Archive for January, 2010

Lone Voice

January 31st, 2010 3 comments

As I browse websites and blogs during my quiet times, I notice there are a lot of female s-types writing away that I can relate to. There seems to be a goodly number of them in power exchange relationships nearer to our end of the spectrum, who are intelligent, articulate, and secure in themselves and their relationships. They often seem to enjoy talking about how their life works, take time to explain it to others who have questions, who may be considering a similar way of life. I enjoy reading what they write, I enjoy seeing how their relationships work, I enjoy reading between the lines, seeing how they are being programmed or conditioned.

The men however, the ones in charge of these women, are generally less vocal. Most of the male d-types who write seem to fall into one of 3 camps.

The nervous newbie, “my girlfriend wants me to spank her” is often their first plea for help, and they get flooded with responses from the females across the spectrum from the bedroom funsters to the completely owned. The male responses, few as they are, come from the seriously “true”.

The seriously true fall into one of two camps, the service tops, the submission is a gift to me to be treasured, subs need love etc. Or the serious Gorean types, the micromanagers with no clear plan or imagination.

Finally there are the owners such as myself. Most of whom never post, perhaps a fear of being regularly labeled as misogynist abusers, or just a boredom of forever being so labeled. It could equally be that they are too busy “doing” to be “talking”. Either way, what of the male who wants to move along the bell curve, into the more complete end of ownership? Who does he turn to for words of wisdom? Sure there all those owned females are usually more than happy to talk where permitted, to offer advice, but what about alpha role models? Whilst I personally don’t agree with how many people use the label mentor these days, that doesn’t mean there is no place for a kind supportive word from someone on the same side of a power exchange.

I can see some merit to a response of “Everything she says with my authourity can be assumed to be approved by me, and from me by proxy”. It just doesn’t have quite the same impact though. There is a subtle but appreciable difference in words from the horses mouth, especially for those with less experience, less knowledge. Silence does not become us, are we not strong, proud of who and what we are? Yes our s-types can tell the world why we do things, but why should we not say our piece too in the interests of clarity?

It seems to be uniquely male too, female dominants at our end of the game are often happy to talk, debate, explain, yet most males just refuse to be drawn in. Is it that fear of being branded an abuser? A feeling that we may have to justify ourselves, explain something we think a basic concept?

So, If you are such a male and actually reading this, go somewhere, join in some discussions, you may not learn anything new, but perhaps you can teach someone else something. If you are the possession of such a person, encourage them to share, to help more people come to terms with themselves. There are millions of posts around the world from women wanting to submit and being encouraged, but for men who want to dominate, there is a scarcity of resources unless they fancy the epics of Gor, or to never have that totality of control they may desire.

Categories: Sojourners Tags:

“All men are potential rapists” breeds fear and mistrust. Not caution.

January 31st, 2010 23 comments

Okay enough of this passive-aggressive, “commenting on this phrase without really saying what I feel” bullshit.  This post might be offensive.  It might cost me readers.  But to be perfectly honest, I don’t care.  I’m not tiptoeing around this shit anymore.  If you can’t handle my opinion, belly up to the bar and put your money where your mouth is.  Cause this “Women should be paranoid.” shit is driving me up a fucking wall.

Women, and especially victims, have enough issues to deal with without fearing every known or unknown man in their lives.

To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve lost count of how many times I was raped.  My ex used to rape me any time I wasn’t interested in sex.  I was almost raped by a stranger I took a ride from, but I managed to escape.  A couple Johns who didn’t want to pay.  My fiance’s roommate when I stopped by his house to give him a ride to pick up his prescription on Halloween.

I was never really afraid.  Somehow, I knew I’d get through it mostly unharmed.  And I always did.  Mentally and physically.  I maybe spent one or two days moping, and then I picked myself up, shook it off and moved on with my life.

