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Lone Voice

January 31st, 2010 3 comments

As I browse websites and blogs during my quiet times, I notice there are a lot of female s-types writing away that I can relate to. There seems to be a goodly number of them in power exchange relationships nearer to our end of the spectrum, who are intelligent, articulate, and secure in themselves and their relationships. They often seem to enjoy talking about how their life works, take time to explain it to others who have questions, who may be considering a similar way of life. I enjoy reading what they write, I enjoy seeing how their relationships work, I enjoy reading between the lines, seeing how they are being programmed or conditioned.

The men however, the ones in charge of these women, are generally less vocal. Most of the male d-types who write seem to fall into one of 3 camps.

The nervous newbie, “my girlfriend wants me to spank her” is often their first plea for help, and they get flooded with responses from the females across the spectrum from the bedroom funsters to the completely owned. The male responses, few as they are, come from the seriously “true”.

The seriously true fall into one of two camps, the service tops, the submission is a gift to me to be treasured, subs need love etc. Or the serious Gorean types, the micromanagers with no clear plan or imagination.

Finally there are the owners such as myself. Most of whom never post, perhaps a fear of being regularly labeled as misogynist abusers, or just a boredom of forever being so labeled. It could equally be that they are too busy “doing” to be “talking”. Either way, what of the male who wants to move along the bell curve, into the more complete end of ownership? Who does he turn to for words of wisdom? Sure there all those owned females are usually more than happy to talk where permitted, to offer advice, but what about alpha role models? Whilst I personally don’t agree with how many people use the label mentor these days, that doesn’t mean there is no place for a kind supportive word from someone on the same side of a power exchange.

I can see some merit to a response of “Everything she says with my authourity can be assumed to be approved by me, and from me by proxy”. It just doesn’t have quite the same impact though. There is a subtle but appreciable difference in words from the horses mouth, especially for those with less experience, less knowledge. Silence does not become us, are we not strong, proud of who and what we are? Yes our s-types can tell the world why we do things, but why should we not say our piece too in the interests of clarity?

It seems to be uniquely male too, female dominants at our end of the game are often happy to talk, debate, explain, yet most males just refuse to be drawn in. Is it that fear of being branded an abuser? A feeling that we may have to justify ourselves, explain something we think a basic concept?

So, If you are such a male and actually reading this, go somewhere, join in some discussions, you may not learn anything new, but perhaps you can teach someone else something. If you are the possession of such a person, encourage them to share, to help more people come to terms with themselves. There are millions of posts around the world from women wanting to submit and being encouraged, but for men who want to dominate, there is a scarcity of resources unless they fancy the epics of Gor, or to never have that totality of control they may desire.

Categories: Sojourners Tags:

“All men are potential rapists” breeds fear and mistrust. Not caution.

January 31st, 2010 23 comments

Okay enough of this passive-aggressive, “commenting on this phrase without really saying what I feel” bullshit.  This post might be offensive.  It might cost me readers.  But to be perfectly honest, I don’t care.  I’m not tiptoeing around this shit anymore.  If you can’t handle my opinion, belly up to the bar and put your money where your mouth is.  Cause this “Women should be paranoid.” shit is driving me up a fucking wall.

Women, and especially victims, have enough issues to deal with without fearing every known or unknown man in their lives.

To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve lost count of how many times I was raped.  My ex used to rape me any time I wasn’t interested in sex.  I was almost raped by a stranger I took a ride from, but I managed to escape.  A couple Johns who didn’t want to pay.  My fiance’s roommate when I stopped by his house to give him a ride to pick up his prescription on Halloween.

I was never really afraid.  Somehow, I knew I’d get through it mostly unharmed.  And I always did.  Mentally and physically.  I maybe spent one or two days moping, and then I picked myself up, shook it off and moved on with my life.

No group sessions, or rape counselors, or repeating over and over exactly what happened to anyone who would listen.  Matter of fact, there are quite a few things no one, except me and the people who did them to me, knows about.  Not because I’ve blocked them out or haven’t dealt with them.  But because I don’t see the point in sharing them.  I don’t need a “poor baby”, or a pat on the back, or someone to understand me, or empathize with me, or tell me they know what I’m going through.  I’ve been getting along just fine without any of that, and I plan to continue to get along just fine without it.

At least half of the times I was raped were my own fault.  You’re god damn right, that’s victim blaming.  Because the victim is partially to blame in my case.  Because I intentionally put myself in harm’s way.  I got in cars with strangers in bad neighborhoods, and went home alone with shady characters, and went to parties that I knew would only have one or two other girls there, and stayed with a man who I knew would have let me walk away if I wanted to without lifting a finger to me or his children.  Probably would have even sent me away with body guards if I asked him to.  Though that’s mostly cause then he could keep tabs on me.

I completely agree we should be teaching victims caution.  But teaching them to fear every man?  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags: