, what of the male who wants to move along the bell curve, into the more complete end of ownership? Who does he turn to for words of wisdom? Sure there all those owned females are usually more than happy to talk where permitted, to offer advice, but what about alpha role models? Whilst I personally don’t agree with how many people use the label mentor these days, that doesn’t mean there is no place for a kind supportive word from someone on the same side of a power exchange.

I can see some merit to a response of “Everything she says with my authourity can be assumed to be approved by me, and from me by proxy”. It just doesn’t have quite the same impact though. There is a subtle but appreciable difference in words from the horses mouth, especially for those with less experience, less knowledge. Silence does not become us, are we not strong, proud of who and what we are? Yes our s-types can tell the world why we do things, but why should we not say our piece too in the interests of clarity?

It seems to be uniquely male too, female dominants at our end of the game are often happy to talk, debate, explain, yet most males just refuse to be drawn in. Is it that fear of being branded an abuser? A feeling that we may have to justify ourselves, explain something we think a basic concept?

So, If you are such a male and actually reading this, go somewhere, join in some discussions, you may not learn anything new, but perhaps you can teach someone else something. If you are the possession of such a person, encourage them to share, to help more people come to terms with themselves. There are millions of posts around the world from women wanting to submit and being encouraged, but for men who want to dominate, there is a scarcity of resources unless they fancy the epics of Gor, or to never have that totality of control they may desire.

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  1. Taja
    January 31st, 2010 at 23:26 | #1

    “Finally there are the owners such as myself. Most of whom never post, perhaps a fear of being regularly labelled as misogynist abusers, or just a boredom of forever being so labelled. It could equally be that they are too busy “doing” to be “talking”.”

    I think it is more the latter than the former.

    I know that Palus very rarely posts on blogs, fetlife or anywhere similar – heck he only ever reads them when I suggest that he read something.

    It has nothing to do with a fear of being labled as an “abuser” but has everything to do with a lack of time coupled with the fact that he uses a computer all day every day when at work (the joy of being a sys admin) and not wanting to touch one when he gets home in the evenings…

    Whereas I am a stay-at-home mother/slave and have plenty of time to browse the internet and an insatiable need to connect with other people to alleviate the boredom and lack of contact.

    Plus I think that women are just more social… if we are not talking to people in real life, we talk on the internet….

  2. February 1st, 2010 at 10:43 | #2

    I completely agree with what you’re saying here, enough so that it was part of this years resolutions to post more. For me, and I may be a minority, but my lack of posting isn’t for any of the reasons you mention. It’s more due to complete lack of time due to an overbearing work schedule. Typically when I do get some free time to concentrate on the site, I’m fiddling more in the back end.

    What you say here is true, I’ve discovered during my time in an “alternate” lifestyle. I’ve talked to a lot of men who are downright afraid to post their real opinions. Some will admit they don’t want the label, while others claim it’s to protect their careers.

    I admit that there was a time I was like that; worried that the CEO of the company I work for would stumble across my website. Here in the US, and specifically in New York, all employment is “at will”, so it does present a career danger (and I have well over a decade in my current position). I eventually got to the point where I didn’t care. I am who I am, and I’ll happily go look for other employment if that’s what it requires. I no longer shy away from stating exactly what I feel to be true.

    My belief is that rayne is property. I do have an emotional relationship with her, but that is my choice. It’s not a requirement of my ownership (in fact, the only true requirement is that I have a need for her). It’s known that rayne’s position as wife comes after her position as property, and that I won’t let feelings get in the way of what I want to do to her or with her. There are no safe words, and no choices rayne are allowed in any part of her life, unless I decide to allow it.

    On a larger, more general scale, I’m one of those men that think women should be subservient to men. Period. If the world were made according to my desires, we would be living in a more Gor-like world.

    That being said, I’m also an intelligent and sane man, and that isn’t the world we live in. I know when it’s inappropriate for those thoughts to enter into my interactions with those on the “outside”. I am also generally a polite person, and it usually takes something major to get me close to losing my temper (and even there, I’m able to control myself). That is the point so many people miss. Even tho we have what the world considers “extreme” beliefs, we also understand the culture we live in and know how to separate those beliefs from our daily monotony (be that work, or whatever).

    So, I want to say, you are not a lone voice. There are others out there that might just need a little encouragement to speak up (or more free time!).

  3. February 1st, 2010 at 21:27 | #3

    A very nice post. I try and post my self-discoveries as much as I can, and it’s perhaps easier for me because I’ve always been someone who talks about his feelings, and not into macho garbage. Call me an articulate geek if you will. There’s no question it’s rare though, and it’s not surprising. You’re supposed to be the dominant, your sub is relying on you to be confident and putting their faith in you. It’s a little tough to turn around and admit to your doubts. That said, I think it builds a stronger relationship in the long run.
    .-= Coyote Too´s last blog ..Daddy/little girl – A Brief Comment =-.

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