Home > Rayne > I don’t hate you, Feminism. You just get on my nerves, sometimes.

I don’t hate you, Feminism. You just get on my nerves, sometimes.

January 18th, 2010

Last year (I love saying that in January, as if what I’m talking about was more than a few weeks ago.), I posted about feminist fanatics refusing to look at reality when it hurts their cause.  A while ago, the opinion of this chick on the intarwebs prompted me to write feminist organizations asking for their stances on BDSM relationships.  But even through all that, I’m still not sure I’ve given a clear view of how I feel about the subject of feminism.

I’ve never said I’m not grateful for women’s liberation, or that I don’t believe in at least a part of their cause.  But as I’ve said before, I do take issue with someone who doesn’t even know I exist deciding what’s best for me.  And I think things are getting a little out of hand.

I don’t know whether or not I agree with the conviction that’s popping up everywhere, these days.  The belief that we no longer need the feminist movement.  I mean, on the one hand, I think things are getting a little out of control because, while not everyone involved in the feminist movement is trying to free women from even themselves, the ones who are are pretty outspoken.  Sometimes, they’re the only ones who can be heard.

On the other hand, there are still women in America (Not to mention other countries, but let’s be honest.  We have no right or responsibility to tell countries most of us have never even heard of, let alone visited or lived in, how they should live their lives.  Seriously.) who need help.  Who need someone to stand up for them.  I’m just not one of them.  Neither are any of my friends.

I guess it just irritates me that people are so presumptuous.  We appreciate your concern, but it’s not warranted.  You know?

I am absolutely for giving both men and women the right to choose how to live their lives.  I think we should all have equal rights if we want them.  I absolutely believe we should all be paid according to our skill set and not our gender (or race, or religion, or social status, or supposed birth right, or whatever).

I’ll admit, I used to fantasize about something resembling Gor.  But that’s just cause it gets my girl parts all hot and bothered.  I know the reality of things is that eventually, a world like that would implode on itself.  Why? Because the storyline is basically world history with a little sci-fi and extra sexism thrown in.  And we seem damn near on the verge of imploding on ourselves all. the. time.  It’ll happen one day.  I hope to whatever controls the fates, if anything, that it will be long after my line has died out. 

I don’t believe gender roles, as some parts of society see them, should be written in stone.  But I also believe that we shouldn’t crucify people who choose to live by them in their own life.  Just because it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for anyone else.  That is true in all things.

Until I was older, I never really had any concept of “gender roles” or “gender-specific chores/occupations”.  Probably because I never had a brother for my mother to assign the boy chores to, so I never really got the concept of boy chores, or boy occupations, or whatever.  A fact that still ruffles my adopted grandfather’s feathers to this day.  The last time I talked to him, he told me I should never take a job in a factory again.  I can’t imagine what he’ll say if/when my mother tells him what I do now.

I usually did the boy chores.  My sister wouldn’t.  Course, she was little when I moved out.  I kind of stopped talking to her and never asked her about herself or her life when I did.  So I don’t know if my dad started doing them, or if she stepped up.

There are no boy chores in this house.  They’re mostly all girl chores.  Unless Master’s feeling froggy or generous.  Then He cleans the living room and His office, and I do the rest of the house.  Actually, most of the time He cleans the living room and He always cleans the office.  He doesn’t like me in His stuff.  And I get too frustrated with it because, even with three closets, we have no storage space.  No filing system.  Maybe that’s what I’ll buy next month.  A cheap filing cabinet.

On my post about feminist propaganda, Brit said, “Calling feminists “man-haters” is inaccurate, and an archaic stereotype that we’ve long ago disproved. We don’t hate men; we hate misogyny.”  And maybe in most cases she’s right.  I hope to the Great Purple Cabbage that in most cases, she’s right.

But as I said before, I know quite a few raging feminists.  They tend, as most fanatics of any cause do, to blow things way out of proportion.  They take every joke and offhand comment as cognitive thought and conviction rather than the jokes and comments they were meant to be.  They get offended about so much that it’s difficult to find anything you can talk to them about without stepping in their cause.

