Home > rayne > Mama always said, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

Mama always said, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

January 28th, 2010

I got in trouble this week.

I didn’t get punished, but that’s because we decided we were starting over, and I hadn’t broken this particular rule yet.  And probably because my breaking the rule was both unintentional and altruistic.

The offense was speaking to a man in private without first asking permission.  And I’m sorry to say that I’ve tripped over this rule a lot in the past.  I allowed my damnable pride to come before my owner’s wishes.  And that’s really unacceptable.

This time, though, it was my lack of common sense that got the better of me.  Master was on the phone with a major customer and was much too busy to mute it and answer me, first of all.  The message was BDSM related and, while it did require me talking about myself, it was purely for informational purposes.  I didn’t think to shoot M a message or wait until He was off the phone.  I just answered the question.  It was a technical question, not a personal one.  It couldn’t hurt, right?

Well… See… When the rule is “Do not speak to males in private without permission.” that means, “Not even if your/their motives are altruistic.”  And I’ve been exacerbating it by arguing with Master.  Asking questions like, “Wouldn’t it just make more sense to give me permission?” or making statements like, “I’m just going to change my profile to say I’m not allowed to talk to males ever cause you never say yes.”

The truth of the matter is, I rarely remember to ask.  And when I do, He usually says, “See what he wants but keep it short.”  And that’s usually because I have things to do.  And because He’s territorial.  And because He knows that if I’m interested in a woman, I’m interested for both of us, but if I’m interested in a man, the most He’ll get out of it is getting to watch me be used like the piece of cunt that I am.  And maybe He’ll be able to participate in my degradation.  But beyond that, He’s not really interested in me having ties to other men without Him first getting to know them. 

And that is His right as my owner.

I get annoyed by it sometimes.  Not because I have some dire need to be talking to other men in private.  I don’t.  From where I sit, there’s really nothing anyone, male or female, should be saying to me that they wouldn’t mind saying in front of Master.  And there’s absolutely nothing I should be saying to other people that I wouldn’t say in front of Him.  That whole “full transparency” thing.

But there are occasionally things people don’t particularly want to say in front of the whole world.  And that’s usually when they message me.  And then I feel some sort of strange obligation to respond right away as if not doing so would be rude, and I start to get antsy if I can’t get an immediate answer from Master, and…

And on the one hand, He should be proud because that’s His training in action.  That’s me knowing that I am beneath these men and that I should be as respectful as possible.  But on the other hand, His rules come before anything else.  I just hate being monkey in the middle.  It makes me uncomfortable and it makes me feel out of line and it makes me afraid people won’t like me anymore.  And it shouldn’t make me feel any of those things, I don’t think.

Blah… I’m starting to think I need way more retraining than either of us realized.  ~sigh~

~pig whore

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  1. January 28th, 2010 at 16:19 | #1

    I get where you are coming from. Kitti has a similar ban on some forms of communication, and she does have a lot of difficulty remembering. however for us it is slightly different. I do not discriminate by gender or orientation, its a blanket thing. I have never been able to rationalise restricting such a rule to just (fe)male or s-types, or d-types, or whatever.

  2. January 28th, 2010 at 16:26 | #2

    @daddy_keeper He rationalizes it with the fact that I’ve caused problems when men were involved in the past. Both in public and in private. Not that He needs to rationalize it. If He wanted, He could do it just cause He feels like it. That’s the beauty of owning someone.

  3. January 28th, 2010 at 19:39 | #3

    I know he doesn’t have to rationalise or justify it:) I just prefer blanket coverage, there seems to be less wriggle room that way, a more oppressive feeling for the one restricted.

  4. January 29th, 2010 at 07:56 | #4

    @daddy_keeper True… However, restricting me from talking to girlies makes finding one more difficult since I usually point them out to Him. =D

  5. January 30th, 2010 at 00:55 | #5

    I guess I’m not too territorial, but it doesn’t really bother me when jor talks to other females. Other Dommes even. I want him to know what other styles are out there so he can know specifically, what he likes and doesn’t. Plus, it’d just be a pain to regulate. Friends aren’t really too bad.

    I’d have a hard time following that rule too though.
    .-= Kayla´s last blog ..Ball Gag with Attached Dildo =-.

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