Home > Rants > Sexual Harassment v. Harmless Flirting – A Rant

Sexual Harassment v. Harmless Flirting – A Rant

December 24th, 2009

stud0001The boys around here have fine-tuned how to approach, lure and treat a woman.

They’ve figured out that most of the girls out here have daddy issues and low self esteem and a terrible fear of being poor and out of fashion.  They take one look at a girl and know exactly what to say and how to approach her and just what will catch her attention.  Usually, their motivation is the trophy.  The prize of having conquered yet another pretty face before their boys could.

And some of us – usually the older ones or the ones who are married – are smart enough to laugh at their advances and brush them off.  It’s fun to watch the “Oh shit.” expression cross their face.

Like yesterday.  M and I were walking down the street together, and we separated at the liquor store.  He was taking the stuff we picked up at the meat market up to the apartment, and I was grabbing a bottle of gin and one of peach champagne.  I said, “I’ll be up in a minute, babe.”  and M said something like, “I’ll be there.” or something.  And then I reached for the liquor store’s door.

Before my hand closed on the handle, another beat me to it and hefted the door open for me.  I smiled and thanked the guy, then stepped inside.  And he said something like, “How could I not with a smile like that?” and continued to go on about how pretty I am.

I laughed, thanked him for being nice and bee-lined for the champagne.  He was the more polite of the boys that compliment me when I go outside.  Some make suggestive comments.  Some tell me they don’t care that I’m married.

Some begin ogling me from a block away, doing that thing they do when they’re with their boys and checking a girl out.  You’ve seen it, I’m sure.  They’ll sort of turn to the side and cock their head.  And then, they come up with some excuse to approach me.  The last asked me for a cigarette.  And then if I was single.

I remember when every girl I knew would have been flattered beyond belief if men acted this way around them.  They’d go all pink in the cheeks and start ducking their heads and smiling a lot.  Their voices would get all high pitched and twittery and they’d giggle awkwardly at every. single. thing. that was said. 

Somewhere along the line, hitting on someone became “sexual harassment”.  Harmless flirting became an attack on a woman’s person.  Men trying to get a date became them being chauvinists and treating women like meat.

And… Do I really have to say what comes next? It’s become the theme of my blog.  I should just change the site’s name to “I don’t get it.”

If I hear one more skinny, pretty girl say to me, “You don’t understand.  It doesn’t happen to you as often.  People aren’t as attracted to you as they are me.”  I might just reach through my monitor and smash her pretty face.

First, it happens to me every time I leave the house.  There’s not a day I’m outside that some man doesn’t intentionally place himself in my path so he can speak to me, or stop me in the middle of the street to get the time when there’s a bank sign behind me, or yank all his stuff out of the seat next to him the second he sees me step onto the bus.

In case you haven’t noticed, the climate has changed with regard to aesthetics.  A man is more likely to be attracted to someone my size, shape and disposition than someone whose ribs and shitty attitude are showing.

Second, get over yourself.  Seriously.

While I’m sure there are some men out there who just will not be able to resist your pretty face and skimpy clothes and will attack you, the normal every day Joe? Yeah, he’s just trying to get your attention.  He wants to be seen by someone as outwardly beautiful as you.

Too bad he doesn’t know what’s on the inside.

And really, if you don’t want people to look at you or want you, why are you wearing skimpy clothes? I mean, I see no other reason to reveal that much of yourself unless you’re trying to get people to look at you and find you attractive.  And from where I sit, there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to look at you and find you attractive.  But you don’t get to choose who looks at you when you go into a public setting.  That’s not how it works.

Yeah I know how popular my opinion is.  But seriously, dude? I don’t care.  It is what it is.  And females leaving their houses in shirts that barely cover their nipples and skirts that don’t even cover their asses certainly aren’t dressing that way for comfort.  It would be more comfortable to walk outside naked.

Women will say, “How I dress is not an invitation to ogle or approach me.”  But that’s exactly what it is.  Whether you’re wearing it for that reason or not, that is how skimpy clothing has always (and probably will always) been seen.  If your clothes barely cover the areas granny panties and a Cross Your Heart bra cover, it will be assumed that you’re looking for something.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.  But to say, “I shouldn’t have to deal with guys hitting on me every time I leave the house.”  is just dumb.  What are they supposed to psychically know you’re taken or not looking or not interested in them or a stuck up bitch? Pfft.  I want that super power.  I’ll be “Emotional Availability Detective” or something.

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  1. December 24th, 2009 at 22:16 | #1

    I wish things like that happened for me. Where you live must be more progressive. The only time guys get anywhere near me is usually to get in my way or say something rude.

