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What? Stereotypes are funny!

November 11th, 2009 3 comments

no_burritosThe following is a test of Your Sense of Humor.  The bloggers in your area, in voluntary cooperation with the First Amendment, have developed this system to weed out the overly sensitive.  This is only a test.  Do not adjust your monitor or take offense.  I repeat: This is only a test.

(IOW: If you’re easily offended, don’t read this post! Master really was just joking.  Racism is a shitty, shitty thing that we choose not to participate in.  But stereotypes are fun to make fun of.  Please believe us when we say, we are making fun of the stereotype, and not Mexicans in general.  We love Mexicans.  Mexicans are our friends.) (From Melen: Maybe we’ll even have tacos for dinner.)

So Master has this thing about “The Line”.  “The Line” is sacred.  You do not cross “The Line”.  He can cross “The Line” if He wants, but no one else is allowed to cross “The Line”.  Crossing “The Line” is punishable by death.  Or at least lots of smacking, punching, pinching and chiding.

“The Line”? Yeah, it’s between our pillows.

Last night, I wasn’t even crossing “The Line”.  He was crossing “The Line”.  And while I drew an imaginary line with the four fingers of my left hand, sawing off His arm at the elbow, to show Him that He, in fact, was the one crossing “The Line” He yelled:

“I’m gonna bring out Border Patrol!”

“Wait.  You’re gonna hire Mexicans to keep me on my side of the bed?”

“I’m gonna hire Mexicans! I’m gonna hire Mexicans to patrol this border.  And I’m gonna give ’em live ammo.  And I’m gonna pay them five bucks an hour.  They’re gonna be rich!”

Yeah… I was pretty much speechless.  Or maybe it was the fact that I was turning purple from laughing so hard and couldn’t actually speak.

I crawled over top of Him to find my journal so I could write it down to share with you lovely folks.  And then He said this:

“The world of darkness is seeming very small right now.” while shielding His eyes from the light I’d just flicked on with His hand.

I cracked up again.

“Well! It’s vaguely hand shaped.  And not even a big hand! A hand about the same size as mine!”

I stopped writing at that point.  He just kept going.  And I couldn’t stop laughing.

Nut job.

This was a test of Your Sense of Humor.  If this had been a serious post, the Attention Signal you heard would have been followed by shame-filled apologies.  This concludes the test of Your Sense of Humor.

<3

Discipline and Duty

November 11th, 2009 4 comments

beauty,butterfly,peace,photography,contemporary,art,digital,art-f8c9c46ed02cc9b1b3290c318bb1b47f_hYesterday, from about eleven till about three, in a word?

Suckage.

I pissed Master off royally.

So, we all know I have self-esteem problems.  And taking pictures the other day, and having them really not come out how I wanted them to, sent me into a tailspin.

I was pissy and rude and disrespectful and mean.  Shooting Him looks mean enough to kill if He dared tell me to do something other than wallow in my pity party and damn near cutting His balls off with my double-bladed tongue.  And none of my problem has anything to do with Him.

And that’s the shittiest part.  I screamed at Him over and over, “It doesn’t matter what you or other people think.  My problem isn’t what you or other people think.  My problem is what I think!” while still holding Him accountable for my problem with my attitude.

I finally shut up and listened to Him, and we worked it out like we always do.  The conversation ended up all over the place, which normally would make things explode into a ginormous, sucking black hole.  But yesterday, the flip-flopping of the conversation actually got a lot of shit handled.

We talked about how I have a ton of shit I want to do but don’t get up out of my own way to do it.  How I’m behind on some things that I really have no reason to be behind on except that I don’t sit down and do them.  About how I’m constantly allowing myself to become distracted.

We talked about the things I want to learn and do and be, and how if I continue to sit here ignoring them, they’ll never come to pass.   Read more…

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