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So what?

November 19th, 2009

I (heart) FetLife: BDSM & Fetish Community for Kinksters, by kinkstersI didn’t think I was going to find a topic today.  So, I trolled around on FetLife and, for once, it didn’t let me down with a mouthful of dead horses and chest thumping.  I found a “closed thread” that kind of sticks in my craw.

Because it’s about me! I mean, it’s probably not about me, specifically.  I don’t recognize the person who wrote it, but that doesn’t mean much.  I suck at names.  Especially online names and especially if my friends change their name and don’t tell me specifically.  Even if the pictures are the same, I’m liable to forget who you are.

Yes, I do know how much I suck.  Thanks for reminding me. 🙂

Anyway! The thread.  It’s about male owners who require any other males to request permission before speaking to their female slaves.  In private or in public or whatever.

See! I told you it was about me!

You can go read the post if you want.  It’s got 253 replies.  I didn’t read any of them.  Holy shit, that’s a lot of replies! And since I can’t respond there anymore, I’m gonna respond here! Aren’t you excited? Shut up.  You know you are.

Here’s where the OP mentions me:

More and more I see profiles stating that if you want to talk to someone, you have to ask their master permission.

Then he says:

Now, at first I can see this as a possible 24/7 thing, but even at that stage, it seems like obsessive jealousy and overly unnecessary levels of control. See, where I come from, if you were a guy who demanded that your woman not talk to any other men, that made you an asshole.

His first mistake was thinking that any of these men who guard their property so closely give even half a shit about what he thinks.

But aside from that, some of us get off on being jealously guarded.  Some of us enjoy the short leash.  And some of us have trouble following simple rules regarding men, so they get more strict ones put in place.

(What? No… No, I wasn’t talking about me.  What made you think that?) >.> 

Barring the brain-melting factors of inequality inherent in this statement…

Who ever said Master had to treat people equally when it came to His own property? That’s like saying He has to give a homeless man He’s never met a ride to California, because He gave His friend a ride there.  How does that even begin to make sense?

…the problem is that it attempts to not only assert dominance over those who are not actually IN the relationship in question…

Master likes to know someone’s intentions in engaging His property in conversation sometimes.  Is the OP really saying that’s not His right as my owner?

…but also that it creates this lovely double standard of “If you’re male, I perceive you as a threat, if you’re female, I don’t.”

Was there a point?

Women are just as capable of causing serious damage as Men, on a physical and emotional scale, regardless of whether or not they’ve been “checked out”.


This is about an insecure MALE attempting to assert a level of dominance over a woman simply because she is a woman, a low-confidence swinging dick that wants to be able to say things like “It’s okay if we both fool around, as long as its only with women”, and such nonsense. This is a guy who feels that every other guy will steal “his woman” as their own territory.

Even if that’s the case, who cares, really? I mean, unless the submissive is screaming abuse (which is what the OP seems to be getting at), who cares?

I feel like Rapunzel sometimes.  I don’t leave the house very often, and when I do, it’s usually either with Master, or to meet Him.  I’m not allowed to make any phone calls or speak to anyone without permission.  He just prefers the men to request permission themselves.  It gives Him a chance to figure out who they are.

It’s not a demand.  It’s a request.  Granted, Master won’t allow me to speak privately with any men who don’t first ask Him for permission, with the very rare exception.  But refusing to grant Him a simple request proves to Master exactly who they are.  And you should see some of the messages us slaves, owned or not, get from the men on FetLife! So it makes sense, to me, His answer would be no.

~abused pig whore

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  1. November 19th, 2009 at 19:19 | #1


    I remember seeing this thread roll around and had similar thoughts. In the end, I just chucked it off as another, “You’re not doing it right,” thread. What’s he going to complain about next, that some men always open the door for the women they’re with? Now that I think about it more, it makes me wonder just why he wants to talk to a slave/sub behind their Master/Dom’s back? Nothing good, I suspect.


  2. November 19th, 2009 at 20:35 | #2

    @dweaver999 “Now that I think about it more, it makes me wonder just why he wants to talk to a slave/sub behind their Master/Dom’s back? Nothing good, I suspect.”

    That’s exactly how M feels. Sounds like someone got his peepee slapped for approaching a slave without permission. Poor, poor baby. ~wrinkles nose~

  3. November 19th, 2009 at 23:22 | #3


    Of course, he could be into CBT and was *looking* for a pee-pee slap.


  4. November 20th, 2009 at 15:19 | #4

    As someone who claims to have been in the fetish community for “many, many years,” he really has no idea what D/s is all about, does he? If two people are living a 24/7 male D/female s relationship, and D/s is very much about power and control, how would it be odd, overprotective, or inappropriate for the D to exert that much control over their sub? To me, it totally fits into the dynamic. And it’s not a male power/female submission thing at all, unless the couple has a male Dom and female sub. What about couples where the male is the submissive?

    If it’s not *his* thing, fine, but I totally get where the rule/protocol comes from, and why it’s in place. While my Master doesn’t exert as much control over my phone calls and socializing as M does with you, He still controls some aspects of that, especially online and in the community. I have a warning in my Fet profile that men must as Him permission before messaging me/adding me as a friend, and any male that sends me private emails or IMs has to be approved by Master. And I’m totally okay with that. I get that. I don’t see it as obsessive jealousy at all.

    And if he can’t even bring himself to call himself a Dom on Fet because the term has been tainted or whatever, wtf is he even still doing in the community? He clearly has a lot of contempt for it, and for those involved.

  5. November 20th, 2009 at 16:51 | #5

    And I’d like to add that aren’t double standards and inequality kind of the whole point of a D/s relationship in the first place?

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