Archive for November, 2009

Letting Go

November 29th, 2009 1 comment

lineinfheartEvery time a conversation about us having a poly relationship with someone turns serious, I get scared.

Most of it is just old worries that I know, now, are completely baseless.  But I hold onto them like a warm security blanket, as if I’m afraid that if I let go, my fears will manifest in reality.

Speaking of security blankets, I had a rather vivid dream, last night, about the one I gave to my daughter.  The one I slept with until I was twenty-one.  Wonder what that means.  The dream, not the fact that I slept with it till I was twenty-one.  We already know I’m insecure.

I kinda started shit with Master because of my fears last night.

I didn’t mean to.  I was just nervous, and not thinking clearly, and ignoring all the logic bells firing off in my head.  I do that a lot.  Ignore the logic bells, I mean.

The fears I have are learned.  They’re more out of habit than anything else.  The women in the crowds I ran with were extremely competitive.  Being in good with the boss (Who wasn’t a pimp.  I never had an actual pimp.  The boss was just the leader of the crew.) meant less work and more money.  It meant less danger and more fake compassion.  It meant you were hit less and hurt less and got special treatment and presents and…

But most of all, being in good with the boss meant you got to live another day.  I don’t know a person alive who wouldn’t fight, tooth and nail, and dirty if they had to, for that right.

I’m not used to dealing with honorable women.

Oh, I should be.  I’ve been friends with a handful of honorable women since I found Kaya’s blog and followed her to Carrie (Or did Carrie follow her to me? Anyway…) and then followed them both to FetLife and Twitter and Eden, where I met a lot of the women I converse with now.  I’m sure I knew a couple honorable women before then, but most of us have drifted apart and I wasn’t particularly honorable back then.  Master took the girl off the street, but He hadn’t managed to take the street out of the girl.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get rid of the street completely.  I’m not sure I want to.  It has saved my life more than once.

But it’s been a long time since I’ve had to fight for my life.  I think it’s time to allow myself to switch out of survival mode.  If only to give the possibilities we’ve opened ourselves up to a fighting chance.  Because this could be beautiful if we let it.

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Product Review: Coochy Protection After Shave Mist by Holiday Products

November 28th, 2009 Comments off

41V9wAl4YGL._SY450_Ooo, what’s that?

That would be the Coochy Collection’s counterpart, Coochy After Shave Protection Mist, by Holiday Products.

What’d it come in?

Coochy Protection comes in a clear, recyclable plastic (4oz) spray bottle.  It’s wrapped in a pink label sporting an artistic nude sketch, its claims to fame and the ingredients.  Read more…

Product Review: Coochy Collection by Holiday Products

November 28th, 2009 Comments off

51WYAdulh-L._SL1132_Once upon a time, I lived with a couple who were swingers.  He was in the U.S. Navy, and she hosted “Fantasy Parties”.  Think Tupperware Party only with sex toys.  Usually, in my experience, nonthreatening beginner sex toys.  I often tagged along with her, and then, when she stretched herself too thin, eventually started hosting some on my own to help her out.  And one of the products she carried, but could never sell, was Coochy Rashfree Shave Creme.

The benefits sounded amazing.  One of her selling points was always that her husband, who had a serious burn scar on most of his face and neck, used and loved it.  I could (and did) testify to that, since I lived with them and saw him use it, but she still couldn’t even sell it to me.  I’m not really sure why.

Ooo, what’s that?

That is none other than the Coochy Collection by Holiday Products.  It’s four one ounce bottles of Coochy Rash Free Shave Cream in Unscented, Original, Green Tea and Pear Berry.  Read more…

Product Review: Fingo’s Nubby Finger Vibrator by The Screaming O

November 27th, 2009 Comments off

fingosnubbyfingervibrator-ia-k-ib-k351_1136054-350x350.jpheOoo, what’s that?

That’s Fingo’s Nubby Finger Vibrator from The Screaming O.  It’s a waterproof vibrating bullet with a nubby sleeve.

What’d it come in?

Fingo, as I’ve come to call it, came in a piece of molded plastic glued to a piece of red cardboard.  On the front is a busty blond in a red bustier making the ever famous “O face”, and on the back is a hand sporting this and two other similar toys made by The Screaming O.

How’s it made?

The bullet is about two inches long and an inch wide.  It’s made of clear, pink plastic with a black o-ring between the cap and the shaft.  On the bottom is a little black button.  Push once for on and once more for off, or tap it with the tip of your thumb to make your own pulsation variable.  Read more…

I heard it through the grapevine…

November 26th, 2009 12 comments

maxine-assholeWord on the street is that Master’s an asshole.

He certainly can be an asshole when He’s so inclined.  I won’t pretend He can’t.  But if I’m to be honest, I must admit that the sheer extent of my cunttery far surpasses any of the assholeish things He does.  By a long shot.  Everyone has bad days.

Usually, I wouldn’t care.  He certainly doesn’t care.  He laughs about it every time I bring it up.

But it bothers me.  Because it seems people have been walking away from our blog, and the things I tweet about, with the wrong impression of Him, our relationship and how He treats me.

I don’t know who said the things I heard.  I don’t really care who said them.  I pity them for not yet learning the life lesson, “Never judge a book by its cover.”

How He treats me, His willing, adoring slave, has nothing to do with who He is as a person.

When I expressed my interest in this lifestyle to Him, He sent me on one serious expedition for any and all information I could find on the subject.  On the internet, and in bookstores, and in libraries.  He bought and downloaded free versions of educational books, BDSM erotica  and an interesting mix of light and extreme BDSM porn.

He introduced me to women who were owned by married men and were kept expressly as backdoor girls.  Their owners only call them or visit them to use and abuse them and then throw them to the side like so much garbage until the next time.  The next time that could be weeks or months (or, in one case, years) away.

These women never heard a kind word from their owners.  Their conversations consisted strictly of the most depraved sexual acts their owners’ sadistic minds could come up with.  And I was intrigued.

Then, after showing me the worst of the worst, He introduced me to women who were cherished by their owners.  Who spent every day being doted on just as much as they doted on their owners.  Who laughed and loved and played and were always exalted to the highest place in their owners’ lives.  And I was nauseated.

Through a lot of trial and error, we’ve found that it works best for us somewhere in between.  Too much of either, and one of us is left feeling lost or unwanted.  Read more…

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Thanks to Dweaver’s suggestion (and M lusting after it forever)…

November 25th, 2009 2 comments

We’ve got a Venus Butterfly.  Waterproof, remote controlled and wireless.

I’m fucked.  Literally.


~pig whore

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