Tonight was the first meeting of a new social group called Women in Kink (WINK) here in New Orleans.  I have to say that I was highly impressed with our first meeting for the little that I was able to stay for.  Two of the members of our club, NOBLE, took a step towards organizing and networking with the kinky women in our community.  I am glad that they did.

Before tonight, I never really understood why there would be a need for the women in our community to have their own time to get together, chit chat, gossip, and have a low key therapy session.  I went to an all girl high school and had those sessions every single day so the thought never really crossed my mind.  To be honest, I thought that we were going to just sit around and gossip.  I like surprises and indeed I got one.

I am a huge social butterfly and at parties I flit around and try to talk to everyone.  It was pleasant to meet a new woman in our community and I really hope that she comes around to more parties and events.  Even sitting around the table with familiar faces wasn’t the same and they weren’t the same women that I know just from casual hellos and conversation.  Tonight we really got to know each other and get a bit more in depth as to who we are on the inside as well as the outside.

We started the night by reading a poem written by Maya Angelou and edited by one of our organizers, Raven.  I will post the poem in a separate entry, but it definitely set the mood for the rest of the night.  At least the rest of what I was able to stay for.  Unfortunately I’m a slave to school and have been shackled to my Accounting book for the entire day.  It was nice to take a break from studying for a little while.  Even as I sit here now, I feel refreshed and ready to tackle studying for a few more hours before bed.  I feel refreshed because I was able to do some soul searching and realize some things about me that I never knew until I brought them to the surface tonight.

One of our activities tonight was to draw ourselves.  This sounds simple, but really it isn’t.  We were to draw how we see ourselves on the inside, not the outside.  I sat and looked at my blank paper for a minute before I grabbed a marker and went to town.  I drew out two hearts, traced them with gold glitter, added a mirror, and finished with a couple of bright colors scattered on the page.  My picture was a bit scattered and I started with saying it resembles me “being a hot mess.”  The hearts I drew symbolize two things.  They symbolize the fact that I do love and devote myself to Tab and that I have learned to love myself.  The one symbolizing my love for myself was drawn a bit bigger because it is important for me to love myself before I can give my love to Tab.  I have accomplished this goal and still work on it on a daily basis.  The fact that I traced them in gold symbolizes that I am priceless and am a treasure.  I am not something to be hidden or cast aside.  I am valuable and am valued by my community and my Owner.

The mirror has a story.  Since I turned fifteen, I had a horrible ordeal with looking at myself in the mirror.  I never wanted to face the girl staring back at me.  In fact, to date, I have broken over seventy-two mirrors.  I don’t believe in bad luck from breaking mirrors.  I broke so many mirrors because I hated the girl staring back at me.  We didn’t see eye to eye.  We didn’t love each other.  We hated each other and I just wanted her out of my sight.  I have been fighting a long battle with my self esteem issues, and I still do fight the battle daily, but recently my self image has changed.  Today, I can look in the mirror and not hate the person staring back at me.  She isn’t a loathsome ogre who is hideous and shouldn’t be touched or looked at.  She is a beautiful woman who is strong, confident, and can take on the world.  She and I are both finally seeing eye to eye.  I’m definitely glad for that.

Seeing the other pictures that were drawn and hearing the stories behind them warmed my heart.  I got to know a few of the women in our community a bit deeper through sharing.  The meeting was a wonderful therapy session and helped me to look at myself in a different light.  Everyone is different, but tonight we all were so alike.  It was definitely a good feeling to actually talk about things with substance, to laugh, and to put aside whatever drama and upset is going on in each of our individual lives.

Tonight we came together and bonded.  Tonight was the first step in gathering the women in our community and giving them a place to come and be a woman.  I have never celebrated being a woman before tonight and damn do I love it.  I am looking forward to our next monthly meeting and will definitely continue to write about our development as time passes.