No group sessions, or rape counselors, or repeating over and over exactly what happened to anyone who would listen.  Matter of fact, there are quite a few things no one, except me and the people who did them to me, knows about.  Not because I’ve blocked them out or haven’t dealt with them.  But because I don’t see the point in sharing them.  I don’t need a “poor baby”, or a pat on the back, or someone to understand me, or empathize with me, or tell me they know what I’m going through.  I’ve been getting along just fine without any of that, and I plan to continue to get along just fine without it.

At least half of the times I was raped were my own fault.  You’re god damn right, that’s victim blaming.  Because the victim is partially to blame in my case.  Because I intentionally put myself in harm’s way.  I got in cars with strangers in bad neighborhoods, and went home alone with shady characters, and went to parties that I knew would only have one or two other girls there, and stayed with a man who I knew would have let me walk away if I wanted to without lifting a finger to me or his children.  Probably would have even sent me away with body guards if I asked him to.  Though that’s mostly cause then he could keep tabs on me.

I completely agree we should be teaching victims caution.  But teaching them to fear every man?  Read more…

Product Review: Tongue Vibe by Empire Labs Incorporated

January 29th, 2010 Comments off

Ooo, what’s that?

Well, it’s not the tongue vibe I thought it was, but that’s okay.  I’ve found plenty of other uses for this Tongue Vibe by Empire Labs Incorporated.

What’d it come in?

You  know those molded plastic sleeves that are melted shut at the sides? The ones that are a bitch to open? Yeah, it came in one of those with a bright red insert.  On the insert are three different pictures of the toy in use… sort of.  In one photo, the Tongue Vibe is on a couple dildos.  In another, it’s wrapped around a banana and a cucumber.  And on the last, it’s wrapped around fingers.  The packaging claims this vibe is “oral sex made easy” and well… You’ll just have to finish the review to find out.

As you can see, inside the package, you’ll find a small hard plastic compact, about the size and shape of a powder compact, that contains two Tongue Vibes, both with batteries already installed, and four extra batteries.  While it is a pain in the ass to open (I often have to use a butter knife), this compact was a nifty idea.  Read more…

Negotiation and limits

January 28th, 2010 Comments off

In the repsonses to kitti’s blog on consent (or lack thereof)  was a mention of negotiations and limits. Between us we dealt with negotiation and limits the same we dealt with the idea of consent. I ignored it to all intents and purposes.  There was no set out negotiation, that was kind of dealt with before we even started talking to each other, by way of a quick thing I posted over on fetlife and her response to it.

Negotiation is, according to the dictionary, “mutual discussion and arrangement of the terms of a transaction or agreement”. The key word there is “mutual”, it gives a very strong implication that negotiating should be a two way street, all interested parties compromising on an acceptable middle ground. So perhaps I should say we never negotiated anything, I simply dictated the terms of any potential relationship. Any negotiation was limited to blanket acceptance or blanket refusal on her part, from the very beginning I was determined there would be no compromise on any aspect I considered important.

Whilst twisting the consent issue I was also bypassing the whole negotiation process, making it redundant. As she had expressed an interest or belief in being a no-limits object, I never gave her opportunity to mention or think of any such limits. It was repeated often that things would be how I wanted them to be, I would treat her and use her just as I wished.

It was long after we had agreed she was owned that the first mention of a limit ever came up, even then it was not a hard one, simply a case of “I would rather not” and “I can’t see how any benefit outweighs the risk”. Luckily for her I was in agreement on the subject.  From almost the start of our talking, I allowed her to talk about her wants, her needs, her likes, more than a few of which I already knew from her lists on fetlife, but any mention of a dislike got a response along the lines of “Do you think that makes any difference?”

Safe words were discounted from the very start.  She thought they placed control in the wrong hands, I agreed with that. I also think they demonstrate a lack of trust. Twice now she has been pushed to the point where I have had to stop, both times I stopped because of what I perceived, not because she wanted me to.  She learned very fast that I could be trusted to stop when I deemed it necessary, regardless of her feelings or desires for an earlier stop.