  2. December 25th, 2009 at 12:20 | #2

    @Kayla Nah it’s just that there’s not much to do around here. The favorite activities are getting high, getting drunk and fucking. Can’t fuck if you don’t talk to girls. Lol.

  3. December 26th, 2009 at 03:55 | #3

    I think that sometimes it can be harmless flirting. Opening a door for someone and telling them they have a nice smile *is* harmless flirting. Following someone around a store, telling them they have a fine ass or a sweet body, and refusing to take the hint when the woman is not interested is sexual harassment. Telling someone they have a nice smile is a compliment. While telling someone on the street that they have a fine ass, or saying things like, “Damn girl, I’d do XYZ to you” may be intended as a compliment, it comes off as inappropriate, rude, and crossing boundaries. And when it’s taken that way, and the person gets upset because you don’t consider it a compliment, they’re not understanding that flirting and harassment are two different things.

    Also, anyone that says it’s only related to looks is an idiot. It has nothing to do with skinny or fat, tall or short, “pretty” or “ugly,” black or white. It has to do with the fact that you possess a vagina. Most all girls experience the same amount of this kind of stuff. I get it on a night that I’m all dolled up to go out, but also when I run to the store in my PJs. It’s completely unrelated to appearance and if someone thinks otherwise, they’re just refusing to see the reality.

  4. December 26th, 2009 at 13:08 | #4

    @Britni TheVadgeWig As I said, the guy who opened the door for me is one of the more polite. I get those “what I’d do to you”, etc. comments, too. And I still don’t see it as sexual harassment.

    I mean, if the people making the comments were trying to make me uncomfortable, maybe I would see your point. But generally speaking, they’re just trying to get a nut. Granted, they’re not going about it in a way that will turn my head, but some girls actually enjoy their approach. Different strokes and all that.

    I also don’t see the point in getting all bent out of shape over someone else’s ignorance. Especially a complete stranger who has no way of knowing that approach bothers you. I mean, if you absolutely must, let them know they’re douchebags. Not that you’ll get anywhere, but you know… If it makes you feel better. But getting all irritated about it doesn’t really solve anything.

  5. December 26th, 2009 at 13:50 | #5

    Britni TheVadgeWig :

    Also, anyone that says it’s only related to looks is an idiot. It has nothing to do with skinny or fat, tall or short, “pretty” or “ugly,” black or white. It has to do with the fact that you possess a vagina. Most all girls experience the same amount of this kind of stuff. I get it on a night that I’m all dolled up to go out, but also when I run to the store in my PJs. It’s completely unrelated to appearance and if someone thinks otherwise, they’re just refusing to see the reality.

    I would have to agree, that on an animal level, when a man is interested in a woman (or vice versa) that their sex parts are part of the equation. Kinda hard to start a family with another guy (at least in the biblical way). So yes, I would have to say when a man hits on a woman part of it is probably that she has a vagina. What an astute observation you’ve made here! Just call me King Idiot for pointing out the painfully obvious.

    Honestly, my problem with you are your sweeping generalities. You act as if you know more about the male psyche then men themselves do. If you’ve deluded yourself to that fact, then you’re hopeless anyways. Trust me when I say the crap you spew rarely ever describes the majority. It sure does describe some, but it’s not indicative of the entire sex.

    Unlike your feminist propaganda, most of the men I know are aware of how to conduct themselves in public. They don’t go chasing everything with a pussy down the aisles at the store. In fact, in our neighborhood, this type of flirting is done in both directions. Most times the women are much cruder in their comments (and the reason is simple: it’s harassment if a man says something unwanted and crude to a woman, but we’re not “real men” if we don’t accept the same bullshit from women).

    I can only assume you’ve had the worse luck with the men you know. That I can understand and accept. Applying your personal experiences to every male that says something complimentary to a women is, to paraphrase you, “idiotic”.

    And honestly, when I see a chick (yes, this is as appropriate as a female calling a male a “dude”) walking down the street with her skirt so short her ass is hanging out, and shirt cut so low that her tits are swaying, the first thing I think is “whore”. Don’t want to be treated like a whore? Don’t fucking dress and act like one, and then bitch and complain about how men are pigs. What a wonderful lack of personal responsibility!

  6. December 26th, 2009 at 21:34 | #6

    Uh… Wow. Uhm… Yeah.

    I actually agree with her. I thought her comment agree with rayne’s post too.

    Even at work, looking like I’ve just woken up, with a scowl, my shapeless work shirt and invisible below the waist… I get hit on.

    Skinny girls in tight clothes get hit on.

    Britni in her PJs gets hit on.

    Rayne in a liquor store gets hit on.

    Common denominator? Vag.

    Men hit on women. All women. Fat women, skinny women, pretty women, ugly women…

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