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Exploration Pt. 2 – Pride of Place

January 14th, 2010

Polyamory is a new thing for me.  I have always been in monoromantic relationships until now.  In the past I was burned on the idea of poly due to idiotic partners who explained poly as him being able to sleep with whomever he wished whenever he wished when I could do nothing but remain loyal to him.  That’s not poly, that’s being a slut.  Not a good slut, but a nasty one.

The relationship I am in now is one I never thought I could be comfortable in.  I am the second in his life and will always be second to his wife, but I don’t feel like a second would.  He devotes time and gives me the attention he gives to his wife.  He makes sure that I am alright and that my world is fine and dandy before he goes off to do the things that he needs to get done.  Whenever he and I make plans to be together for a weekend or go out on a date I always make sure that she is perfectly fine with us spending some alone time together.  Most of the time the three of us spend time together and I enjoy that time greatly.

Last weekend I hit a brick wall for a moment.  I was faced with the realization that he was going to possibly play with another sexually.  Now, I don’t mind this at all and I understand that it is going to happen from time to time, but it upset me a little bit because of how I had been burned in the past.  I spoke with a friend about it and both he and his wife comforted me and made sure I was doing alright.  I sat and further spoke with a friend of theirs who is slowly becoming a great friend to me.

I told her my worries and concerns and she tapped the necklace that I wear every day.  I haven’t taken it off except to sleep and shower since he gave it to me for Christmas.  She told me of pride of place and I asked her what exactly she meant.  She told me that no matter what he does or who he plays with during the course of the night that at the end of it he is coming to bed with me and B.  We talked a bit more and I began to grasp what she meant and understand just exactly how different my relationship is now in relation to those in the past. 

I sat and thought about the dynamic of my relationship and my personal relationship with him.  He cares for me, greatly, and I care for him in return.  I also understand that his marriage is first and foremost.  If tomorrow they both decided to cut the openness and polyamorous design out of their relationship I would walk away without a fuss.  He isn’t the only one who cares for and about me, though.  She cares for me as well.  She and I were friends before he ever came out of the closet and admitted he was kinky.

I am his girl and he gladly tells the people he works with and others around him that I am his girl or girlfriend.  They don’t look at us awkwardly and I have a huge sense of pride when I am with them.  I have my sense of pride when I’m not with them as well, but it is apparent when they are around.  My place, at the end of the day, is curled up beside him in their bed.  No matter who he plays with at a party situation he lays down with me (and B if she’s there).

I don’t worry about my position in his life because, to be honest, it isn’t something that he reminds me of constantly.  Our chemistry is phenomenal and our relationship is growing more and more with every passing day.  My pride of place is growing stronger.  Polyamory is definitely a difficult dynamic and many struggle to make it work.  Ours just does with little to no effort.

I definitely have a different, more positive outlook on polyamory.

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