There was a fair bit of discussion about negative triggers, again each one was met with “it will make no difference, when I want to push it I will”. Not if, but when. It was made clear that every one of her negative triggers was to be just another tool I could and would use to destroy her inner being ready for rebuilding as I wished. Limits would only be ones of my morality, and she was told repeatedly that my morals were very different from most folks, and often a lot more flexible too.

So, there we are, a relationship where the word “no” occurs often, no limits, no safe word, no consent, no freedom, no privacy, no right to leave, no right to say no.

Categories: Sojourners Tags: No tags for this post.

Mama always said, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

January 28th, 2010 5 comments

I got in trouble this week.

I didn’t get punished, but that’s because we decided we were starting over, and I hadn’t broken this particular rule yet.  And probably because my breaking the rule was both unintentional and altruistic.

The offense was speaking to a man in private without first asking permission.  And I’m sorry to say that I’ve tripped over this rule a lot in the past.  I allowed my damnable pride to come before my owner’s wishes.  And that’s really unacceptable.

This time, though, it was my lack of common sense that got the better of me.  Master was on the phone with a major customer and was much too busy to mute it and answer me, first of all.  The message was BDSM related and, while it did require me talking about myself, it was purely for informational purposes.  I didn’t think to shoot M a message or wait until He was off the phone.  I just answered the question.  It was a technical question, not a personal one.  It couldn’t hurt, right?

Well… See… When the rule is “Do not speak to males in private without permission.” that means, “Not even if your/their motives are altruistic.”  And I’ve been exacerbating it by arguing with Master.  Asking questions like, “Wouldn’t it just make more sense to give me permission?” or making statements like, “I’m just going to change my profile to say I’m not allowed to talk to males ever cause you never say yes.”

The truth of the matter is, I rarely remember to ask.  And when I do, He usually says, “See what he wants but keep it short.”  And that’s usually because I have things to do.  And because He’s territorial.  And because He knows that if I’m interested in a woman, I’m interested for both of us, but if I’m interested in a man, the most He’ll get out of it is getting to watch me be used like the piece of cunt that I am.  And maybe He’ll be able to participate in my degradation.  But beyond that, He’s not really interested in me having ties to other men without Him first getting to know them.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

But… but… I can’t sleep. ~pout~

January 26th, 2010 Comments off

I had a whole bunch of stuff to blog about before M took my PDA away, and told me to go back to sleep, and it all flew out of my head.

Wait! I can blog about that!

I’m not allowed to get out of bed until either He gets up, or He gives me permission.  Unless I have to go to the bathroom or something, but then it’s right back in bed and back to sleep.  The only exception to this rule is when we’re going to the office, but even then, I wait until He says, “Okay, put coffee on, and get in the shower.”  Even though I know He’s going to say it.  He says it every morning at about the same time.  And every morning, I wait until He says it.

Buying His iPod Touch couldn’t have come at a better time.  This waking up in tears from some nightmare that is rapidly receding from your already sketchy memory every morning, and just knowing you were supposed to retain some of it and didn’t, is rough on the soul and the stomach.  Impending doom and terrifying danger lurking in the darkest corners of every nook and cranny (crooks and nannies) of your mind and not being able to put a finger on it drains the very fiber of your being.

And I can’t, for the life of me, figure it out.

I thought it was my father.  And I suppose it’s still possible it is and I’m just gullible.  But he called and he sounded good.  Better than I think he could have faked.  Unless he’s gotten much better than he ever was.  Which is also possible.  But it feels like something else.  Something close, but not directed at me, that will affect both M and me inadvertently.

I don’t joke when I say I’m paranoid.  I just usually keep as much of it to myself as possible.  Often when I say nothing’s wrong, I mean nothing real is wrong.  The fact that my “feelings” often prove to be right on the money could be one of any number of things.  Like self-fulfilling prophecy, or coincidence, or something.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags: