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Silence! No More!

December 11th, 2009

I would like to first apologize for my lack of posting.  I have finished my semester and made the decision to drop out of the field I was studying.  I crumbled under the pressure and would rather enjoy the rewards of my degree than be miserable the rest of my life.

So, where do I begin.  Let me give you a few updates.  First of all, the big news.  Tab and I are no longer together.  As of a month ago, Tab decided to dissolve our relationship and go our separate ways.  I won’t get into all the details, but we decided that it was just not working out.  I hold nothing against him and if he is reading this, I wish him well.  I hold no grudges and have begun to live the next chapter of my life.  The end of one of the greatest chapters in my life has led to the beginning of the next great chapter that I have only begun to live.

Another update is my protection collar.  For those of you who do not know my family situation, let me give a little refresher since it’s been a while.  Before the dissolution of my relationship with Tab, he and I were made members of the House of Wolves, run by Master Gabriel here in New Orleans.  Master Gabriel runs his house like a wolf pack, hence the name of the House.  We each have our ranks and roles in the Pack.  After the break up, Master Gabriel placed his protection collar upon me to give me a sense of security and to make our bond that much stronger.  While I do not belong to Master Gabriel, I belong to the House and answer to them ultimately.  I am still free to do as I wish, but they have my back no matter what.  And having a family gives me a huge sense of security and warmth that I need during this time of my life.

Now, where have I been?  And what have I been doing since the break up?  Sit back and relax.  I’m going to give you the newest details of my life right about…now.

My world seemingly crashed down about a month ago when I found myself a single woman.  Everything happened so abruptly and I felt like I had just had the entire world pulled from beneath my feet and I was floating out in the galaxy somewhere.  I had to pick myself up off of the ground and brush the dirt off of my knees rather quickly.  Not too long after I became super busy with school.  School turned out to be an epic fail of massive proportions this semester.  I am the recipient of my first two F’s ever in my career as a student.  I felt like a failure the other night, but I quickly kicked that thought out of my head and moved on.  Everyone has a bad semester or a bad time.  Not everyone is going to have it easy all the time.  Hence why I have decided to kill the idea of being an accountant.  I have given the program my best shot twice and both times have turned out to be failures.  At least I realize this now then to keep struggling and fail my classes again.  I would like to graduate sometime this semester.

Back in the world of the non vanilla, I have been exploring a lot of new limits and gaining some new experiences.  I have grown to love canes, humiliation, and knives.  I always had a fetish for knives, but there is a different feeling that runs through your body when there is a sharp katana blade running all over your soft flesh.  Master Gabriel has been working with me to break old limits and build my endurance and experience.  He is also teaching me more about myself.  I have learned more self discipline in the month that I have been directly under his wing.  I have learned how to be more pleasing as well and to deal with stress and difficult times.  I have been making vast improvements on my mannerisms, my behavior, and the way that I hold myself.  I have definitely become more confident in myself since my training has begun.

There has also been a big change in my life.  I have begun to explore polyamory.  Before, I thought that I could never be in a polyamorous relationship.  Ever.  The thought of polyamory actually frightened the hell out of me because I have always been afraid of the jealousy that I’ve seen happen in other situations.  I was introduced with the idea a few weeks ago by my friend B.  She came to me and told me that her husband had an interest in me.  At the time, he had made the offer to be my fuck buddy.  I thought about it and said “you know what?  I’ll go for it.  Why not?  I don’t want to be tied down to one person anyway right now.”  So, I responded to his advance and we began talking from that point on.

Holy freaking wow.  I never would have thought where accepting his offer would lead.

He and I talked quite a bit for about a week or so before I brought up the idea of us seeing each other.  Just as a casual date.  Nothing more for that visit.  He agreed and came down to the big N.O. to see me.  I was nervous as hell.  Believe it or not, when I get nervous, I get very shy and quiet.  He and I went to a nice lunch followed by coffee.  I know that sounds cheesy, but seriously.  Lunch and coffee are the way to my heart.  Well, along with honesty, loyalty, and a slew of other things.  I’m a woman.  I’m complex.  Get over it.

After coffee, he brought me back to my car and gave me the sweetest hug I’d had in a long time.  And then our lips met.  Jesus tap dancing Christ on a pogo stick.  If you’ve ever seen the cheesy ass kissing scenes where fireworks go off and things like that, it happened in my mind.  It was amazing how I felt.  Honestly, I had never felt that with Tab.  It was more of just a motion with Tab.  With Will it’s a completely different story.  After our kiss, we parted and planned the next time we would see each other.

Since that initial meeting, he and I have been to my company Christmas party together and I’ve been up to visit him.  And we have begun to date.  He and I have started a relationship and it is absolutely wonderful.  I have been friends with his wife for about two years now and to be able to have an open relationship with her husband.  It is also nice to be able to spend time with her when I’m with him.  Needless to say, the new dynamic I have begun to explore is definitely a nice one and I am very warm to the polyamorous relationship I am now involved in.

That’s about it for now folks.  I will be posting a LOT more now that school is over.  Promise!

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  1. December 11th, 2009 at 20:33 | #1

    I’m glad things are going so well for you, love. We missed you. Get posting! 😛

  2. December 12th, 2009 at 20:15 | #2

    The BDSM world always makes me so happy because the bonds that you form with people really DO mean something. Especially House bonds. I’m in one as well. I saw your Fetlife profile. You look cute in a collar. 🙂

    I’m sorry to hear about the break-up. I’m glad it turned out okay though.

    I’m glad to hear that you’ve made a decision about accounting. Some career paths just aren’t made for people. I’m sure you’ll do amazing in the next one you pick. (I started off in a program and left it was well because I couldn’t do it.)

    Poly relationships are looked down upon sometimes for some reason. I actually think they’re really good for some people. While I’ve never been in a poly relationship, some of the BDSM ties I’ve made with people tend to get somewhere in the realm of poly. Nothing officially yet, though.

    Glad life is going well though. Sounds like lots of excitement to come. 🙂

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