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Discussion: Self Esteem

January 5th, 2010

Just about everyone has some sort of self esteem issues.  Especially in America.  We aren’t really known for loving ourselves as we are, here.

Most of us try not to make things worse by belittling each other for our flaws.  Instead of telling someone who has an issue with being fat how to go about fixing it, we’ll try to make them feel better by telling them they’re not fat.  Or we’ll give our friends makeovers and take them wardrobe shopping to try to make them feel better about their body issues.  Or… something.

So I’ve got some questions dancing around in my head, with the new slew of posts about body acceptance over on Eden Cafe (one from our very own VieuxCarre).

  1. Do you have self esteem issues? If you don’t mind sharing, what are one or two?
  2. How do you attempt to overcome these issues?
  3. What do you think most effects how you view yourself? The media? Your friends? Your family?
  4. This one’s tricky.  Is there such a thing as “too much” self esteem, in your mind? And if so, where is that line drawn?
  5. And finally, what would you tell someone who is having trouble accepting the skin they’re in?
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  1. January 5th, 2010 at 19:27 | #1

    I’ll go ahead and answer some, and I should have my Body Image post coming up for EdenCafe soon too.

    I don’t have self-esteem issues much anymore. It really does depend on where though. I know I couldn’t bottom solely for the fact that I would be beyond panicked to even attempt to take off my clothing. Here at my house with slave, though, I run around with clothing and rarely think a second thought about it. I wouldn’t say I have self-esteem issues, though. It rarely takes up a second thought when I bother to even think about it, and I remember when I was growing up, it was ALL I thought about, so it’s gotten much better.

    Mostly, I overcame the problem when I started dating my slave. It’s also the time I moved out of my parent’s house. My mother was constantly trying to get me to diet or telling me that guys would like me more if I lost twenty pounds. I’d jump between binging and starvation because half of the time I thought she was right, and the other half I just wanted to prove her wrong. I did, however, lose over 80 pounds during that. (All of which I now have back plus 20)

    There is such a thing as too much. Arrogance. When you start to over-estimate your ability to do everything, you’re going to fail at some much more.

    What would I tell someone? Hmmm…depends on the age group. For teenagers – just to wait it out until they get older – it will change. For anyone older, I’d say to find a group of friends that you’re comfortable with and hang around them. And to avoid anyone that tells you that you aren’t beautiful.
    .-= Kayla´s last blog ..Sexuations Board Game =-.

  2. January 6th, 2010 at 15:21 | #2

    I have bad self-esteem issues. My body image is totally shot; even when I was super skinny and sick looking, I still felt and saw fat! I think the media is what mostly put the idea in my head. My family never called me fat growing up, heck I was a cheerleader, so I was working out all the time! Guys have always been attracted to me, even when I was overweight. I wish I had a cure all for overcoming self-esteem issues, but alas I haven’t figured it out yet.

    There is absolutely such a thing as too much self-esteem. People who have too much self-esteem are usually popular in high school, but as we grow older we realize how ugly and fake these people are on the inside, and they tend to lose their hold on people.

  3. January 11th, 2010 at 10:51 | #3

    We all know I have self esteem issues. The biggest are in relation to my body. It’s no secret I’m fat. And that bothers me. Not because I’m unhealthy (though I probably am, at this point). But because I think it looks bad.

    In order to overcome this, I try to ignore the voices in my head that tell me even strangers are patronizing me when they compliment my appearance. But mostly, I just try to be honest with myself. I mean, yeah… I am fat. But I’m also pretty, intelligent, kind… My fat does not define me. This is something I’m still working on.

    I think part of my problem is the American Beauty ideal. We Americans are dead set on “Thin is beautiful.” though, from where I sit, that seems to be getting better. Once upon a time, my friends had a lot to do with it. I didn’t have a single friend who wore larger than a size ten until a few years ago. And that kind of fucked with my head.

    I do believe a person can be too full of his or herself, but I often have a hard time defining the difference between confidence and arrogance. Which is why I posed that question. It’s a fine line. And it’s not always easy to see where it’s drawn. Inflation is the easiest to see. When someone knows what their good qualities are and exaggerates them to make them “bigger”, for lack of a better word.

    Really, with just about everything anyone confides in me, I try to find the silver lining. Especially when they seem to be having trouble finding it for themselves. So if someone was talking to me about their self esteem issues, I’d probably spend the time pointing out the good parts of the things they don’t like about themselves. However, if they’re telling me they don’t like being fat, or having stringy hair, or some other thing that can be easily changed, I’d try to help them change it.

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