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The Hunt Begins

November 8th, 2009

the-future-of-dating-8393-1235148902-4“…She had this smile and I asked her what it was about and she said  she had gotten a date and that he was an eight.”

“What did eight mean?”

Peggy smiled and Push thought it was probably like the smile she had described for Linda.  “Ten is the best and one is a real mouthbreather – a slump.  You never date anything under a five and you never meet a ten unless he’s already married.  That’s Murphy’s Law.  And you’re always looking to move up.  Since a ten is impossible the best is nine, and an eight is very, very high.  I thought she was kidding, but she wasn’t.  He was definitely an eight.”

“How do you know that?”

“Well, it’s complicated.  I’ve only dated one eight in my life and that was a doctor who wasn’t gay, had never been married and was not – you know – sick.  It didn’t work out but that’s life.  And I knew a lawyer once who I think was an eight but I never dated him because my roommate was after him.  It’s money, part of it, but not just that – money and looks and the way a man moves and even his buns.”

“His buns?”

“Yes.”  She laughed now, even white teeth flashing.  “A man should have tight, round buns, no gut, a clean appearance, good shoulders and lots of money.” – Night Rituals by Garry Paulsen

When I read that passage, I nearly choked.

The fact that people really are that shallow always makes me sad.  Friendships and relationships should be about who the person is inside.  Their monetary value and aesthetic appearance should have nothing to do with anything.  I get the whole having to actually be attracted to someone to want to sleep with them and wanting to have help supporting your family thing.  I don’t understand people who build friendships and relationships on those things, though.

I learned the hard way, I guess.  I went after the Ken dolls for years and got smacked down by each one.  Though I still think I won that war.  It was, very much, about winning or losing with them. 

I never really dated much, growing up.  Wasn’t really into the dating scene.

Oh, that’s not to say I didn’t see boys.  I did.  Lots.  Each one chasing after the promise of being granted my virginity.  A girl as slutty and submissive as me who hadn’t had her cherry popped yet? Can you imagine the possibilities?

My friends and I had a habit of inviting the entire world on our dates.  Usually other couples.  But sometimes just anyone who sounded interested in whatever we were doing that night.  Especially my best friend and I.  We were convinced we couldn’t live without each other, couldn’t deal with being completely alone with other people and hated experiencing things apart.

Hell, part of the reason I decided to lose my virginity was because she lost hers on a trip to visit her friends in Wisconsin and Illinois while I was home trying to hold our clique together.  Which started a chain reaction.  Once I lost mine, all our other female friends went on mad dashes to lose theirs.

My first real love, who was my best guy friend at the time, ended up with a bitch we all hated equally.  I ended up with the dreaded ex, more on again than off again.  Our token gay best friend got into theater and started spending more time with his costars than with us.  And our clique fell apart.

I still wonder what happened to some of them.  It’s the only compelling reason I have to join Facebook.  And I’ve certainly done well for myself since leaving Virginia, considering what I was up against, but I’m really not interested in refriending my high school friends.  I’ve systematically pushed most of high school to the back of my memory warehouse for a reason.

Still, I keep thinking about how I missed out on dating.

Mind, I’m not interested in dating again.  At least, not in the real sense of the word where I’d be searching for a mate.  I’ve found my life partner.  But wouldn’t it be cool to go on a date with a girl? With Master, of course, because I’m not allowed to have relationships outside of our relationship and I wouldn’t want to.  But I picture myself doing silly little things, courting this fantasy girl, and her doing silly little things for us.  All the fun things dating is.

Then I remember the drama of my whirlwind relationships (some of them were in and out of my life in two days flat) when I was growing up, and hear some of the things my friends are going through with setting boundaries and such, and I wonder if it’s even worth it.

Master’s actually suggested I start perusing a couple dating sites for a play partner.  And I’m kind of nervous about the whole thing.  It wasn’t an order, and I haven’t asked Him about it since.  It’s so friggin weird, to me, to be chasing pussy online.  I guess cause I’m used to the old fashioned way.  At clubs and bars and such.

And the idea that He might be looking to replace me makes me nauseous.

It’s one of those things.  I know in my head that it’s not true, but I have caused an extreme amount of trouble in recent past.  So I get all, “What if this is because I’m a worthless cunt?” for a minute or two.  Old habits, and all that.

Omg, fuck this.

All I can think about is His cock thrusting into my cunt this morning.  I’m having visions of Him figuring out how to record sound (our webcam doesn’t have a mic) and videotaping a scene.  I can’t stop thinking about a bunch of people watching me hesitate every time He asks me if I want more.  How my head almost goes side to side before I finally regain my composure and nod… slowly.

~whimper~

I need fucked again.  Wonder if He’ll oblige.

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  1. November 8th, 2009 at 19:24 | #1

    Rayne,

    I hope he does oblige.

    Dave

  2. Joji
    November 10th, 2009 at 14:28 | #2

    you know I think you and I have that in common, I never dated much in highschool.. I can think of maybe 2 of them..3 if I try really hard I have a habit of keeping a 3-4 year span between my relationships for reasons which I’m not really sure I know..

    Funny thing is, Master says I’m beautiful, and I’ve been told by a few others (mostly family) that I’m pretty, but boys didnt really take an interest in me until years later. I didnt even lose my virginity until I was 21.

    I totally feel this post.

    And you’re right the world is incredibly shallow, sadly I used to have the same illusions as that 8 it wasnt about money though you know, I wanted the brad pitt/tom cruise etc of the non holly wood type..

    Master is neither, but you know I don’t care. Hes a-fucking-mazing. It took me 28 years to realize I was barking up the wrong tree and I’m glad I stopped otherwise I’d still be looking.

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