They think the people around them don’t hear the disdain in their voice when they speak to men.  They think comments like “All men are potential rapists.” are fair assumptions and perfectly okay to pass as fact.  They absolutely believe that every man has, at some point in his life, sexually assaulted and/or harassed at least one woman.  They’ll go so far as to say a child repeating a derogatory comment he overheard some bigger, cooler kid make is sexual harassment, and they’ll berate the child rather than explaining why it’s not okay to say that.  As if a child should just know, without ever having encountered the situation, what’s right or wrong to say to a woman.

I’ve heard raging feminists tell a woman she was being abused because her husband refused to give her the checkbook to go clothes shopping when he had to pay the refrigerator repairman.  I’ve heard them cheer little girls on for emasculating their little boy friends with snide comments and disdain.  I’ve heard them say things like, “If there weren’t any men around, the world would be perfect.” and “If we put women in control, there would be peace and plenty of resources.” and “Any situation controlled by men deteriorates into chaos and violence.”

And then, after they spend an hour arguing with a man about whether or not he’s ever sexually assaulted a woman, or if he’s ever fantasized about it, or if he’s ever treated a woman badly simply because she was a woman, or if he’s ever used his machismo to try to subdue or manipulate a woman, they say, “Oh, no! I don’t hate men! What ever gave you that idea?” and blink up at you with those blank, daft doe eyes like you don’t both know you see right through them.

I know speaking out against feminism is a death sentence in some of the places I spend my time.  I don’t really care.  And I guess I’m not really.  I honestly only have a problem with the ones who do use it as a disguise for their man hatred and daddy issues.  But I also know that not all feminists hate men and have daddy issues.  And some women who aren’t feminists hate men and have daddy issues, too.  That’s life, man.  There are always people with things, good and bad, in common on both sides of the fence.  It’s how we eventually settle our differences.

But seriously? Cut these poor men some slack.  The vast majority of the men I’ve known since I removed myself from the world I used to live in completely agree that women should have equal rights.  It’s not even a question in their minds.  They’re just as respectful and courteous with the women they know as they are with the men.  The sexist comments fly both ways and they’re jokes.

In short, I am grateful and commend the women who’ve so diligently fought to give me the right to choose, rather than be forced into submission by society’s standard.  I’m glad some women have chosen to remain in the fight.  I’m not sure I believe what some feminists do about things going back to the way they were the second we let our guard down.  But it’s nice to know there are people who are happy to stand in the way just in case.

But the man bashing is getting ridiculous.  The sheer extremes to which some feminists go to not just give women equal rights, but also put them in control, are sickening.  The suggestions that so many of them make that men should be more effeminate and “more in touch with their feelings” and less manly are laughable.  And we don’t have to completely obliterate all gender lines to reach equality.  That’s akin to saying we have to dye everyone’s skin to be done with racism, or amass all deities into one to do away with religious discrimination.

Just as with any cause, there are extremists on both sides of the fence.  And just as with any cause, the extremists are the ones who make any effort to keep the cause on track seem futile.

I dunno.  I guess I just feel you catch more flies with honey, and all the feminists who can be heard are spewing is vinegar.  I mean, sure.  Niceties don’t win wars.  But feminism has long since ceased being an uphill battle.  So why not man the fences with guards, but stop firing the cannons? I mean, wouldn’t it be easier to survey the damage, remove the unwanted parts and rebuild without iron flying over our heads?

  1. January 18th, 2010 at 14:04 | #1


    At the cmapus I teach at, there’s an ongoing speaker serries called, “contmporary issues in feminist research.” Some of the titles of the talks are very frustrating as they do just what you talk about here, imply that there’s still a need for an ongoing war. I will grant the organizers credit for the diversity of their speakers/presentations, as it’s also clear that some of they presentations recognise the successes and even call into question the things you bring up; those are just a small minority of the presenters. Of course, I never get to go as I seem to always be teaching at noon.

    You have a gallery? Cool beans.


  2. January 18th, 2010 at 14:28 | #2

    @dweaver999 It’s been hanging around under the banner for… a year, maybe? Where you been? 😛

  3. January 18th, 2010 at 19:52 | #3

    I completely agree with you on this, but I suspect you already knew that. :-p

  4. January 19th, 2010 at 07:35 | #4

    @Kristi Yeah I did. Lol <3

  5. January 19th, 2010 at 15:27 | #5

    You already know how I feel on this subject! Amen sista!
    .-= cinnamon´s last blog ..Learning About Human Ponies =-.

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