Archive for November 2nd, 2009

BDSM with Eccentricities

November 2nd, 2009 3 comments

1850167996_ecd31c4947_oThis whole catching up financially thing is going to take longer than I’d hoped and it’s making me nervous.  We have things we need and we can’t buy them yet because M’s paycheck is still spent the second it touches His fingertips due to back bills and such.  Like, Him getting a raise was so totally supposed to magically put us in perfect financial shape and we were supposed to be able to buy whatever we wanted right the fuck now without any sort of catching up period, right? Right??!?

Why, yes! Yes, I am an impatient soandso.

But, seriously? While I am getting a little antsy, I’m really only kidding about thinking our finances would miraculously reverse themselves and the needs are mostly glorified wants.  Like, we have plenty of clothes that aren’t falling apart and at least fit us comfortably.  But they’re completely out of style and/or could use some taking in.  And we could definitely use more of them.  We’ve made do for a year.  We can make do for another month if we have to.  It’s just annoying.

Oops.  What I meant to say was: I’m so grateful M has a job in the current economy and we can pay our bills!

Ya know what? I am.  But I’m so sick of hearing it when I bitch about His job.  The money is not consolation enough for the bullshit He’s dealing with (Still!) or the fact that I still rarely see Him even when He’s home.

It’s like offering me a peanut as a consolation prize when the grand prize was an eight bedroom mansion in Maui complete with an olive green 2009 Mustang convertible and a navy blue Eddie Bauer Explorer (Can you tell I’m a Ford fan?), two jet skis, a pool, a hot tub, a jacuzzi bathtub, a ginormous kitchen and an all expense paid, three month cruise that takes you everywhere in the world while the team from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition deck out the house any way you want regardless of price.  And not even a fresh roasted peanut still in the shell.  A dried up, overcooked peanut that’s already been de-shelled and tastes like ass.

I feel like a yo-yo.

Every once in a while, something will fill me up with confidence.  And it’ll bubble up to the surface, the water tension barely restraining what’s inside.  The bubble will dance precariously amidst its cloud of bubbly friends as long as nothing disturbs the water.  But the second a frog leaps onto a nearby lily pad, the water tension loses its grip and the confidence floats off into the air.   Read more…

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