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Sexualising pain

January 25th, 2010

I’ve been a bit quiet this last week but I’ve been busy. Those who have been reading mine and DK’s posts, you will have noticed some changes. Our relationship now has a sexual element.

Before getting involved with DK, I hadn’t had sex for months. Serious pain had been longer. I had zero sex drive and ran screaming from the slightest pinch.

This last week or so has been filled with sex, pain, laughter, affection, cuddling, intimacy, more sex and more pain. It’s like a floodgate has opened and all this pent up sexual energy has exploded and is now just drowning in masochism and is just covering me in lust.

I’ve never been one of those people who can sexualise pain. That’s why my favourite kind of pain is the squeezy crushy pain that comes from DK just grabbing an entire breast in my hand and squeezing it until I’m writhing so much that I don’t understand where I’m trying to go. It just hurts. It just focusses me on him, regardless of my sexualisation, my interpretation, my emotions… It just hurts. That’s what I need… Or that’s what I needed.

Now I’m needing the sex just as much. I’m hoping this is just a phase where my sexuality is now blossoming because, at the end of the day, I am not there to be DK’s sexual partner… I am there to be his outlet for sadism and his cunt for abuse.

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